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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I get over affair partner? No closure.

214 replies

PinkyBrain290 · 06/04/2026 18:43

I don’t even know where to start with this, but I feel lost, torn and expect to get flamed (rightly so).

I’m married, kids, long-term relationship, kid 30's. In December I met someone through work at an event. It wasn’t meant to be anything, but it turned into a connection, a one night stand and us messaging constantly for 3 months straight. He lives 120 miles from me but we are both remote. He landed a job in a town by mine and said he wanted to continue meeting. We met for a drink in January, kissed but nothing more than that. We have only slept together once, and for me that wasn’t casual, I've been with DH for 18 years. AP did initially tell me he was single, but it then unraveled he wasn't and had always been with the mother of his children. When I found out he apologised, said he was scared of what I would think etc "because he liked me".

What messed with my head is that AP was very hot and cold towards the end. One minute it felt like there was something real there, the next he’d pull away. He was also in a serious relationship with 2 children. I think that inconsistency made me want it more.

It all came to a head when I ended up telling his wife. He told me they were planning a wedding... and didn't have sex anymore. I told his wife because I got fed up of the hot and cold. We were supposed to be meeting up in March and when it got to the day of him travelling over, he said his manager wanted to take him out and he wouldn't be able to see me until about 10-11pm at night, but that's when it dawned on me that to him it was sex only. He was in my area for two nights, the first night we could have met for a drink but it was the day before his first day at work and I did feel like it was just general excuses.

Anyway telling his wife to be was a huge reaction on my part and I regret how I handled it. Since then, he’s blocked me completely. No closure, no conversation, nothing (obviously). I blocked him on Instagram and he blocked me on all other platforms.

And now I’m just… stuck with it. It's been over 4 weeks and I'm just not over it.
I can’t message him even though it was wrong. It's like a drug. I can’t get answers. And somehow that’s made it worse. It’s like my brain keeps going over it, trying to make sense of something that’s already done.
What’s confusing is I know I wouldn’t have left my family, and he wouldnt have either.

Ive told my husband everything. Hes upset and wants to make it work with me, however now I’m grieving something that was never really going anywhere.

It’s been hitting me in waves. I’ll be fine, then suddenly I’m crying. It's been over 4 weeks and I've done nothing but secretly cry all weekend.

Ive stupidly looked at his partners social media and it looks like they're staying together so I don't know what rubbish he has told her, however I know I'm wrong.

I guess I’m asking:

  • How do you get over someone when there’s no closure?
  • Is this just a case of time doing its thing?
  • Has anyone else had something like this that felt huge at the time but eventually just… disappeared?

I feel ridiculous even writing this but I'm spiralling and I just want to speak to him - it's bonkers.

OP posts:
Twinandatwoyearold · 11/04/2026 14:39

Why do cheats trust their fellow cheat? It’s actually quite funny.

Mr Cheaty trusted you to keep it secret! You trusted him to tell you the truth. Oh the irony. There’s no honour amongst thieves!

Gloriia · 11/04/2026 14:55

Twinandatwoyearold · 11/04/2026 14:39

Why do cheats trust their fellow cheat? It’s actually quite funny.

Mr Cheaty trusted you to keep it secret! You trusted him to tell you the truth. Oh the irony. There’s no honour amongst thieves!

It is quite funny I agree.

