New DP doesn’t use my name

[jerrywesterby]

Very new guy, approx 2 months of dating, everything is going great, he’s kind and funny and attentive, I really like him. However, I realised the other day that in all the time I’ve known him he’s never used my name! Either in texts or in person.. he doesn’t start any messages with “Hi Jerrywesterby” for eg. I say his name all the time, im starting to wonder if he even knows what it is! It’s weird right? Im not sure whether to bring it up because I don’t want him to feel like I’ve been keeping score, or just wait and see… wwyd?

Same, together 44 years!

This has really made me think about how we use names. It must come down to personal preference. He prefers not to use names in conversation (like so many of the replies here) and you do (I feel similarly). I like hearing my name, and or a personal term of endearment. It makes me feel seen and wanted and it builds connection while dating.

There's a good chance he doesn't know you want to hear it. You could outright ask him to? If he's nice and reasonable, he might be happy for the hint.

I don’t think I ever use anyone’s name when speaking to them, unless it’s a work thing or an argument. I use it obviously when referring to them.

Your name is basically just a noise used to describe you or get your attention.

Maybe start using his name loads and see if he takes the hint?

I wouldn’t text DH using his name - I know who I am texting by, and he does too!

Very formal to say ‘Hi David’ when you message 😅 I don’t do this with loved ones or friends.. it’s normally a ‘morning’ ‘hello’ ‘hey’ sometimes no opener!

I had three dates with a guy a few years back and the same thing suddenly dawned on me.

We were leaving the third date and he walked me back to the station and I just asked him outright, do you know my name?

He said no, looked a bit sheepish and then started this whole monologue about how ‘names are insignificant, it’s feelings that count’ honestly hilarious and embarrassing. I blocked him on the train home

I was at Uni with a guy who never used her new gf's name, called her something really rude instead. Married her and had 3 kids....

I use names in texts like "Oh, Jane, that must've been awful!" and "Thanks for the present, Jack, I love it".

Oh see I absolutely hate this! I can't really explain why, but it feels kind of fake, performative and patronising somehow. It doesn't feel more personal to me, in fact the opposite, because the only people I would regularly address with their names are very casual acquaintances.

(No offence intended, it's just interesting to see how everyone is different, obviously there are people like the OP who would really like this!).

I have to admit though, that years ago I did start doing this ('Oh Jane, that must have been awful' etc) after reading an article saying that it made people feel special and made them like you more. But doing that soon made me realise how much it annoyed me when people throw my name in unnecessarily, so I quickly stopped doing it!

Yes! It seems to be a customer service/sales tactic to keep repeating your name ad nauseam.

Same here. My Husband only uses my name when he’s calling me from another room or introducing me to someone or maybe speaking about me to his Mum.

DH rarely uses my name and vice versa. We have silly nicknames if we want to get each other’s attention from a different room and I’ll only use his if we’re out and I need to call him over, or referring to him with other people.
DH also has 3 names he goes by / one his full name, one a diminutive and another nickname from his youth (but newer friends use it too now).
It can get complicated 😜

We don’t use each others name when messaging, in fact no one I know does as you are speaking directly to them! We don’t really use each others names unless we want to grab attention.

dh does but i dont ive got a nickname for him anyway which he answrs to

I completely agree! I think hearing someone you care about say your name is pleasant, but apparently it makes a lot of people’s skin crawl!

I realise I might be coming across as some cheesy double glazing salesman, but it’s not like im inserting his name into every sentence, just hey so and so.. when we meet up. Im all for pet names im fact I never call my dc by their name real names, but I don’t think we’re at that stage… 😬

Amazing 😂

I use people's names quite a bit when I'm talking or in texts, don't think it comes over as insincere, I'd not do it with someone I didn't know well.

My partner doesn't use my name at all, just starts speaking. Uses it to tell other people about me, but not to address me.

Never thought about this til this thread!

When you are in person how does he get your attention?
I’m thinking when my DH uses my name. He’ll often use it to get my attention, so for example, if he’s in the kitchen and I’m in the sitting room, You’ll call out ‘ bumpty….. Would you like a coffee?’

Or if we’re out Shopping ‘hey bumpty… are these the apples you like?’

I understand you my husband is the same. It is difficult for other people to understand how it makes you feel. I also agree with @GarlicFind. It is amazing how many posters are OK with it. I can only think that many of the other posters on the thread must be using endearments with each other instead of names. As a previous poster said her husband calls her ‘pet’. I would be happy with that or ‘love’ etc. I think it’s down to my DH’s upbringing. His parents were very cold unemotional people.

My DP calls me by my full name all the time ‘twoshowsnewshoes do you want a cup of tea?’
I always feel told off 😂
i call him poopoobumhead or similar

I’m married and me and my husband don’t call each other by our names. He calls me babe or Darling, I call him baby bug or wanker, depending on my mood.

Just to add @jerrywesterby I would keep an eye on this. If it bothers you and he is not prepared to use your name you are allowed to rethink the relationship for any reason.

100% normal.

I know dh knows my name because he uses combinations of it, and my birthday, as passwords.

He only says it to me when there’s a problem or disaster I need to know about.

Same!
He normally calls me "my darling" haha. I would hope that after nearly a decade he does know my name though.

Yeh I’ve said upthread there’s not really been a situation where he’s had to attract my attention as when we’re together we’re together iyswim… if he’s going to the bar he’ll just say - what would you like to drink [no name necessary]…. But I’m going to keep an eye on it out of interest… I do think it’s got the potential to be a bit cold…..