New DP doesn’t use my name

[jerrywesterby]

Very new guy, approx 2 months of dating, everything is going great, he’s kind and funny and attentive, I really like him. However, I realised the other day that in all the time I’ve known him he’s never used my name! Either in texts or in person.. he doesn’t start any messages with “Hi Jerrywesterby” for eg. I say his name all the time, im starting to wonder if he even knows what it is! It’s weird right? Im not sure whether to bring it up because I don’t want him to feel like I’ve been keeping score, or just wait and see… wwyd?

Mine never does, after 20 years. I think it's odd but can't get uptight about it

Does he call other people their names if he wants their attention, or is it just you?

What does he say if he wants to get your attention? Are you there?

Some of these answers are 'oh my partner never says my name, apart from when he needs my attention for something'

So they do use your name lol.

Not the same as NEVER using your name.
Not a nice feeling.

Ha, yes, exactly that! Haven't taken much notice of others tbh

I’ve only heard my partner say my name when talking to someone else about me or if he’s trying to get my attention in a noisy place.

If DH says my name it’s jarring.
I’m still in his phone as first name last name (I would think I was the primary Emma in his life but apparently not)
he doesn’t address texts to me - or sign them off with his name.

My exH never used my name … like you I was really conscious of that. I like my name! He called me by lots of nicknames and terms of endearment. He had nicknames for my DDs (not his) and my Dsis - even though I always referred to them by their actual name. His phone was full of people known by their nicknames too … like bow-legged Mike, fast talking Jim etc …he definitely KNEW my name, he just chose not to use it. I wondered at the time if it was somehow a way of not accepting who I actually am. Instead him projecting who he wanted me to me … if he was talking about me he referred to me as his DW. But yes … I found it odd too.

When I met my husband I couldn’t remember his name at all. I have face/name blindness and it just wouldn’t stick. So I made up a name and renamed him 🤣

he’s been called by his made up name for almost 15 years now.

i did tell him about it though.

I never used my ex’s name. I used to call him darling. I realised one day that saying his name would seem wierd after so many years of darling 🫤

Jesus this is so cynical and conspiratorial. Ignore this post OP 🙄

Many many many years ago I nearly called my sisters new boyfriend by the wrong name. I nearly used the name of her abusive ex. It really shocked me and I actively avoided using his name going forward. I slowly developed a bit of a phobia of using names, 25 years later I still have it and still avoid using anyone's name.

Agree! I’d think I’d something wrong!! I rarely use names in messages unless it’s more formal/professional work type one.

the only time he’d use my name is if he we were in a a gro up and he was taking about me

I've been with my husband 18 years and he's only said my name twice in all that time.
Once being in the vows on our wedding day!

ETA he doesn't even call me any nicknames - he just doesn't call me anything.

So how does he get your attention if you're in another room? What does he shout to you

@JayJayj yeah mine calls me babe too. But I was avoiding saying so in my response, so that the mumsnet collective didn't decree it was naff, crass, sexist or rough 🤣

I never call my DH by his name, only 2 of us in the house so if I'm talking, I presume he knows its for his benefit?

So only 2 months together? Yeah he’s either got a wife/partner. Either that or he’s too embarrassed to ask 😏

Haha I mean I didn’t like it originally. But now I can’t imagine being called anything else.

@JayJayj same here.. after ten years of being called babe, I've grown to appreciate it as the term of affection it's intended as

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 some of these replies on Mumsnet lately are getting funnier!

Agree. The reach is to the moon and back.

So if I meet a new man and text him ‘good morning’ rather than ‘good morning Dave’ that means I must have a secret husband? JFC

Yes! My husband and I clearly have secret spouses that we both know nothing about!

They say it so factually too! Absolute batshittery.

@jerrywesterby

I’m with you, and a bit surprised by some of the answers, although the references seem to be when there’s a longstanding intimate relationship.

When it’s newer, like yourself, it can feel odd, and actually be a bad thing.

Sure, it’s a term of endearment, but NEVER said your name?! Pet names can be cute and lovely and well meaning, however if all the time they can actually be depersonalising, and therefore emotionally cold and distanced.

Personally I feel it’s something that grows as the relationship deepens, but I still wouldn’t use it all the time, not want it. Using our names is actually often more intimate.

Using your actual name for more serious stuff, like an apology for instance, makes it much more genuine.

@jerrywesterby Defo keep an eye on it…. I’d even be tempted to enquire about it either way him. ALL the time would actually give me the ick.

Please update us!!

My husband did this for about 30 years. He called me other things...sweet things like wife, or babe. I teased him one day and said he didn't know my name and he started using it. Lol

My DH usually only says my name when he's cross 😂. He doesn't even have a pet name for me. I call him loads of things including his name but mostly because he doesn't listen otherwise.