Thewookiemustgo · 11/04/2026 18:05

Can’t say I find it funny, it’s rank self-deception at Olympic level, but it’s so very true. It just shows you the extraordinary level of self-deception and skewed reasoning that goes on in affairs. Even by intelligent, usuallly morally upright people. It’s how good people end up doing bad things: by lying to themselves about the severity/ justifications of their actions. Great book on the subject of good people doing bad things is “Mistakes were made, but not by me.” Fascinating read, about how normal people with loads of integrity to start with, end up in jail for fraud, for theft, or cheating on their beloved partner, or even committing murder. It always starts with a small boundary crossed and a small lie to justify doing it. The snowball effect of repeated lies to self and others explains the rest.
The internal narrative constructed has to kill cognitive dissonance/ shift blame/ nullify guilt and justify the unjustifiable.
The affair partners both have a vested interest in what they say to each other being the truth, despite both knowingly engaging in deceptive behaviour in plain sight of each other. To accept mutual lying would destroy the affair and eventually usually does, especially when one affair partner starts to push the other to prove all they have promised. Eventually they start questioning “Of course I’m going to leave him/ her, I just can’t do it now because x y z bullshit excuse.”
Affairs are more about the attraction and ego boost of the mutual flattery than real love, so flaws and poor behaviour to others are minimised and what they find attractive maximised to get the most out of the high. The negative qualities of being openly dishonest and harming others are filtered out, because of course, their beloved would only ever be dishonest with or do harm to the person they are deceiving, never to them.
As long as they are at surface level kind and loyal to each other, what they have to do to others to sustain and progress the affair becomes no more than indirect collateral damage, especially when they don’t ever see the impact because the betrayed still don’t know. Their ‘fix’ of the high of secretly seeing each other becomes worth the invisible pain to the deceived and worth the considerable risk to the deceivers. They see the deception as ok because it is a necessary evil of their star-crossed, surely fated destiny of being together, which feels so great.
It’s disgusting behaviour and rotten to the core, it stinks to the heavens, but they deaden the stink with sweeter smelling lies and mustn’t even entertain the thought of this, or their whole narrative breaks down and forces them to see who they’ve become.
Discovery often bursts that bubble, usually at first just for the affair partner who got busted. They can’t believe the mess they’re in, are terrified of all they stand to lose and now can’t believe they ever thought like that, have no idea how they became able to do what they did, or that they spouted the bollocks they spouted.
When you lie yourself for a good while, get used to justifying doing wrong and get used to lying to others, it just becomes your normal and doesn’t worry your conscience one bit. You desensitise yourself.
To those saying ‘but they chose it repeatedly over and over again each day’ is true, but that implies that as time went on, the impact of the choice stayed at the same intensity with every repetition. It doesn’t. They couldn’t keep up the deception if it stayed that stressful and painful. The very first time the boundary was crossed was the most conscious they were of the implications of their choice and had the most impact, hit the hardest it was ever going to hit. The more often the boundary was crossed, then justified with lies, the less impact it had until it didn’t even touch the sides of guilt or shame.
The offender gets better and better at the internal lies and ignoring/ overriding/ stuffing down their conscience quietens it alarmingly. A bit like hearing a neighbouring burglar alarm go off so regularly that you don’t worry something is wrong any more, you just accept the alarm sounding and ignore it. It becomes annoying, not concerning. The shock on discovery isn’t just that their belief that nobody would ever find out is false, but that a whole load of other stuff they believed at the time is also bullshit. It’s why a lot of cheats realise they’re not in Kansas any more and like Dorothy, just want to go home and have everything as it was.
The other affair partner, the one who didn’t get busted, hasn’t had their internal narrative challenged in this way and doesn’t, until they get dumped by the busted partner. Then they are in total confusion with their new reality because their internal narratives, especially, “Well, yes, he’s a liar but he loves me, he’d never lie to me!” no longer stack up either. If what their busted affair partner said was true, how the hell can they dump them and cut them off like nothing ever happened? How can they go home and want to stay with the spouse they allegedly no longer love and endure the sexless marriage they said was dead? Just how after all they said/ did?
It hurts like hell to discover you’ve been lied to and got played (tip of the iceberg to how the betrayed feel, by the way) but the only explanation which answers the confusion correctly is that it was all bollocks.
I’m not saying that both affair partners don’t sometimes firmly believe what they are saying at the time in the fantasy bubble, but when reality hits, people follow their real feelings and wants. The truth of the whole fiasco gets revealed and the self lies fall apart.
Any remaining confusion on the part of the dumped affair partner means they are still lying to themselves and desperately staying in denial to avoid the painful truth: they got forced to make a choice: They didn’t choose you.
If you still believe a word that was said to you but they’ve upped and gone, you need to give your head a wobble and learn what affairs are really about.
That’s why cheats believe cheats: they have to.

