Sex, middle aged. Can’t be bothered.

[HollyIvy89]

Am 45. Am likely peri menopause
I am just not fussed for sex. I also can not abide being groped or stroked lol
I can get into sex once we get going but I feel annoyed about the expectation that the kids aren’t here so we will get going. I hate waking up to someone’s hand wandering my way.
I don’t live with my partner but he stays a few times a week and really do enjoy my own space but love his company, hanging out and totally fancy him. But I can take or leave sex.
My life if full on and very stressful with issues with my teen so quite often I am really not in the mood.
is this all normal at this age? Do men just expect more than a Middle Aged mom can muster enthusiasm for.
how do I deal with not making him feel unwanted

Life can contain many, many pleasures. If sex is one of the “few” pleasures you experience, I find that sad.

I can see what you’re saying but I think the current social narrative is the opposite - that women who lose their sex drives are “wrong” and need fixing, and that women who remain interested are to be celebrated and something to aspire to. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that alludes to women being over sexed or anything derogatory because they’re still interested in sex.

I can see where you're coming from but believe in society women have been derided for being 'over sexed' ie just wanting and enjoying sex for ever. For some weird reason society likes to pretend sex is mainly male driven, by the (extra manly 😂) male sex drive and women just put up with it, although this sentiment has reduced gradually.
It's nonsense. Women like sex as much as men do but society likes to pretend they don't.

Anyway, that's a whole different discussion.
As you were 😁

I definitely don’t want it as much as I did when I was in my 30s… I think this is entirely natural though.

@FoxRedPuppy I don’t think you are remotely weird, and good for you, I’ve just if I’m honest met far fewer woman over 48 who feel as you do - and for various reasons - sometimes it’s the person they are with, sometimes not - I do have one friend who is like yourself, never had kids and she has a newish partner and is suddenly into a rather alternative ‘scene’ -

Ha ha - I agree

Agree! I've had about 30 years of non stop relationships and probably averaging sex three times per week across those 30 years, some absolutely amazing, some absolutely crap!

I'm guessing denisdenisdenis is a man therefore has that everlong advantage over a woman - he gets to stick something in a another human and he is likely guaranteed an orgasm.

Men do not recognise enough, when they are whining about lack of sex, that they are asking to enter another person's body. This can fucking well hurt when you're not enjoying it or aroused and we are never guaranteed an orgasm. It's easy to sulk when you're not the one on the receiving end - every pun intended.

I’m not a man. Got the stretch marks to prove it lol!

I am aware my attitude to sex is at odds with most other women though.

I just dont know how to untangle it from emotional closeness. For me it isnt getting something stuck in me, although obvs have experienced bad sex with some partners.

but with the man I love Its the connection, closeness, the vulnerability, processing stuff we cant say in words. Reminding each other we belong to each other.

I have loads on my plate. But its not a chore its where I can release and destress and feel loved and relaxed.

Obvs that could change but I hope nit. Id miss that side of him so much if he couldnt for whatever reason too. But I'd be understanding.

But it is a pleasure, which is the point the PP was trying to make and its free, good for your health and you can do it alone as well if you like.

I'm amazed the govt hasn't found away to tax it 😂

I feel similar and I worry that we have drifted apart over the last year or so as I can feel the distance growing. We are still friends and and do nice things together and have nice chats etc but the sex side has dwindled over the years and is almost non existent now. It would be described as sexless despite the odd drunken one off now and again.

I love my DH but don’t find him physically attractive anymore. He probably feels the same as me now.

Id be happy being friends and enjoying other things for life now but I’m not 100% sure he would be. I think if he had an affair, I would
turn a blind eye now.

I do occasionally have sexual thoughts but not about him.

it is very much the elephant in the room with neither of us wanting to vocally address it.

I feel similar and I worry that we have drifted apart over the last year or so as I can feel the distance growing. We are still friends and and do nice things together and have nice chats etc but the sex side has dwindled over the years and is almost non existent now. It would be described as sexless despite the odd drunken one off now and again.

I love my DH but don’t find him physically attractive anymore. He probably feels the same as me now.

Id be happy being friends and enjoying other things for life now but I’m not 100% sure he would be. I think if he had an affair, I would
turn a blind eye now.

I do occasionally have sexual thoughts but not about him.

it is very much the elephant in the room with neither of us wanting to vocally address it.

I feel similar and I worry that we have drifted apart over the last year or so as I can feel the distance growing. We are still friends and and do nice things together and have nice chats etc but the sex side has dwindled over the years and is almost non existent now. It would be described as sexless despite the odd drunken one off now and again.

I love my DH but don’t find him physically attractive anymore. He probably feels the same as me now.

Id be happy being friends and enjoying other things for life now but I’m not 100% sure he would be. I think if he had an affair, I would
turn a blind eye now.

I do occasionally have sexual thoughts but not about him.

it is very much the elephant in the room with neither of us wanting to vocally address it.