New DP doesn’t use my name

[jerrywesterby]

Very new guy, approx 2 months of dating, everything is going great, he’s kind and funny and attentive, I really like him. However, I realised the other day that in all the time I’ve known him he’s never used my name! Either in texts or in person.. he doesn’t start any messages with “Hi Jerrywesterby” for eg. I say his name all the time, im starting to wonder if he even knows what it is! It’s weird right? Im not sure whether to bring it up because I don’t want him to feel like I’ve been keeping score, or just wait and see… wwyd?

Yes! This.

I would start a message with someone’s name if it’s a friend I don’t speak to much or someone I don’t know well (like a tradesman). I don’t know why, I guess it’s kind of confirmation that the message is definitely meant for them

I would find it really bizarre if anyone used my name in a text/message or even phone call.

I think you’re massively overthinking

Same!

Agree with this. I’ve looked at my chats to friends and we never use each others names. We only use names if we are discussing someone else.

Why would your boyfriend start a text with your name ? The text is only for you so no need for names. Having been marries for years i am not even sure my husband knows my name.

"hi name" is for emails or if I'm texting a tradie/my PT/my hairdresser

I occasionally call DH by his name if he's left his pants on the floor or left a dirty mug upstairs. If he called me by my name I'd think it must be serious and he needed medical care or something

The only times I use people’s names is if I’m introducing them to someone else or speaking to them from another room and there’s multiple people in the house so need to clarify who I’m speaking to. I don’t think it’s that unusual.

Somebody I work with never use names because they’re dating various people so it’s safer for them!

I can remember a time when I was young and was embarrassed to say my then bf's name. I have no idea why 🤷‍♀️

I agree with this entirely. If it’s someone using dating apps then yes, a lot of the messages will be copy paste jobs to different people.

Is that your concern?

If it is, then as PP suggested just clarify if you are exclusive or if he is still chatting to other people.

I am called a short variation of my name, never by my actual name . I think if he started now after all these years I would be weirded out.

I'm convinced hubby thinks my name is 'Pet', he never calls me anything else. In all seriousness though, we have been married over 20 years and I'm pretty sure he doesn't know either my birth surname (second marriage and he only knows my previous surname because it's my son's name) or my middle name.
Nope, just checked and he didn't know either!!!

My DH never uses my name, I only use his name if I'm shouting him, or if I'm talking about him to someone else.

I don't think it is that unusual?

Just drop your name into a messge casually and see if he starts using it from then on 😂
It does get to a stage where saying the wrong name will have you not saying anything at all.

Yeah, I wonder what I’ve done 😂😂😂

I dont use names in text unless it was a group chat and I might go mum what time do you want us all to arrive for dinner, or brother shall i pick you up at x oclock for taking the kids to whereever

And I cant think in real life how often people say my name

What? Oh my God, what happened?

@jerrywesterby honestly as soon as I saw your post I thought you should ask this guy why he's not using your name

I often think there's something a bit sinister in here like they're dating so many people they can't be bothered to remember their name

DP never uses my full name unless referring to me as part of a conversation with friends; between us in person and in messages we use nicknames. I would find it very strange indeed in your position. On the offchance, but not impossibility, that he doesn’t know it, can you show him a letter or text or mention your name in a casual way (a friend said, “Name, we must go out sometime” or something) so at least you’ll know he knows it?

I worked with a guy who called his longtime gf babe. He was texting / seeing multiple women and laughed when admitting he called them all babe so he never risked calling one the wrong name!

It would sound weirdly formal to use your name in a text surely? I would only use my DH name when mentioning him to someone else, same for him. He wouldn't text me Hi Kadiofakit, or even in the house it would be darling or something like that. I can't remember last time I addressed him by name really

But you have many, many people saying it is normal. Not only is it a stretch but you are potentially causing drama or hurt over something the majority of people think is normal

I tried this but it did sound a bit cringe I must admit!

Our friend did this because his ex and new girlfriend, now his wife, had the same start sound to their names and he was paranoid he would slip up and say the wrong one. He ended up giving her a nickname based on where she was from. I don't think he has ever told her. Think Alex and Alecia.

No this isn’t my concern. The idea that you only start using someone’s name when you’re exclusive is very amusing.