Continuing AIBU thread 3

[PithyBeaker]

More of the same, and thanks for your support

Glad you feel better @PithyBeaker!

Make yourself a little list of the snippets of support from here to remind you of the reality you lived. Not what he says would be different.

Remember he has just spent a full week, alone in a flat with his children. When was the last time that happened? These are the actions of a man desperately trying not to solo parent his own children. I'd imagine his flat is very much a mess right now and he will have just had to scrub a toilet.

“A woman without this painful burden would likely not have let this shiftless man over her threshold.”

this makes me so sad.

All over the place right now. Getting my period which really doesn’t help. Thank you all though for reality-checking me. I appreciate it. 🙏

Guess who is having a shit time in the flat.

It doesn’t matter what issues you have or don’t have, or anything anymore because you are no longer in a relationship and it’s none of his business.
I was all for giving him sometime to sort himself out but clearly you need him to shift his shit and cut him off.

Please keep remembering... this is the man who wanted your child to live in your home less.😒

@PithyBeaker THIS x1000

OP, that's all it is, just a reality check. You know what's what, you really do. You know you are worth more than you were getting.

You got this.

@PithyBeaker .... you've done absolutely the right thing removing all the chaos from your house....and your DS seems to be liking the peace too. If you give in now he'll see it as your weakness, so will his DC, yet you're strong.

If you really feel you must reply just message back

"Sorry, who is this"

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you :'(

It's not your fault that you had a horrible father. It's not your fault that you have PTSD from him. It's not your fault that you have pain that ex could soothe for a while. It's not your fault that you still hope to have that again.

All of it is to try and get his cock back in your lodge.

Oh, you didn’t!! I didn’t mean that. I meant it was such an astute comment and it hurts to think that if I wasn’t so damaged I would have made better decisions … feels like injury upon injury. But I am not aggrieved at YOU for pointing that out (not at all, I love you and your advice has been some of the best). Just the fact of it is sad. That is what I meant

I keep saying this, but the upcoming teen years with his under parented children are going to be very very difficult. In addition, teen boys often have a very conflictual relationship with their step dads.

Your ex is not the prize. The chaos he brought into your life and the chaos that is yet to come should be avoided at all costs.

@PithyBeaker

Lovely, he knew your weak spot and has now mercilessly stuck knives in it to get you to 'admit your wrongs' and beg him to come back. No one who really loves someone EVER does that! Think of it. Would you exploit someone's past traumas to get what you want from them? Of course you would not! Not even a half decent person would sink so low!

And you were NOT wrong to ask him to leave. Likely he and his DC were actually making your PTSD worse, so asking him to leave was 100000% the right thing to do!

I know you say you're feeling better, but a bit sad. AND to top it off, you're getting your period. I think it's time to block him, for now. You can unblock him if you still want to when you have had time to really digest the wise words of PPs above that you did the right thing and that the relationship 'failure' is not your fault', and when the hormonal part of your period is over.

Give yourself that gift of calm and quiet, block him. Doesn't have to be forever. Just for now.

Pithy he knows your weak spots and he’s now exploiting them for all its worth. This is not him caring about you. This is him getting you to doubt yourself. The man who couldn’t be bothered to take you a cup of coffee.
By all means go to therapy if you want- just not with him! Sort out your PTSD if it’s an issue for you. Thank him for his thoughtful suggestions! So helpful! So kind of him to care! But no he isn’t moving back with his feral kids and his freeloading self serving entitlement.
Judge him by his actions not his words. Your decision for him to leave your house led him to dump you- remember that. He started talking straight away about the next woman he could find.He only wants you with the house attached. You’ve understandably rejected his behaviour in your home… and because of this you need therapy?
You are under full scale attack now because he isn’t coping! It’s time to distance yourself from what he wants or thinks or believes about you. Instead think about what you want. A peaceful home. Your happy son. A life where you get to choose what is acceptable. Sleep well we are all wishing you well and you deserve so much more than this greedy man.

@PithyBeaker

i really should not be telling you what to do but is it not now the time to tell him to “pith off”.

We all knew there would be wobbles and tactics and we are all here to support you, even if only on screen. You’ve done so well just don’t beat yourself up for having a wobble honestly. We are all here to talk you down. You are your own woman. I was a single parent for a good few years after my husband buggered off with a childless version on me with no responsibilities. It was hard but was actually the best thing that could have happened. Happily remarried and so much better off. Sending hugs xxx

He basically wants your home for his children, he does not want to parent them alone. He will promise anything now to get his feet back under the table - do you really want to go back to living with his children because you can't have him without them.

Yes I think so 😔

Never.

No one who really loves someone EVER does that!

amazing how obvious this is when I hear it but how I couldn’t see it at all until you said it.

Just remember what your son has said after they left.

You already gave him that chance.

He proved that he wouldn’t do it for you, only for accommodation.

‘No need for couple therapy as we are going our separate ways, thanks. Please collect the rest of your stuff by the weekend. All the best in your new home”

alternatively - and my preferred option, ‘oh do fuck off’*

Oh I'm glad to hear that phew! :)

It IS really sad to have childhood trauma that keeps resonating in your life, and it's so often in ways you don't expect. It'd be lovely if we could just switch that crap off, or erase it and start again, but it doesn't work that way, sadly.

I don't actually think you made any bad decisions with regard to ex, including living with him etc. No harm was done to any of you, including his kids. It worked, until it didn't anymore, and then you ended it pretty cleanly and fairly - before it did any damage.

I bet you a tenner that he will start the whole "but no one understands you like I do, and no one ever will, we have a history and you're throwing it all away... blah blah blah" bollocks. 🫩
Like he's the only man for you that truly understands you.
IT IS ALL SHITE, HE IS A NASTY MANIPULATIVE, BUTTON-PUSHING SELFISH CUNT!!! 😠 😡 😤

It's a classic calculated tactic, used to erode your self worth and is a shitty form of coercive control, to make you feel you need them in your life, as "but no one else will want you with your past trauma, as you are damaged etc blah blah blah" bullshit that he will spouted out.
Ignore him.
He talks out of his arsehole.
Baggage reclaim website has archives on this. He really so fucking unoriginal, it borders on the obsessive - pathetic really. 🥱🤦🏻‍♀️ 🫩

He's a TOXIC TWAT....
Block that prick.
Get some chocolate, have a hot bath and get on anne summers or love honey website for a decent vibrator and just "wash wank that man right outta your hair!" So to speak 😆

Edited to add: do whatever you need to, to make sure you look after yourself and swerve this nasty twat bag.
Sending hugs 🫂
@PithyBeaker