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Original poster

Has anyone regretting leaving the ‘nice’ guy

112 replies

DancingInTheDark44 · 09/04/2026 08:45

Married for over 10 years with teenage children. He is the nicest man but has changed completely from when we first met. We have different interests, he spends his weekends at football and I do my thing,
we sleep in different rooms, has no physical touch. Basically it’s like we’re house mates. He would be happy to plod along but I think I’m wasting my life. I’m not happy, even though he hasn’t done anything wrong. I feel like he deserves someone who could love him so much more than I can. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop crying as I know it will hurt him when I tell him.

Will I regret it, will I wish I’d done it years ago or do I just carry on to make everyone else happy

OP posts:
GotTheBluePeterBadge · 13/04/2026 15:58

DancingInTheDark44 · 13/04/2026 12:14

Im in my mid 40’s. H has said he will willing to change and since we spoke has made changes but I can’t shift this horrible feeling of just not wanting to be here anymore. I feel awful for thinking like this. He would be heartbroken if I ended it. I’m going to have to stay aren’t I. I can’t do this to him especially when he has said he will change.

Edited

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, OP. There is so much despair in this reply.

However, would you say how you're feeling right now is like how you normally feel? Or are you feeling abnormally down and despairing? Apart from your marriage, how are the other areas of your life?

I think you may be experiencing the menopause, OP. It has a staggering effect on your wellbeing and relationship struggles such as these are common when you're going through it.

Please book an appointment with your GP, at least to rule it out. Your husband may be right or may be wrong about depression, but if you get it checked you at least will know!

I don't recommend making any drastic changes until you can rule out these possibilities.

Dery · 13/04/2026 16:11

“My advice, for what it's worth, would be to not make any big decisions while you feel so lost.
Make an appointment with your GP or nurse practitioner - ask if there's anyone at your practice that is particularly good with perimenopause, and book an appointment with them. So many women I know have had a really tough time with their mental health as hormones change, and a few have made some big, difficult decisions that can't be reversed easily, only to realise the problem wasn't what they thought it was.
I'm not saying it isn't the case, it could well be that your relationship has run its course, but it could also be that there are other things going on which are making you feel so low.”

Very much agree with @AnotherNewNotebook. Love is a decision and an action as well as a feeling. Your DH can’t fix this on his own. You need to actively show an interest in each other.

A woman posted on MN about 1 year ago - she wanted to warn peri- and menopausal women about her experience. She had destroyed her marriage during menopause, having decided that she no longer wanted her DH and very determinedly pursued an affair with another man for whom she left her DH. Once the madness was behind her, she was horrified at what she’d done and desperately wanted to return to her marriage but her DH wouldn’t take her back. She was so full of regret and sadness.

There is a real disconnect between you and your DH. The gap may be unbridgeable but it’s worth a real final try. It’s thin pickings out there; the grass is generally greener where you water it and no-one has been watering it. It’s surely worth seeing whether this can be fixed before calling time.

kkloo · 13/04/2026 16:34

DancingInTheDark44 · 13/04/2026 12:14

Im in my mid 40’s. H has said he will willing to change and since we spoke has made changes but I can’t shift this horrible feeling of just not wanting to be here anymore. I feel awful for thinking like this. He would be heartbroken if I ended it. I’m going to have to stay aren’t I. I can’t do this to him especially when he has said he will change.

Edited

When you say you don't want to be here anymore do you mean in the relationship or are you suicidal?

Badinfo · 13/04/2026 17:57

Please look into peri-menopause you are describing my exact symptoms, HRT really sorted me out, but I was exactly where you were. I got my symptoms at about 48 still having periods and didn't twig till I read something.

MyOliveSwan · 13/04/2026 20:58

Why and when did you start sleeping in separate beds? Are you just missing intimacy?

Thegrassroots26 · 15/04/2026 18:43

There are virtually no decent single men left! I’d try everything if it’s salvageable and only you know if you can keep trying. If you are happy enough to leave and be alone then that’s different. I left thinking I’d find someone and I’m alone 7 years later. I don’t find it that fun! Despite that, some marriages are dead and can’t be revived.

Eesha · 19/04/2026 07:36

Thegrassroots26 · 15/04/2026 18:43

There are virtually no decent single men left! I’d try everything if it’s salvageable and only you know if you can keep trying. If you are happy enough to leave and be alone then that’s different. I left thinking I’d find someone and I’m alone 7 years later. I don’t find it that fun! Despite that, some marriages are dead and can’t be revived.

Yes, im now single almost 9 years. Both my exes met partners within weeks and are now married to them. In my case, one was abusive, the other was nice but had no intention of moving things forward in any way/just friends really. However I thought id meet someone easily.

Morepositivemum · 19/04/2026 07:41

I only think it’s a bad thing if you could have worked on it and changed it because life is too short to be living with someone where you both barely acknowledge the other. Saying that, counselling, date nights, taking a day off work to have a day out while holding hands, actually having sex etc etc etc might fix things if you want to

ACynicalDad · 19/04/2026 07:44

Makes no difference if you give it a few months. Can anyone look after the kids and let you have a few days away?

Catshaveiteasy · 19/04/2026 08:03

I think you do have to stay for now, yes. Because you haven't tried to work on anything. Work, children, life in general etc take up so much of our attention, that a relationship can be shoved to the side. Mine has been like that. Especially when our kids were teens as we had a lot of challenges. A few years ago I felt I actively disliked him and day dreamed of a different life with a new man (in my head only, possibly with a long ago ex).

We've moved on a lot since then, and I don't feel like that anymore (though there are still things we should work on more). Our kids are now in their 20s and the life stresses have receded quite a bit. We have started spending a lot more quality time together on trips out etc.

photodiva · 19/04/2026 08:15

Apart from the kids this was just like my first marriage. I left, we both moved on and both married again- and both still married over 30 years later, both now with adult kids.
so no, no regrets from either side (I assume from him too!)

Perfect28 · 19/04/2026 08:19

Intimacy needs to be worked on, you won't just naturally have an amazing sex life throughout a long term relationship- it needs work.

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