Sex, middle aged. Can’t be bothered.

[HollyIvy89]

Am 45. Am likely peri menopause
I am just not fussed for sex. I also can not abide being groped or stroked lol
I can get into sex once we get going but I feel annoyed about the expectation that the kids aren’t here so we will get going. I hate waking up to someone’s hand wandering my way.
I don’t live with my partner but he stays a few times a week and really do enjoy my own space but love his company, hanging out and totally fancy him. But I can take or leave sex.
My life if full on and very stressful with issues with my teen so quite often I am really not in the mood.
is this all normal at this age? Do men just expect more than a Middle Aged mom can muster enthusiasm for.
how do I deal with not making him feel unwanted

Well, I definitely agree with that. My libido has been responsible for no end of trouble and I could definitely have achieved more if it hadn't at times been leading me.

mine is works away , not much chat , cuddles hugs etc .
then bedtime feels sorry for himself as he’s worked away all week and alone.
bit of build up woukdn’t be nice , cuddle , romantic movie maybe. Kinda goes from midsummer murder to bedtime with nowt in between .
then wonders why I am not all over him . Hmmm

To those that are no longer interested in sex with their partner: does monogamy remain important to you?

Yes. That's the irony isn't it.
I don't want sex with DH but I'd be furious if he got it elsewhere.

Do you know why?

I know it's irrational. He hasn't asked for an open marriage btw, but if he did I'd say no.
It might end up destroying my marriage.

I for one have never been on hormone contraception.

I honestly think it’s an evolution thing and very natural.
Women, once past their childbearing years, don’t need to be interested in sex anymore, so we were made that way. I actually think it’s more common for women to lose interest than to stay interested in it.

Yes, if dh decided he wanted to have a sex life with someone, I would divorce him. I wouldn’t blame him for wanting a sexual relationship, but I still love him so couldn’t cope with him seeing other women.

Yep this ⬆️! We still have sex once a week and I don’t dislike it but we’ve been together 20 years and he’s never made me cum, well no man has actually, I do a much better job on my own, I have tried telling him and showing him what to do over the years but I’ve now just given up and have shit sex every week and finish myself off properly when he’s left the room, as I said it’s not just him but every man I’ve been with, it takes a lot of careful positioning and time for me to orgasm so I would just rather do it myself and not bother with sex as it’s just another chore to add to my already busy week 🤦‍♀️

Yes I feel the same

Well he’s 61 - but yep I don’t think for all men that drive declines - and yep I find it a repulsive habit ( he is unaware I know)

Well he’s 61 - but yep I don’t think for all men that drive declines - and yep I find it a repulsive habit ( he is unaware I know)

OMG, yes!!!! I've said this recently in mixed company and some of the women agreed, while all of the men thought it was really sad that I thought this way.

My career soared as soon as the mating drive waned. And I'm sad that I didn't have more of a ambition drive instead of a sex drive!

Relationships in general no longer matter to me. My ex is partly (not the only reason) an ex due to this. I couldn't see the point of him anymore.

I’m 45. If I’m honest, there are definitely more evenings when I’d rather be in my PJs eating chocolate and watching Netflix than having sex. But, once we get going, I always enjoy it. Him going on a massage course was hands down the best thing that ever happened to our sex life, I have to say. I think I need to be "warmed up" a lot more now compared to when I was younger.

I am female, 45 and love sex with my husband. I don’t think it is a given that most women feel the same as OP. I wish we had sex more often but life gets in the way.

No one should have sex if they don’t want to - but their partner shouldn’t be expected to deal with it.

Wait until the menopause hits. Not during peri, i was abr did have a lower drive for a bit.

But nowadays I'm back to myself.

Also haven't taken any hrt, but I do get why others do.

Same here.
Was totally off sex in my 40s due to stresses with work and kids /only occasional sex with my exh that was just going through the motions. And I thought that was it.
Until I left him ( not exoecting to have sex ever again and no intention to ‘date’) and then have had two relationships with men I met unexoectey in the ‘wild’. I am 65. My current relationship is with the loveliest man who is the best ever at sex and also very loving and affectionate and my libido has gone through the roof. So I don’t agree with the age thing -it’s circumstances thing.

That's gorgeous 😍

Do you think it's more boredom with the women who've gone off sex with their long term partner?

Like, they know exactly what's coming and there doesn't seem much point? Whereas with someone new it's still fresh and exciting?

I’m 60, well past peri. I actually had a surge of sex drive around 50-55, just shows how we’re all different.

I’m 44 and my sex drive is nothing like it was. Occasionally I’d wake dh in the night because I’d woken horny and he’d oblige. I’d go nuts if he woke me for sex 😳
we’re both exhausted with work and teenagers so it’s far less regular but it’s not because sex isn’t amazing and he’s a “useless man”. I guess I’ve had sex regularly for 25 years with him and now I’m happy with a cup of tea and a book. We make time to keep the connection but it’s only once or twice a month. I think it’s my body not wanting babies anymore so makes sense. I still fancy dh.

Totally agree.
As well as sexism I think ageism drives this expectation.

Older women are now supposed to look twenty years younger and be as sexually driven as silly teenagers.

It is nonsense.

I get so angry reading responses from women telling other women who don’t want sex that she should go to her gp.

Not wanting sex is being seen as a deficit, a medical or psychological failure.

Then follows dire warnings that you won’t “keep your man” if you stop wanting to have sex.

Whilst this is frequently true surely we are better off without the shallow bastards if sex is their main reason for staying with us after a lifetime of what we thought was love and as women we should support others in their choice rather than suggesting a woman changes herself to continue as the man’s fuck puppet?

As for the comment that sex is what separates a relationship from a friendship, this absolutely discounts love and affection which can and are frequently expressed and received without sex.

Men still rule the world because they have conditioned women so effectively over the centuries that we promote their dogma for them.

In my case it wasn’t exactly boredom, just lack of connection with the ex that made it just another chore. With my current man, he is thoughtful and kind in numerous other ways that make me want to touch and hug him -exh not so much.

Couldn’t agree with this more.

Sexual appetite in later life all depends on the individual. A woman in my sports club, 64, looks 45, has the figure of an influencer, her boyfriend is 50 but looks 35. They often spend the day entwined and moving vigorously. Full on university style sessions, which she very keen to tell us about.

Good on her.