New DP doesn’t use my name

[jerrywesterby]

Very new guy, approx 2 months of dating, everything is going great, he’s kind and funny and attentive, I really like him. However, I realised the other day that in all the time I’ve known him he’s never used my name! Either in texts or in person.. he doesn’t start any messages with “Hi Jerrywesterby” for eg. I say his name all the time, im starting to wonder if he even knows what it is! It’s weird right? Im not sure whether to bring it up because I don’t want him to feel like I’ve been keeping score, or just wait and see… wwyd?

I’ve got some pals coming to my house tonight. When the doorbell rings I’ll open it and say “hiya [name], how are you, come in!” Maybe im weird….!

DP means partner doesn’t it? Surely he is barely a boyfriend at the stage where you have been seeing each other for 2 months?

I have been married over 20 years and I never call DH by his name. The only people who ever get called by their names are my children.

Agree with this. The majority are saying they never use anyone’s name in messages so to stretch to ‘this means he’s seeing multiple people’ is wildly overthinking and looking for drama that’s not there.

When I call my husband by name and (vice versa) it means he is in trouble 😃

I don’t understand why this is a problem for you. Why do either of you need to use the other's name if you’re talking directly to each other or have messaged the other person? My DH and I hardly ever use each other's names except when talking about each other to someone else. Even if my DH was looking for me around the house he would probably just shout "Hello?"

It's just habit. You’re reading far too much into it.

I call my partner Dave. No idea what her real name is

I don't think it's weird particularly. I mean it's weird you're dating someone that you suspect doesn't actually know what your name is?! I personally don't constantly use people's names in conversation.

22 years and my DH has used my name a handful of times, it didn't sound right when he does! 😂

God, no, this thread's weird 🤣 Not using names must go along with not answering the door and being disgusted by toilet brushes.

I use names in texts like "Oh, Jane, that must've been awful!" and "Thanks for the present, Jack, I love it". I say people's names all the time. And (when I had sex) in bed!

There's a reason printing someone's name on an item's called personalisation. Why would you want to be impersonal with your friends and loved ones?

The only time my partner of 15 years really uses my name is when he's saying to his mum "oh, that's what StephensLass said, too!" or some such comment. He never directly addresses me with it. It would actually sound quite weird!

Maybe, I’ve asked a couple of friends what they think and they also think it’s a bit weird.
I use my husband’s name semi frequently.
I understand not using it all the time when talking to each other but he won’t use it when trying to get my attention etc.

No, it's not weird. Many people do this.

i've never once in my life started a message with hi name and my skin would crawl if someone did it to me tbh.

Not saying this is your situation but I used to go out with a guy in my 20s who would call me "babe". Yeah... it was a long time ago. Don't laugh.

Turned out he was a lying, cheating scumbag and it was one of the things he did to avoid calling someone by the wrong name.

So that's my extremely large mental leap with no evidence to support it.

Not weird at all. I almost never use DP's name and he hardly ever uses mine. Only if talking about each other to other people. Never feels weird. I haven't with past partners either.

It seems really odd to use someone’s name in an informal message. Why would anyone say ‘Good morning Dave’ in a message directly to Dave? Just seems strangely formal to me - it’s not a business email it’s a casual text

my husband only says my name if he’s about to then say something argumentative or patronising - if I hear my name I brace myself!!

Ha! Nope, I wouldn’t do that either!

Why would you use someone's name in a message unless it's a group chat? And if it's just the 2 of you in the house why would you address them by name? I might say my husband's name in the house so he knows I'm talking to him but we have 3 children, when it was just the 2 of us I wouldnt go "phil (not his name), could you pass me the remote please" when there's no one else there. Nor do I wake up and go "good morning phil, did you sleep well phil, do you fancy a cup of tea phil?" That would be weird. There's no need when there's no one else there.

Me neither. I’d just say ‘come in’ no further words needed

I only once ever heard my father use my mother's name, because he didn't like it. I was so taken aback to hear him use it (he was talking about her to another relative).

I never address people by their name unless I'm trying to get their attention or it's not obvious who I'm talking to in a group. It feels really unnatural and uncomfortable to me.

I'd get a lowkey ick if someone I was dating started a message with "Hi name...." - it feels like a business email. It creates formality and distance where you should be hopefully building intimacy.

My parents have been married for 59 years. I don't think I've either heard my DM call my DF by his name - it's always e.g. (calls from kitchen) "LOVE, D'YOU WANT A CUP OF TEA?" 😅 And for that matter, my DH of 27 years hardly ever addresses me by my name either. It's quite normal. 🙂

I remember studying hamlet at a level and hamlets step father says hamlet a lot when talking to him and i remember the teacher pointing out it was to show the audience how insincere and not trustworthy the step father was.