Twinandatwoyearold · 12/04/2026 07:40

@Thewookiemustgo

Sorry Wookie - I agree the affair isn’t funny at all. Poor choice of words by me. The fact that the cheat is shocked about their partner in crime being a lying arsehole is what I find incredible. Funny isn’t the right word - ridiculous is a better word. Who would be foolish enough to get involved with anyone who you know lies to their spouse. I find lying unattractive.

I agree with your entire post. And every affair seems to involve extensive self deception.

I do not understand why people see affairs as sexy or exciting - they smack of poor self control and disease. I’m pretty easy going but I would struggle to respect someone who cheats on their wife or husband (and the damage it does to children who watch their betrayed parent fall apart is, in my opinion, abuse).

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 12/04/2026 07:43

@Thewookiemustgoexactly right. Every word.

Thewookiemustgo · 12/04/2026 10:40

Twinandatwoyearold · 12/04/2026 07:40

@Thewookiemustgo

Sorry Wookie - I agree the affair isn’t funny at all. Poor choice of words by me. The fact that the cheat is shocked about their partner in crime being a lying arsehole is what I find incredible. Funny isn’t the right word - ridiculous is a better word. Who would be foolish enough to get involved with anyone who you know lies to their spouse. I find lying unattractive.

I agree with your entire post. And every affair seems to involve extensive self deception.

I do not understand why people see affairs as sexy or exciting - they smack of poor self control and disease. I’m pretty easy going but I would struggle to respect someone who cheats on their wife or husband (and the damage it does to children who watch their betrayed parent fall apart is, in my opinion, abuse).

