New DP doesn’t use my name

[jerrywesterby]

Very new guy, approx 2 months of dating, everything is going great, he’s kind and funny and attentive, I really like him. However, I realised the other day that in all the time I’ve known him he’s never used my name! Either in texts or in person.. he doesn’t start any messages with “Hi Jerrywesterby” for eg. I say his name all the time, im starting to wonder if he even knows what it is! It’s weird right? Im not sure whether to bring it up because I don’t want him to feel like I’ve been keeping score, or just wait and see… wwyd?

If my husband uses my actual name he is cross with me (or talking about me to my parents). I wouldn't worry about this at all.

If my ex used my full proper name I was wondering what was wrong. I actually find it stranger when people use your name a lot when talking to you and on text it is just odd.

Not really - it’s quite common for people tl he dating multiple people in the early days when online. Posts on here show how often people, men in particular cheat when in established relationships so an early days one it’s highly conceivable a man could be talking to multiple women. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as they haven’t agreed to be exclusive.

But I’ve read all sorts of stories over the years about how men avoid slipping up when cheating - give the women the same pet name, even as far as only seeing women with the same name as their wife! Nothing would surprise me when it comes to men and sex.

Most people don’t use other peoples’ names when talking TO them. Only when talking ABOUT them to someone else.

This thread is great! It’s made
me feel normal, I never used my exes name and he always said I was super weird because of it!

He isn't the strange one here.

How do you talk to him?
How did you start talking to him?

Surely if it was on a dating site or WhatsApp you name will automatically come up?

I rarely use people’s names unless it’s a more formal email but he may not know it and not know how to bring it up.

If it was me, I would find a way to tell him your name and then see if he starts using it more.
If he does, then it’s possible he forgot your name but if he carries on not using it then it’s likely he knew it all along.

I ended it op. He said he has difficulty remembering names. I told him that its acceptable to ask somewones name again during early chatting.

I can't say I've ever thought about this, but now I am, we never say each others names. I never start a call or text to DH with "Hi Brad"

My husband of 25 years rarely says my name and I hate it. He doesn’t use any special nicknames or terms of endearment either. I don’t know why I hate it so much, it just makes me feel like nothing I guess.

I’ve been with my DH for 15 years altogether and I can’t remember the last time either of used the others name to each other

I agree.

I rarely use names any way unless I’m talking about someone but when dating I actively avoid using names incase I get them mixed up.

My job means that I work with a lot of different men and get at least 30 new names a week.
Its impossible to remember them all and it’s so easy to accidentally call someone by someone else’s name.

They’ve only been dating a couple of months.
I assume they’re both still talking to other people or were until recently.

Oh. I've just realised mine (newish but not as new as yours) doesn't either. Does it matter? Now you've mentioned it, I think it might?

I think you’re taking it personally.

Read the replies on here and you’ll see it’s normal to not use each others names or even pet names.

When you’re talking to someone it’s just not necessary.

A text isn’t a letter so requires no addressing of the recipient

I think I use "Hi name" on a text for people I have more of an aquaintance relationship with than people I'm close to. E.g. if I was texting a school parent to ask something, I'd probably start Hi name, but for DP, my sister or my close friends, I'd either just say Hi or wade straight in.

In conversation, I'd only use names if I needed to get their attention, or maybe if I'm cross, not just conversationally.

Ive never used anyone's name when texting them.
And to have someone use my name all the time especially a partner bf or husband, would piss me off.

When I worked in banking, when customer service/sales training was just becoming a thing, we were taught to use customers' names often, to "build raport". I am still prone to it in a more formal or work conversation, but not with people I know well.

I experienced a contractor do it with my boss recently and she was really offended by it, found it patronising, which was interesting.

Those that say that never use their other halves names, is that the same with your friends? Do you never address your friends by their name?
Not unless I have to. I hate using names. It just feels weird. Except with DC, or other children. Even with DH I find it mildly awkward.

Dh rarely uses my name we have been married nearly twenty years!!

We don’t really use each others names either except if we’re calling through the house to get their attention!

I think this explains why some people (including me) hate it so much. When someone uses my name a lot it feels like an obvious tell that they’re mentally following a training script instead of being genuine in their interaction.

DH & I don't use each other's names.
I do notice that my Irish SIL calls my brother by his name, or sometimes both forename & surname.

I don’t really say anyone’s name in real life unless I’m trying to get their attention. And I don’t put them in messages because it seems very formal like the start of an email. I’m sure he knows your name if you’ve had the exclusive chat! Maybe call out his name in a passionate moment and see if he calls out yours too?

OP I totally know what you mean.
And using someone's name doesn't mean you're forcefully inserting into conversation left, right, and centre like some others on here are suggesting.
There is something personable about using someone's name, when appropriate.
My exP never used my name. We were together 5 years. I even used to say to him "you never say my name!". And then in that moment he would say it, and it would seem/sound so weird. No pet names either.
It bothered me and I can't properly articulate way.
I think the best way I can explain it is because - in his particular case - I genuinely think it was a symptom of his overly reserved, passive personality. And that's ultimately what I didn't like about him.