Am I too sensitive about this situation with my DiL?

[Fallenfairy]

I’ve always read on here about difficult mother in laws and have really tried not to be one. I never interfere, I never visit without being invited( which is rare).
My DiL is a very reserved person. She’s an excellent mother and wife.
I have always had a cordial relationship with her.
As I’m retired I have looked after my grandchildren from being babies five days a week, whilst she holds down a very responsible and well paid job. Now they are all in full time school I take and collect them each day and cover school holidays.
I follow all my DiL’s directions about how the children should be looked after.
I feel like I try really hard to do everything as she would wish.
However I have noticed some things that make me question what she thinks about me and I wonder if I’m being too sensitive.
Sometimes I have to text her but she never replies to any text I send not even a thumbs up.
Also I have bought presents over the years, clothes maybe which I never see the children wearing. I realised early on that my taste may not be hers so since then I have always chosen the brands she favours.
Still never a thank you or any acknowledgment at all. I never see the clothes again.
My son will say thank you in person. I’ve always thought that maybe she thinks that’s enough.
Two things have happened recently my brother remarked to me how good my DiL is at sending photos of the children wearing the presents they have received from him and his wife.Then my grandson said to me out of know where that “mummy sells the presents you give to us”.
I know children can say silly things but I wonder if that’s why I never see the presents. These are just regular birthday, Christmas presents. I didn’t question him so as not to make a thing of it, but it troubled me.
This Easter I just gave eggs not clothes and still no thank you or even a photo. It would not bother me once upon a time but now I know
my brother has heard from them, as I’m staying with him this Easter and he had several photos of my grandchildren with the Easter things he had sent.
I suddenly feel quite sad. Is it normal for her never to reply to any text I send or to communicate with me in any way other than what time to pick up and drop off whilst standing on the door step. If I ask my son about arrangements etc he always says “ask the boss”. He is away from home for weeks at a time with his job.

I don’t want to make any sort of waves.

I wouldn’t discuss it with anyone in real life.
I should just say I have never expected to be paid for child care and would never accept any money. So it’s not as though she can view it as a commercial arrangement.
I really feel confused about the situation and wonder if I should just back off and have a bit of time to myself. If I did I’m afraid I might not have much contact with my grand children whom I love dearly again. Or am I being too super sensitive and hers is just normal behaviour of a busy woman and nothing to get so stressy about?

you are making too many excuses for the DIL, selling on gifts or regifting them is rude and thoughtless, if a relative buys things too small then tell them tactfully, so it doesn't happen again, or I had clothes I bought for my first child that due to a warm spring weren't used but I used them in pristine condition for my second child, a winter baby. As my mum was frail I also bought presents from her to the kids.

Equally some relatives bought rather old fashioned clothes, so the kids wore them on visits or I sent them pictures of them wearing them and they wore the trendy clothes I bought most of the time young kids really don't care, though they did have favourite clothes.

and how many women honestly would leave saying thank you to a man , especially one who is often away. I did all the running around for the boys paternal grandparents who I didn't particularly like, arranging visits, sending gifts, thank you cards etc.

I also think I would automatically give gifts to a childminder, even more so, if it were a close relative providing full time care and it is good modelling for the kids to see gratitude in action. I do not say the son is blameless btw, but that is no excuse I am afraid
BTW I was a single parent and apart from a handful of nights out, never overnight I had no social or personal life without the kids until my kids were much older. I wonder have you also thought that providing 9-5 child care 5 days a week means that granny has no social life except at weekends, when she might be knackered or doing household chores that even for people without kids need to do.

She sounds rude and ungrateful, I feel awful for you it sounds like you are being used for free childcare, a thankyou costs nothing to say you care for the children all week! And selling gifts you've given your grandchildren is unacceptable, she should tell you the truth about things so you can return them but she's making a profit from the gifts you bought instead, I'm surprised your son is accepting this as a normal way to treat you, I would never treat my MIL in such an awful way there has been times she has bought things that were not to the children's taste but I am direct and tell her the truth about why they aren't wearing them and she just asks them what they like and buys them that instead, I would never dream of selling things she'd bought them!