No need to apologise at all, I really didn’t mean it as chiding you about ‘funny’, you’re right, I meant that it goes beyond funny and as you say here, straight through funny and into the totally ridiculous.
The media portray it as exciting and sexy and I’m sure it is within its bubble, but I wish they’d show you more of the damage it does and lives and reputations ruined.
I’m going to refer more to men cheating than women here, whilst recognising that women do this too, before I get jumped on.
I’m glad to see someone refer to this as poor self control and disease.
It’s think the risk taking and flattery are what people find exciting, I do get that part if it, it allows you to reinvent yourself.
I also think that, especially in in very long term relationships, getting that ‘first date’ new relationship high can be pretty intoxicating and it allows you to turn back the clock to feelings last felt in your long lost youth.
No marriage, no matter how good, no wife, no matter how good, attractive and successful, can compete with that. It’s an unfair comparison. Comparing yourself to an affair partner (what’s she got that I haven’t got? Etc) is bunkum, all she’s got is being new, undiscovered, a challenge and a secret. Youth and beauty fan the ego harder and are a bigger reminder of a long lost youth for an older guy, but they are ego based feelings, nothing to do with their wife. No older woman can be younger again or have the youthful beauty of a younger woman, it’s impossible. But no affair partner can recreate the life and history created and built by the wife and her husband, within an affair situation, ever. That’s what most husbands never want to lose. In being forced to choose, most recognise the temporary nature of what they’re getting off on. They choose home. That’s why a happy marriage and being loved by your husband is no guarantee that he won’t cheat. Cheating isn’t motivated by your perceived flaws or marriage flaws, catalysts can be anything that gives more and preferably new validation.
The most terrific wives can’t do what a new affair partner can do, they’re not a new exciting secret. Known vs unknown. Doesn’t mean the affair partner is better than them, (remember they’re ok with his lies and deception and ok with helping him deceive you, that’s really not a nice person) they’re just a willing catalyst for his reinvention and trying to turn back a clock that stopped years ago. Beautiful, young, successful and famous women still get cheated on. Just shows you that it’s always about what’s wrong with the cheat, rather than what’s wrong with the cheated upon.
All this stuff is crack cocaine to someone who gets more from external validation because their damaged internal self esteem likes the boost, add poor self control and crap coping mechanisms, plus an ability to lie to themselves and it could be absolutely anyone. Anyone can cheat given the ‘right’ circumstances which feed their particular angsts.
“Disease” takes many forms and attachment issues, damage from dysfunctional parental relationships in childhood, what their preferred sources of validation are and how healthy those sources are, addictive personality …. so many things that we all suffer from to varying extents which can gather into a perfect storm, even for good people who never, ever thought they’d do this stuff can get there given the right catalysts.
These are never excuses, however, there are none for something that was always a choice.
They are just reasons that do make you more vulnerable. Don’t listen to a cheat who clings to them as excuses though. They knew what they were doing and they knew it was wrong.
‘Exciting and sexy’….. Affair partners often think they feel so great with this new person that they were fated to meet, that fate brought them together and thank God that this person came along at the right time to ‘save’ them from their ‘unhappiness’. You only ever hear ex affair partners on here describe the way the affair partner made them feel in extreme terms, convinced they’d have been together in another life…. totally ignoring the flaws and defects and toxicity of the whole dysfunctional relationship that an affair is. In denial about why they are now inexplicably, given all he said, without this fated soulmate who loved them so much that he ran back to his old life when he had to choose. They buy into ‘he only went back to her because of his kids/ because his wife was mentally ill and might kill herself etc etc’ but hold the phone, this guy isn’t noble, doesn’t do the right thing at his own personal expense, they have proof of this. He does what he wants to do and what is best for him and the best thing for him that he really wanted, wasn’t you.
That’s why they’ll say it took years to get over, or that they will never forget them and always love them… just like addicts miss their coke and booze. They are missing something toxic, something so bad it had to be kept secret. They are missing the whole point of why they felt that magical way. Their ex affair partner is not their ‘soulmate’. Their ex affair partner reinvented himself and showed them one side of himself and kept the rest, like the other side of his double life, hidden and lied about.
They are missing what was a fake and doctored version of him, they actually got his worst side, not his best.
If you’ve ever been cheated on and are angry that she ‘got his best side’ (flowers, fancy restaurants, gifts, constant messaging, champagne…) then stop immediately. She didn’t, those things weren’t his best side, they are the him he created when he’s cheating. All those traits belonged to a guy who was using them as tools to manipulate, gaslight and control his affair partner and prolong the affair. He was maintaining his fix and creating smoke screens to convince the new woman that he’s terrific, madly in love, convince her that she’s chosen, special….when every single time he left her, he went home afterwards and got in bed with his wife.
The love bombing is the bread and butter of maintaining an illusion. “Don’t look over here, pay no attention to the grubby little man behind the curtain…. look this way, over here, at the great, shiny new guy who does more for you than anyone you’ve ever met before. Of course he does, he’s got to prove that he’s a lovely guy, when he’s already on dodgy ground with that one.
You already know he’s lying to and deceiving his wife and sleeping with both of you, whatever he tells you. Distraction techniques and giving/ telling you what you want to see and hear, plus you wanting to believe what you see and hear, because it makes you feel so good about yourself, keeps the toxic soup bubbling on the stove.
After you get dumped you desperately want and need to believe this even more, because the alternative explanations leave you hurt, betrayed and humiliated for being so foolish as to believe a liar.
Darker forces than fate were at work and this person usually comes along at the wrong time for their weaknesses and the affair, more often than not, damns a previously respected and faithful spouse rather than saves them.
Unless the marriage definitely is dead and would have split up without the affair, (ie the ‘exit’ affair, a far smaller percentage of all affairs) most unfaithful spouses just want their life back how it was and want to go home if allowed.
All that damage, shattered trust, reputation ruined, personal weaknesses exposed, condemnation and unimaginable pain caused…..and for what? Ultimately nothing.

