New DP doesn’t use my name

[jerrywesterby]

Very new guy, approx 2 months of dating, everything is going great, he’s kind and funny and attentive, I really like him. However, I realised the other day that in all the time I’ve known him he’s never used my name! Either in texts or in person.. he doesn’t start any messages with “Hi Jerrywesterby” for eg. I say his name all the time, im starting to wonder if he even knows what it is! It’s weird right? Im not sure whether to bring it up because I don’t want him to feel like I’ve been keeping score, or just wait and see… wwyd?

Same as his dm /dsis /ex?
My best mate worked with a man the same name as her db and her bf!
Dh never says my name either.

We never use each others names! I can’t remember the last time I actually said his name to him! I definitely wouldn’t say ‘hi husbands name’ on a text message!

I find it weird when people say names a lot and I feel awkward using people’s names. I notice it when people address each other with their names on tv programmes such as Race Across the World and I think why? There’s just the two of you? Surely you know who’s who! I wonder if it’s a regional thing? Just different ways of speaking.

Destiny’s Child had a song about this (“Say My Name”) but in that case the man used “baby” to cover up his shady behaviour (presumably multiple women etc which I’m not saying is the case here)

Doesn’t he ever call you from another room/upstairs? I wouldn’t call expect my name in a text because he’s texting my phone.

Weirdly formal to start a text with "Hi, name." I would only do that if it was someone I didn't know.

I'm another one with a husband who never says my name.

The only time I ever use DH’s name is if I’m in a different room/on a different floor of the house to him and I need to ask him something, and the only reason I use his name is so that he knows the question is aimed at him and not one of the children.

Apart from that he is just babe, sweetheart, darling etc.

Using someone’s name can seem very formal at times and I definitely don’t think it’s the done thing in most relationships.

I have absolutely no idea why you’d expect t him to use your name when he’s messaging you - that’s really bizarre when you’ve been dating a few months.

I think this is just as issue where you have different expectations/approaches as to what is a typical was to address each other and although his way is different ti yours, it certainly isn’t anything outside the realms of normal or something to necessarily worry about.

I don’t use DH’s name unless I’m talking about him to other people or calling to him from a distant point in the house. I’ve never started a message to him with “Hi Name.” I don’t think I ever text anyone that way, unless I don’t really know them and it feels like the message should have a preamble. I don’t think it’s weird, it’s just how different people communicate: I have friends who name-drop when they’re with the person whose name it is, and friends who you just know who they’re talking to through context or direction.

I always call my husband by various pet names. I haven’t used his name in texts etc since our relationship was quite new. We don’t send each other cards for birthdays etc but I would’ve used his name in those if we did.

You know, I hadn’t really thought about this till now!

That’s really interesting! I never heard my parents call each other by their first names, my mom told me she found it embarrassing. After they divorced she had a second marriage and they never used first names either just pet names.

I never could bring myself to use my boyfriends’ names to their faces either, until DH and I went through something traumatic ten years into our relationship. It seemed the right thing at the time to force myself to call him by his name and once the initial embarrassment was out of the way there was no going back, and now I overuse his name if anything! I write it in texts and in person all the time. It’s very freeing and intimate and I’m so glad I conquered that phobia 😊

I think it's normal. It took me years to use my ex husband's name and even then I rarely used it. I rarely use my now husband's name either and he only uses mine if he's shouting up the stairs! My husband's ex wife does use his name a LOT, in texts and in conversation etc and I've always found it a bit odd.

The interesting thing about this thread is that I've learned lots of people are like this and I never ever realised it was a 'thing'!!

I’d never text anyone “Ho name”. The fact I’m texting their personal number is the biggest clue o know who I’m talking to!

I start with “morning!” Etc and “hey” or even something mundane such as “how are you?”

Surely that’s what most people do?!

Do you just mean in texts, or face to face. I think it's a bit weird not to have used your name once in 2 months. Obviously I'm the complete outlier here because apparently it's standard never to say your partner's name, unless you're calling from another room or angry with them. I'm pretty sure I would've said my DH's name once in 2 months outside of those scenarios. But hey ho.

I was seeing a guy for a few weeks, i asked him my name, he didnt know it!

My DH hates it when I use his name as he thinks he's in trouble!

Well this is very interesting- it seems i’m in the minority! To answer some questions I don’t think we’ve been in a situation yet where he has to get my attention, but we’re going to a craft market at the weekend, so I might wander off when he’s looking at something interesting and test out what he does! And no he’s not my DP he’s just a guy that I’m dating, we have had the exclusivity chat so I don’t think he’s juggling multiple women but it’s possible..

Those that say that never use their other halves names, is that the same with your friends? Do you never address your friends by their name? I do occasionally, not obsessively. I just find it find odd that he’s not said it once in 2 months!

Oh no! How did you react to that!?

Those that say that never use their other halves names, is that the same with your friends? Do you never address your friends by their name?

If we’re in a group then to make it clear who I’m talking to I’d say “Kate, how did your presentation go last week?” If it’s just me and Kate, I wouldn’t use her name because she knows who I’m talking to. Same goes for DH.

Yep DH never addresses me by name! I only use his name when calling him from another room or talking about him to other people I think.

Why would he need to start a message to you with your name? I understand if it’s someone you don’t know etc but surely if you’re WhatsApping etc there’s no need to see ‘Hi X’ every time you send a message?

Overuse of someone’s name is a car salesperson trick! It feels really inauthentic.

I only use people's names when I am talking about them or if I am in a big group and need to be addressing just one member. In one on one situations I don't think I've EVER used someone's name - they know I'm talking to them, I'm right there!

I do use the dog's name a lot, but that's because it's the only way to attract her attention.

When DD was little, she was staying overnight at my PILs. Her and SIL were chatting and SIL was asking her what people's real names were. So "What's my name, what's Gran's name, what's Mum's name. DD was getting them all right until she got to me. "What's Dads name?" "Hun!"

3 yo DD actually thought my name was "Hun", because thats all she'd ever heard her Mum call me!

To answer your question @jerrywesterby on whether its the same with friends, it depends if they've got a nickname.

Lets say I'm in the pub with my DP and my friends Dave and Steve, and I wanted to direct a questions to one of them in particular, then it would be the following

DP - Hun, what do you think of..........
Dave - Dave, what do you think of.........
Steve - Bob, what do you think of........

Steve has been Bob for reasons lost to time for 35 odd years, it'd be really odd to call him by his real name, only his Mum does that. It's the same with DP, it would just feel odd to call her by her actual name except in a situation where I really didn't want to call her Hun. If I started calling her by her name, it'd likely be a very bad sign for the health of the relationship to be honest.

In what circumstances? I genuinely can't think of any circumstances where I would use someone's name when speaking to them unless it was to call to them from another room

This is something I hate. Feels almost like there is some power play involved when some people say my name often in conversation. I know what my name is, why are you repeating it? It has happened at work on a few occasions. It is fake!

In my group of friends almost everyone is called Sarah so that wouldn't work!

This is quite the stretch 🤣

Isn't there a Seinfeld episode about this?