We’ve been cut out of the will.

[Nottellinganyone]

It’s taken me a while to realise it [slow on the uptake] but my FIL died a year ago and it properly came home to me last night that I’ve been cut out of the will - which isn’t that strange, as I’m only a widowed DIL - but also ds has as well. I really thought ds was a beloved grandchild, and after all we lost his dad when he was a teenager. No money but also no keepsake or message, nothing like a ring or a book or anything.

And now on top of that I feel like a fool for ever believing it was otherwise. FIL once described his will to us years ago when Dh was still alive, and he’d set up family trusts for each of his children and their own families. But I guess once Dh died that ended. I feel like I’ve been shoved out and the door slammed.

Never expect anything then you can't be disappointed.

How do you know for definite? Is it worth getting a copy of the will?

Is there no other family you can ask to find out exactly what has been done? A sibling? It’s odd for a grandchild to receive nothing. Are you sure that the money not been put in trust for him?

Are you estranged to the rest of the family? Does your child see his grandparents?

Get a copy of the will. If it’s not straightforward then it can take well over a year to conclude.

Is MIL still alive? Perhaps he left it all to her and the trusts only come into force when she dies?

i don’t know why you’d expect anything, but it’s a shame for DS.

Maybe there is a trust for him? Would it be a substantial amount?

Is MIL still around? It may have been passed to her.

In my experience anything with trusts can take a long time to sort out.

I would be surprised about this too OP. Did DS have a close relationship with his grandfather before he died?

Yes I agree get a copy of the will. I think that I would mention that your son would like a keepsake and open up that conversation too. It's very hard to ask as you don't want to appear grabby but you're not expecting anything you're asking for your son.

I'm so sorry. This must feel like a real blow to you. I understand that you wouldn't be expecting anything, but for your father-in- to cut his son's only child out of his will after he lost his father while he was still a teenager feels quite shocking.

I doubt there is much you can do about it, but you aren't wrong to feel hurt on your son's behalf.

-MIL died before FIL
-I expected something because FIL told me about the family trusts and that we were part of that. But yes, having thought about it it’s not at all surprising either that I was removed or that the family trust or that DH’s trust itself was dissolved. I just hadn’t thought that would be the case because of ds.
-I’m estranged from the executor though not everyone.

I’m definitely not going to ask. I think the trusts were set up to reduce tax liability and to my surprise it seems that doing this may eliminate the need to apply for probate, so I will likely never find out.

Sorry, there isn’t really any advice or anything. Just feeling sad and angry about all of it. It wasn’t always easy after Dh died trying to remain a good DIL, raising ds alone and especially as my DF and DM were ill and dying too, but I loved my PILs and tried my best. I feel like they didn’t care about any of the effort I made.

It's possible it's still ongoing.

Were you and your son in contact with FIL before his death?

If it’s only a year since his death, I wouldn’t rule it out — wills can take forever.

Did he see his FIL often?

Op, you really can't reach that conclusion until you see a copy of the will. You can apply on-line, you don't need to speak to the executor.

You can only see the will online once probate has been granted. If a grant of probate wasnt required, which it may not have been in this case, the will remains private. (After losing my husband, my dad and my mum in recent years as well as my ILs and being an executor twice, I know more than I care to know about this).

I have to find a way to just get over this. It doesn’t change anything, not really. The love they showed to us was real.

Check the will and also if there was a trust it would probably be an irrevocable trust, meaning once established it could not be reversed, it also likely the trust will have a secondary beneficiary, if the primary is dead.

It may be the trust that was the problem. If the bequest had been made directly to your DH your DS might have been a beneficiary in the event of your DH predeceasing your FIL.

So sorry for your disappointment. I had something similar, I was the only niece not recognised in an unmarried uncle’s will. He made the will in his nineties and had simply forgotten I existed. I had no expectations as we hadn’t been in touch but it was being forgotten that saddened me.

Oh OP I’m sorry, if it’s right then it’s rubbish. Agree that you need to see the will though. My husband’s dad died when he was very young but when his grandparents died (over 30 years later) he, his siblings and his mum (who had since remarried) got his dad’s portion of the inheritance divided between them. His mum didn’t actually expect anything for herself but it would have been very odd if by virtue of having lost a parent the grandchildren had been effectively written out of the will. And yes, all the usual caveats about no one being entitled to an inheritance but it’s about more than money, it’s more that not being included makes it feel as if the death of the parent means that their family are no longer part of the wider family, which is really sad.

Why are people so hung up about getting something in a will when people die???
ffs, it’s not legal requirement that they have to leave relatives anything!

Ah there we go. No, Brenda, they don't have to leave anything to anyone. But if someone has told you to your face that they are going to, you do think that will be the case. It is normal to leave things to your children and grandchildren. I’m sad that it’s changed, and the sadness is all tangled up with multiple griefs, and I will have to deal with that.

TBH I’ve posted threads on here about mops, recipes, dresses (not in this name). It’s not weird to care a bit more about family relationships than mops.

Well if her DH had a trust and instead of passing it to his son or widow on his death they dissolved it, that is rather abhorrent behaviour imo

In this case FIL thought it was important enough to have said so to the OP.

So hardly surprising.