To sum up:
Sexy and exciting? Yes, but for toxic reasons. Disease? Absolutely.
Ridiculous? Too right.
But sadly so very, very common. The flesh is indeed weak.

Twinandatwoyearold · 12/04/2026 13:09

Yes reputation gone, trust gone, respect gone. And it’s not just the spouse that loses the above for the cheater it’s also some of their friends and family. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve heard what people say about the cheat.

I do think if people were aware of the risks and realise everyone is vulnerable to becoming a cheat then more would avoid affairs. Affairs don’t help anyone in the long run, ruining relationships, marriages, upending children (some of whom end up in poverty due to a cheat). It is so easy for anyone to cheat, it doesn’t mean you are sexy or smart or funny. You just have low boundaries and possibly a black hole that needs external validation to make you feel good about yourself.

Disease - I was thinking about chlymidea (sp) and syphillis and HPV. But yes you are correct Wookie.

Liars lie. They also have to lie to themselves. It’s not a surprise.

Gloriia · 12/04/2026 13:27

Twinandatwoyearold · 12/04/2026 07:40

@Thewookiemustgo

Sorry Wookie - I agree the affair isn’t funny at all. Poor choice of words by me. The fact that the cheat is shocked about their partner in crime being a lying arsehole is what I find incredible. Funny isn’t the right word - ridiculous is a better word. Who would be foolish enough to get involved with anyone who you know lies to their spouse. I find lying unattractive.

I agree with your entire post. And every affair seems to involve extensive self deception.

I do not understand why people see affairs as sexy or exciting - they smack of poor self control and disease. I’m pretty easy going but I would struggle to respect someone who cheats on their wife or husband (and the damage it does to children who watch their betrayed parent fall apart is, in my opinion, abuse).

Well exactly. I agreed with you and of course I didnt mean funny as in it's amusing lets all lol at the hurt and damage done, rather the other meaning for funny in the context of your post that it is odd/strange/ironic/baffling/funny that cheats expect their flings not to be a liar and cheat with them when they have demonstrated that they are fully fledged liars and cheats with their dps.

Thewookiemustgo · 12/04/2026 17:03

Agreed @Gloriia and my meaning wasn’t clear, sorry. I wasn’t thinking anyone took it lightly, sorry if it came across that way.

freedomformeismotherhood · 12/04/2026 17:07

You are only mid 30s!

This is normal because you got married so young

You need to leave your man, go out and have sex fgs

Have one night stands and flings and just enjoy yourself

You've had your kids - as long as you focus on parenting them when youre with them, nowt wrong with doing some bloody living

But as for that man - he is happily married and needed sex. You wont have been the only one and I can't feel bad for you there

Best of luck. God girl, get out there and have some fun xx

WittyTaupeFox · 12/04/2026 17:17

PinkyBrain290 · 07/04/2026 23:09

I am furious that I let myself get into this situation. Why do men just pick women up and drop them? I'm not just blaming him by the way. I just don't get how men can have one night stands and feel nothing. I've been led on. I'm still tearful tonight. I don't understand why 5 weeks later it feels worse.
i promise im going to get a GP appointment tomorrow, then get myself a referral and go private. It's killing me. Why aren't I strong enough just to move forwards ? I've also never had a ONS.

I do love my husband, but I must admit something feels missing and I don't know what it is. He works hard, good parent , cooks, cleans, we have regular good sex, he isn't selfish in bed. Everything is/was calm (even before this happened) and I even then I felt something was off, but I had a difficult childhood. Think addict parents and that's the part I can't bear to go over in therapy.

