Continuing AIBU thread 3

[PithyBeaker]

More of the same, and thanks for your support

Oh I know that feeling! For me it was a feeling of euphoria combined with a deep sense of peace. Long may it last!

If you don't mind my asking, how is your son doing?

I love this for you OP. You are one classy woman. You wouldn't get drawn in to seeing him as a monster - which could easily have been done.

So happy for you. Onwards and upwards now. Regain your space with your boy.

Why don't you treat you and your lad to some new home decor? some new bedding, sofa cushions, artwork, new mugs - whatever makes your place feel more YOURS. How exciting!!!

I’ve been lurking on your threads @PithyBeaker and just wanted to say congratulations on how well you have handled this , best wishes moving forward .

🤣🤣🤣 not a chance. Also I didn’t say he seems happy, I just said he is coping well and focusing on sorting the flat. Yeesh, give the man a break.

He’s doing really well, thanks. Seems happy and not fussed and just getting on w things, looking forward to his bday party. TBH nothing much has changed for him, we wouldn’t have had the kids back until tomorrow anyway so he hasn’t really missed them yet and I do all his parenting day to day already anyway so no change there…

I’ve followed since the start. Well done you kept a cool head and were kind. Hope your son has an AMAZING birthday tomorrow xx

@PithyBeaker I hope your son's birthday party is absolutely excellent, he enjoys having his friends for a sleepover, and that the inevitable sugar-fuelled rampage is manageable/bearable for you! Happy Birthday to PithyLittleBeaker!

Oh this is great, I'm so happy it went so well! Even when you know it's the right decision, ending a relationship with someone who doesn't want the relationship to end can be absolutely heart-rending. Just because you don't want to be with him anymore, doesn't mean you want him to suffer x

Thank you for this lovely comment.The house is priority next weekend. Bday party first 😅

Your welcome. Also presumably you now have spare bedrooms? Could you and your lad decide some cool things to do with them and kit them out? A games room? sewing room? gym? - something for your hobby? That would be fun planning hey?

You’re amazing @PithyBeaker

seriously! You saw it for what it was, you opened your eyes and took a deep breath and did what you had to do, both for yourself and your son.

im glad it’s all gone so smoothly. That will be a godsend for you - and for the ex too tbh - no need for WW3.

but also no need for lingering contact so phase out now and don’t share too much about what you’re doing etc.

I hope so. He was acting completely disfunctionally and dumping all his disfunction on OP. Rightly she said no more. And now he can start to wake up and realise he is an adult and has to do his life. It's not something he can dump on someone else (mummy) whilst he continues to live like an entitled teenager on his video games, in a beautiful home whilst getting waited on and throwing a hissy fit when he doesn't get his own way.
It's his time to step up and be a contributing adult.

Would a ceramics studio be a madness?? 😅🤣 One room ear-marked for hang out zone for DC and pals when they come round

A ceramics studio sounds fabulous, I have a sewing room / art studio and love spending time in there.

Your home, your choices @PithyBeaker 😍

Sounds perfect 😊 a little bit of me time doing something you enjoy. Go for it! Look after yourself.

Your son will undoubtedly follow your lead.
You happy, relaxed and peaceful and he will follow.

During the teen years, his may well be the house that friends want to hang out in, which will be great for him and you.

Lovely for him to know that he can bring his pals back to hang out and that the house is calm.

Creating a Den room for him, a TV, ps5, whatever will be great for him.

If you already know you love ceramics, then my only piece of advice would be to buy the biggest kiln you dare. If you're just finding out if you love it, I'd either stick to a small one for now or find an arrangement to fire somewhere else, assuming what you make is transportable.

You have two spare rooms now do you? Yeah one for ceramics woudl be amazing, and a chill out room for his mates. Could kit it out with a sofa and play station and mini fridge and a games table etc. How old is he? You could have a lot of fun planning it together.

And a room for your friends to come and stay! Best of luck with party, hope all goes well.

You are wonderful @PithyBeaker!!! I think you have an excellent balance of being firm but kind, whilst staying classy.

good luck for the party!

I love this idea. Once the bday party done after this weekend, will start on this. Couch w fold out, TV, games table, darts maybe… he loves ping pong too but that might be pushing it… I also want to redo the family bathroom as top priority (it’s absolutely trashed). Feeling good this morning. Thanks all ❤️

A "little man's cave" for your little man would be awesome, and is somewhere for him to relax and have fun - love it! 😎

Then "Pithys Parlour" for yourself to unwind, and relax - both sound like winners to me! 💕
@PithyBeaker

I tell you a little story - different situation of course, but it could inspire you to do some things you may have held back from.

When I split from my abusive controlling ex of 21 years, I moved into my own place. I immediately bought this old vintage butchers hutch thing that I had always wanted (my ex hated vintage furniture so we never had any!), and filled it with vintage quirky mismatched colourful mugs (again he hated those, and had to choose even mugs). A month before I left I had bought a set of mugs and he had returned them - without even consulting me - because they weren't 'right'. 40 year old mother of 4 and I wasn't trusted to buy mugs. He said I just had poor taste.

Anyway, not saying your ex was like that. But inevitably you will have compromised on things in your home (eg the rug) because thats what we do. Now you can have it exactly how you want. The liberation will feel huge. Your story has taken me back to that happy feeling I had putting all my cups in that hutch in my new home. I remember crying tears of joy.

Oh I’m so happy thinking about your lovely vintage butchers hutch and colourful mugs!!!! That’s exactly how I feel. Tbf he has always said I have good taste and likes most of what I pick but I am looking forward to not having my stuff get trashed and broken!!!!