(TW SA) 2nd thread (support)…

[ByPinkPoet0]

First thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5497497-trigger-husband-sa-why-cant-i-tell-him-and-why-do-i-feel-guilty

Huge thank you to everyone who has supported me in this so far. If you’ve got this far I really appreciate it. I read all the advice even if it seems like I don’t take it on board straight away. It’s been a difficult time of realisation for me.

I am making another thread so I can continue to post.

This is such a helpful outlet for me I’m so grateful ❤️

Pink Poet did direct a question to me as she said on the last thread that her being with kids all of the time instead of being alone with her husband was safer. I did say I would answer but never did as I had a few of my own health issues to deal with.

i wish I had gone into her options ie supervised visits and contact centres ect. It would have hopefully been a comfort to know. Her thought pattern is common for abused women who don’t want to leave their kids with an abuser, feeling it safer to accept abuse as an adult than further expose the children.

I think PP, if the thread is too heavy to come back to right now, maybe dm someone on here you felt safe with on this thread as a few posters have really understood you and given you some insight. I hope you continue with your journey. Keep reaching out in any way you can to your go, women’s aid and do not hesitate to call the police if you are scared. Being scared is enough to call the police, please remember this x

Excuse me? I'm not victim blaming!! I just think people are overlooking / oversimplifying the fact that leaving is really hard practically and is probably a major factor in poet's reasoning. It probably feels impossible.

Why are people filling up the last page of this thread with pointless arguments rather than leaving it with capacity for if and when the OP comes back. Come on people! Think about the bigger picture rather than bickering, please.

Dear OP, I hope you are alright. I think probably not but I hope you are coping.

I was on your last thread and have followed this one.

I hope that you find the courage to speak with your mum. I think she will be able to help you.

As I’m sure many other posters are, I am
worried about you and your children. I hope you find the time to give us an update one day.

This is from the page “Myths” from the Women’s Aid website, and something I would never have known. It is very worrying to realise how murky the idea of consent in a relationship seems to be.

Of 18-25-year-olds surveyed, 65% of respondents (67% of women and 62% of men) agreed that ‘you should always have consent from your partner to have sex when you are in a relationship’, however, almost a quarter of young people (23% overall; 23% of women and 25% of men) disagreed or strongly disagreed with this statement (Women’s Aid, 2023).

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/myths/

This is worth reading if you are a parent by the way. Young people believe some wrong things.

I said a few pages back that practical help/ advice from someone who's been in a similar situation may be more helpful than analysing OPs feelings. If I could help I would, but I've no experience of this.

exactly and this is why specialist abuse therapists dont push women.
Because if you have been controlled, as I have repeated several times in this thread, you need gentle love and support, to make choices in your own time, not control from a different set of people, especially strangers.

I havent read all the updates yet, so dont know if PinkPoet has come back.

There is a really good chance that the hounding and blaming has driven her off, which to me is devastating. Not because it fills some kind of drama need in me to feel like Ive done a great job getting someone to leave - but because now there is a frightened woman out there in an unsafe situation, who has cut herself off from a place which had been a fantastic source of support and revelation to her.

I would suggest that if people dont realise how vulnerable these young women are, in the most horrible of threads, that they read and dont comment. You will not be able to berate someone into leaving when they have suffered years of believing that their abuser is their saviour. EVEN if there are kids involved. I am glad at least that her friend has seen the threads and that someone in real life knows

And PP, if you are reading, please know that there are a great many of us still here for you, who know how many steps backwards and forwards this takes, and that you have to be able to make these choices at your own pace.

This thread is at 958. I think we’ve all said enough now. PinkPoet has the info she needs. Let’s leave some space so she can return here if she wants to.

Hopefully after a rest and recuperation Poet will rejoin MN and have more kind and respectful answers and help, rather than the criticism given before.

Really hope you make a new thread and return to us OP. We want to support you x

I agree with you. I hope Pink Poet comes back and reads through some of the very thoughtful and very helpful posts there have been on this thread.

I am still here and re - reading all the helpful comments and advice. I just don’t feel like posting as some of the replies (although true) made me spiral and feel 100x worse.

I don’t blame some poster for not wanting to hear about my life anymore as they have lost patience with me and I don’t blame them.

Plus DD has become unwell , just a nasty cold but it’s really gone to her chest, so that takes priority and everything else has faded into the background right now.

Love ❤️

Morning Poet, that’s your opportunity, take your daughter to the GP with your handwritten note explaining what’s happening with you. Do it! It will get you into services and take some stress from trying to access it yourself x

I promise that we do want to hear about your life PinkPoet, we are all so worried about you. But what you said over the past week made it clearer to me why it feels so much harder for you to leave. You have never lived an independent life and you feel that all other men are more dangerous than your husband. One day you may see that this isn’t the case, but you have come so far and well done for coming back here x

Glad you’re still here Poet and hope your DD feels better soon ❤️

Bless you, don’t worry, I know everything feels really heavy at the moment but know there are lots of women who care about you and your wellbeing and understand your position ( some because they have been through it and others who understand through other means).

We are here to listen. Even if you want to talk about other stuff that’s ok too. I know when my DD’s used to get ill when young it was so tough, be kind to yourself xx

so glad to hear from you poet, I hope you are okay.

please make a new thread and link it here before the comments are maxed out, only if you want to that is.

hope your little one recovers fast x

I’m so glad you’re still reading the thread, @ByPinkPoet0. Hope your little one makes a speedy recovery. ❤️

@PinkPoetAgaiin I'm so pleased and relieved to hear from you, We've all been really worried. Please don't feel you have to leave this thread or censor yourself, there's enough of that going on in your real life, without you having to twist yourself into all sorts to please us. You are enough as you are and we are all still listening. 💐

Thank you ❤️ I may start a new thread in a bit but I get anxious no one will want to hear me whining anymore

you’ve all been such a support to me

Shes doing well now but we were in hospital last night as needed steroids. Times like this DH really steps up and sorts all the others out without me having to tell him what to do. One redeeming feature … and no one jump down my throat for being an abuser supporter please!!!

I hope your daughter feels better soon xx

I do think this is the key issue. OP has never lived a ‘normal’ adult life and this is all she knows.

She’s gone from being a student who went through a horrible ordeal to being a wife and mother in the blink of an eye with no chance to breathe inbetween,
Shes been groomed and gaslit to belief this is how everyone lives when they’re married and is now starting to realise that’s not the case

Please don’t feel like you’re whining. Those who lose interest or get frustrated will show themselves out. You have a big community here who wants to help and support you and give you a space to reflect. Hope she’s okay x

Exactly this. And you are not whining! You are exploring your experiences, thoughts and feelings. I feel better hearing from you than not to be honest x

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5518110-tw-sa-continuing-support-sharing-things