Edited

go on BACP website and find a great therapist in your area. They will be able to help you work through all the things you have mentioned in your post and more.

www.bacp.co.uk/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=WB_BACP&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Brand%20-%20UK&utm_term=bacp%20find%20a%20therapist&utm_device=m&utm_network=g&utm_location=20287&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=14852386482&gbraid=0AAAAAoLPPY8ERPqDYRs8eaNGKCqW_9piw&gclid=CjwKCAjwhe3OBhABEiwA6392zOjoCQpnmQNfEygbF5sNE3gyihb-RUGjDpS3ziWDU6xlTir19rQ2cBoCuvYQAvD_BwE

in the meantime take one day or even hour at a time. You are hurting and your feelings are your feelings. You deserve to sort this out for your future mental well being and with the right help you will. Good luck 💐

lemonraspberry · 13/04/2026 18:26

I am furious that I let myself get into this situation. Why do men just pick women up and drop them? I'm not just blaming him by the way. I just don't get how men can have one night stands and feel nothing.

this will be the same men who cheat on their wives. Men can have ONS, whilst still married, with other women. Don’t expect moral, sensitive behaviour from them. See the ‘relationship’ for what it was - a cheap thrill by a bored man.

You saw it as something more than a cheap fling and this is where the problem lies. You were happy to cheat on your DH but are devastated about being dropped by & ghosted by a man who cheated on his wife. You need to understand why this is.

PinkyBrain290 · 13/04/2026 19:36

Agreed. DH does not deserve me. He's a really decent man, laid back, cooks, cleans, works hard. We've come really far considering we've been together since teenagers. I love DH, I want to be with him, but I do feel something is missing. I've tried telling him prior to this, he doesn't understand; Tells me life is stressful with children in the mix and working full time etc.

I do appreciate all of your replies. I feel a little better today. I am still getting a niggle to message AP and ask him why I meant fuck all though.

OP posts:
Twinandatwoyearold · 13/04/2026 19:54

Op even if something was missing, how did cheating improve your marriage? It’s like having a leaky roof due to a slipped roof tile, the stuff in the attic is getting wet. But instead of fixing the tile you lob a grenade through the front door and blow up the house. I don’t understand how shagging someone else fixes your marital issues.

‘Seven principals of making marriage work’ is a book by a researcher called John Gottman. It’s easy to find. Gottman is well known and he writes good books based on extensive research (he had a lab where he watched couples and could determine who would divorce with great accuracy). It’s worth a read.

You now have a far bigger issue op. How is your husband?

Don’t contact him. He’s an addiction, you like the hit. He possibly had an addiction too or a selfish me, me attitude thinking he deserves a shag on side. But affairs are not real. It’s la la land.

Random321 · 13/04/2026 20:51

You want to text AP and ask why you meant full all?

Surely your DH wants to know why he meant fuck all?

Answers and explanations aren't always clear in any case.

You need to decide - stay in yiur marraige, work on it and banish all thouggts of AP or get out & leave your husband.

catipuss · 13/04/2026 20:58

The start of any relationship is intense and realising it really wasn't anything is painful. But logically it was never going anywhere and it was you that finished it by telling his wife. Be thankful your DH is willing to try again. Or leave if that isn't good enough.

