Partner lied about saving for house deposit, should we separate

[Sosadsad]

My partner and I have a nearly 3 year old. When our child was born, my partner agreed to start saving every month for a house deposit. Recently I started requesting house viewings so we can buy our first house (currently renting). My partner broke down and told me that he only saved for a year and then stopped. He’s wasted what he could’ve saved. I’m so upset. He is an involved dad but I think we’ll need to separate and I’ll need to buy on my own. I’m sure other women have been in this position but I feel so upset about the idea of separation.

Can you save together in a joint account?

Have you been saving?

I’ve been saving all this time and he hasn’t.

Financial incompatibility is a major cause of marriage breakdown.

Don’t hook your wagon to someone who is pulling in a different and selfish direction.

Did he say why he’s not been saving? Did you ever ask how much he’d saved or just assumed he was?

Unless there’s a big back story and he’s blown all his savings on cam girls, it seems a bit extreme to end the relationship over?

Omg yes ltb

He’s an adult so I assumed he was saving every month like me.

Did you not talk about how much you jointly had saved up before requesting house viewings?

So it’s my fault?

What did he use the money for? Has he got a decent car he could sell and buy a much older, small one? Has he got clothes or sports stuff he could sell on Vinted? It won't make up for what he's done, but at least it would show real remorse.

i had this with my ex husband…… he got no better with money I can tell you and the resentment festered and I hated him for it by the end

When you have kids you should have some form of joint account (like a joint savings). Seems mad to me to do anything otherwise, not everyone is always in the same financial position. Seems you need a bigger talk.

Well it depends what he's spent it on. How do you split the bills? How much could he have actually saved? Why do you value owning a house right now over keeping your family together?

He struggled to save before we became parents but then he promised to be careful and save. That’s why I didn’t want a joint account. He doesn’t have much to show for 3 years. He hasn’t saved every month like he promised to.

I would be so upset and angry too OP. If he can't be bothered to have saved for this situation it doesn't bode well for the future. Have you asked what he's spent it on?

But what’s he actually spent it on? And can be actually afford to save ?

We go halves on the rent, bills and nursery. Both do food shops. We both should have money left over but he just spends it and doesn’t save. He didn’t tell me until I started looking at houses.

I wouldn't break up with somebody over this.. assuming he hasn't been spending the money on sex workers.

Sounds like there is no budget or discussions on what is needed to be paid for, time to be more organised and know where the money is going.

Bit off uou just started requesting viewings without knowing how much you have.
He should have told you well before and I would nkt take kindly to lying if he kept sayong he is saving. What did he spend it on?

Yes you need to separate.

Awful of him to let you think he was saving for so long.

We pay all our bills and I didn’t want to demand access to his saving account. He told me he was saving so I believed him.

is this the first time you’ve discussed finances in 3 years?

I think a conversation about what the money has been spent on, a firm budget and a joint savings account would be my choice rather than splitting up.

unless, of course, it turns out he’s frittered the money on sweets or the like.

One option as you have said is to go ahead and buy the property in your name only. I think i'd be tempted to do that, at least you'll then have a property that you won't lose if you split up with your partner.

So where has it gone? If you were planning to buy jointly then a conversation about deposit and mortgage advice would be sensible before looking at properties. Indeed many estate agents would not offer viewings without assurance you had finances in place.