Thewookiemustgo · 13/04/2026 21:43

If you learn about what most affairs are actually about and what they fulfil and if you accept the fantasy nature of it all, you wouldn’t need to ask him why you meant fuck all to him.
Within the fantasy you were important to him, but not as important as the fantasy itself, you could have been literally anyone who took his fancy and responded. His little holiday from real life was a timebomb ticking and he’d already accepted that if it got too risky or exploded, he’d give it up.
It’s really not even personal, OP. He never set out to hurt you, you both knew the score, it was never going to be anything but temporary. He didn’t deliberately hurt you.
The minute it threatened what he didn’t want to lose, and you had made that ten times worse in his eyes, by contacting his fiancée, that was always going to be that.
He had to choose, the temporary fantasy had to go, you told his fiancée as well, so if he still wants her you are absolutely getting ghosted.
His fiancée quite rightly, if she still wants him after what he’s done, is going to say that the bare minimum is you gone, gone for good and no contact whatsoever.
You had an affair, nobody got led on, the score was mutually known. Your addictive personality misses the high and your self esteem misses the attention and validation.
If there’s something missing from your marriage, your poor husband needs to know exactly what it is you want, how on earth can he help improve things if even you don’t know what you want?
You say you’ve tried telling him something is missing, he’s suggesting that maybe it’s just the day to day hard work of bringing up a family, then tell us he doesn’t understand. If all he’s got from you is ‘there’s something missing’ then the reply he gave you was his best shot at suggesting what the problem might be. That’s not misunderstanding you, that’s him trying to understand and making a suggestion.
What is missing OP? Identify it, spell it out to him and then see what he says. If he’s great in every other way he doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who would dismiss you.
Thing is OP, carping on about why your long gone cheating man doesn’t give a flying one about you, seems to mean far more to you than your husband and your marriage.
At present I wouldn’t say you really love your husband as much as you say you do.
Truly remorseful people are usually horrified at what they’ve done to their loved ones and care far more about that than the affair, they don’t even want to be reminded of it because of the guilt and shame.
They don’t continue mooning about how much they miss their affair partner and angst about how they will ever get over it on Mumsnet behind their spouse’s back.
You say you want to get past this, then use your post to carry on discussing it without listening to advice.
Maybe step away from this thread, it’s turning out to be an opportunity for you to feed your obsession. Then tell your husband the real truth about how you feel.
”I love him but ……” is no basis for a future until everything that comes after ‘but’ is thoroughly and truthfully discussed between both of you and acted on. You’re still using the ‘something missing’ to justify what you did and what you are doing now.
Own your choices and get honest with your husband. “I had an affair. It’s over now but I still don’t feel any different. We have a serious crisis in our marriage.”
I can pretty much guarantee that you’ve probably reassured him that all is well, that you love him and want him and are sorry for what you did and it will never happen again etc, and that has satisfied him that you regret it, that you love him and that he’s now your priority.
But that’s not entirely true, is it?
He’s still being gaslighted and deceived.

moderate · 13/04/2026 22:42

Thewookiemustgo · 13/04/2026 21:43

If you learn about what most affairs are actually about and what they fulfil and if you accept the fantasy nature of it all, you wouldn’t need to ask him why you meant fuck all to him.
Within the fantasy you were important to him, but not as important as the fantasy itself, you could have been literally anyone who took his fancy and responded. His little holiday from real life was a timebomb ticking and he’d already accepted that if it got too risky or exploded, he’d give it up.
It’s really not even personal, OP. He never set out to hurt you, you both knew the score, it was never going to be anything but temporary. He didn’t deliberately hurt you.
The minute it threatened what he didn’t want to lose, and you had made that ten times worse in his eyes, by contacting his fiancée, that was always going to be that.
He had to choose, the temporary fantasy had to go, you told his fiancée as well, so if he still wants her you are absolutely getting ghosted.
His fiancée quite rightly, if she still wants him after what he’s done, is going to say that the bare minimum is you gone, gone for good and no contact whatsoever.
You had an affair, nobody got led on, the score was mutually known. Your addictive personality misses the high and your self esteem misses the attention and validation.
If there’s something missing from your marriage, your poor husband needs to know exactly what it is you want, how on earth can he help improve things if even you don’t know what you want?
You say you’ve tried telling him something is missing, he’s suggesting that maybe it’s just the day to day hard work of bringing up a family, then tell us he doesn’t understand. If all he’s got from you is ‘there’s something missing’ then the reply he gave you was his best shot at suggesting what the problem might be. That’s not misunderstanding you, that’s him trying to understand and making a suggestion.
What is missing OP? Identify it, spell it out to him and then see what he says. If he’s great in every other way he doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who would dismiss you.
Thing is OP, carping on about why your long gone cheating man doesn’t give a flying one about you, seems to mean far more to you than your husband and your marriage.
At present I wouldn’t say you really love your husband as much as you say you do.
Truly remorseful people are usually horrified at what they’ve done to their loved ones and care far more about that than the affair, they don’t even want to be reminded of it because of the guilt and shame.
They don’t continue mooning about how much they miss their affair partner and angst about how they will ever get over it on Mumsnet behind their spouse’s back.
You say you want to get past this, then use your post to carry on discussing it without listening to advice.
Maybe step away from this thread, it’s turning out to be an opportunity for you to feed your obsession. Then tell your husband the real truth about how you feel.
”I love him but ……” is no basis for a future until everything that comes after ‘but’ is thoroughly and truthfully discussed between both of you and acted on. You’re still using the ‘something missing’ to justify what you did and what you are doing now.
Own your choices and get honest with your husband. “I had an affair. It’s over now but I still don’t feel any different. We have a serious crisis in our marriage.”
I can pretty much guarantee that you’ve probably reassured him that all is well, that you love him and want him and are sorry for what you did and it will never happen again etc, and that has satisfied him that you regret it, that you love him and that he’s now your priority.
But that’s not entirely true, is it?
He’s still being gaslighted and deceived.

As usual the Wookie speaks the truth. You’re effectively still having an emotional affair with the ghost of your former AP and you need to be truthful with your husband about this.

Highlighta · 14/04/2026 06:03

PinkyBrain290 · 13/04/2026 19:36

Agreed. DH does not deserve me. He's a really decent man, laid back, cooks, cleans, works hard. We've come really far considering we've been together since teenagers. I love DH, I want to be with him, but I do feel something is missing. I've tried telling him prior to this, he doesn't understand; Tells me life is stressful with children in the mix and working full time etc.

I do appreciate all of your replies. I feel a little better today. I am still getting a niggle to message AP and ask him why I meant fuck all though.

Still singing from the same songbook I see.

Are you this self absorbed in all aspects of your life?

Please tell your husband the truth. So that he has all the facts in order for him to make a proper decision for himself. As I can imagine how the conversation must have gone, if it was anything like your input to this thread.

MustardGlass · 14/04/2026 06:11

There is closure, he chose her not you. Bang closed. Just because you didn’t get the ending you wanted doesn’t mean you are entitled to it.

Gloriia · 14/04/2026 07:30

' I am still getting a niggle to message AP and ask him why I meant fuck all though.'

Because it was a fling and flings mean 'fuck all'.

Just draw a line and move on. Maybe separate and try online dating?

SpiderSolitaire · 14/04/2026 07:59

Practical advice:

  1. If you haven’t done so already, delete all messages that went between you. (Reading them over may be tempting but is destructive.)
  2. Delete his number and email address.
  3. Allow yourself ten or fifteen minutes per day to wallow, think about him, swim around in your feelings. Then when that time is up, go and do something else and do not give yourself permission to think about him any more that day. Put it off till the next day. Play with the children, make something, do a puzzle, clean the bath, and whatever it is, focus entirely on that. If your mind wanders, pull it back like a dog on a lead.
Highlighta · 14/04/2026 08:02

Gloriia · 14/04/2026 07:30

' I am still getting a niggle to message AP and ask him why I meant fuck all though.'

Because it was a fling and flings mean 'fuck all'.

Just draw a line and move on. Maybe separate and try online dating?

Online dating would be a very rude awakening to this OP 😂

But, a very good suggestion nonetheless, as her poor husband would be free from this solipsistic attitude.

DannyDeever · 14/04/2026 10:52

' I am still getting a niggle to message AP and ask him why I meant fuck all though.'

If he replies you'll go running to his wife to tell her you're back in contact so he can't reply even if he wants to.

He's never going to give you any more ammunition.

Jellybunny98 · 14/04/2026 12:38

DannyDeever · 14/04/2026 10:52

' I am still getting a niggle to message AP and ask him why I meant fuck all though.'

If he replies you'll go running to his wife to tell her you're back in contact so he can't reply even if he wants to.

He's never going to give you any more ammunition.

Edited

This but also OP, you were a married woman having an affair, why did you think you were special? You’re no prize yourself, that’s why you meant fuck all- it was sex.

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