We all know that one person that always orders the most expensive thing when someone else is paying, but… extreme content 😂

[AliceR1]

What is it with men and being totally reckless with money? Guy and I, known each for about 5 years, went exclusive about six months ago. It’s his birthday next week so I said I’d take him out for a birthday meal out. He picked the place so I knew it wasn’t going to be budget but what I wasn’t planning on was him ordering a £100 bottle of wine followed by more by the glass. I wasn’t drinking as I drove there and back. He knows I’m not in the poor category but that’s essentially down to extreme budgeting, which he’s well aware of. It was a nice mea out, totally ruined by me still internally stewing over the fact that I picked up a tab the equivalent of a monthly food budget for me and two kids and totally put me off sticking around him for a moment longer. We do get on but this really narked me.

He’s 100% done that to take the piss. I think it’s a subtle way of him showing what he thinks of you too, beyond the fact it’s cheeky AF.

Dump his sorry arse. If its not reciprocated. Hes just a piss taker.

@AliceR1 well he’s never going to see anything wrong with his actions if it’s not pointed out.

the way I see it is that this relationship is now pretty much dead in the water so you have nothing to lose (and potentially some funds to regain) by pulling him up on his extravagance at your expense.

”bloke, i didn’t bring this up at the time because it wasn’t appropriate to raise this in front of the waitress, but I offered to take you out for a birthday dinner expecting to pay for a couple of courses and a glass or 2 of wine. What I didn’t expect or see coming was that you’d order the most expensive bottle of wine without talking to be about it/offering to cover it, as it’s SO much more than we’d normally have if you’re taking ME out. That money spent on dinner which included a £100 bottle plus glasses on top is more than I’d spend on groceries for me and my kids for a month*, and it’s meant that the plans I had for the kids for Easter are in tatters. I think it was wholly unreasonable for you to blow all of my money in this way, you should have checked with me on this and the pointing at it on the menu kind of indicates to me that you knew what you were doing. Therefore I think you need to cover the booze part of the bill.“

Don’t let him off the hook, get your money back for the booze ideally and then dump the MF.

*or whatever proportion it represents

You really need to stop thinking about the etiquette you employ and match his.

Be very clear with him how wildly out of order he's been and let him know what you and your kids have sacrificed so he can be a sad lonely drunk.

Then block and ensure you learn to never tolerate a user again.

I'm a people pleaser who would have likely not wanted to confront him in the moment too but find your rage and act on it OP.

You need to develop some assertiveness before getting back into the dating game. I’d have checked the bill and then asked him to at least go halves on the wine. It’s sad that your kids are missing out due to this dickhead.

Why on earth did he need extra glasses if there was a bottle, which he drank the whole of on the table? I think I would have had to ask that without knowing the price of the bottle. I'm guessing he was fit for nothing after that!

I'd be incredibly upset by this OP. He basically used you and made a fool of you. He knows you aren't super wealthy and you've got kids. He was laughing at you. I'd never went to see him again ever.

His financial situation has always been a bit volatile, something that scares me a lot… he’s made it quite clear some years ago that he’d like a relationship but his finance management, pockets of unemployment was enough of a factor for me to be quite decisive because I’m not prepared to bear a financial burden of another adult. Then he seems to have sorted himself out, but that now too is looking quite short-lived. I need to accept basically that this is the end of the road, what happened yesterday just annoyed me too much. Awkward as we have mutual friends…. Still, better than a relationship in a work place ⚠️

You’re good - and it really isn’t unreasonable!!!!

That's absolutely terrible. It actually shows a total lack of respect for you. It's almost like he's laughing at you.

I don't think I'd be able to carry on with someone like that

Well, of course he wanted a relationship with you, you're financial stability for him. He sounds like a wannabe cocklodger. Shame for him that he showed his hand too soon.

Are you going to tell him why you're ending it? He'll likely lay on profuse apologies and guilt trips and love bombing...

Ugh yes my ex used to be like this - he’d always choose the most expensive thing on the menu if I was paying, then act as if I was being controlling if I suggested he might need to contribute!

He's got a nasty streak OP. I would end it now and not speak to him again.

I was with someone like this for quite a while. There is no point trying to explain what he did wrong. He either won't get it or will pretend not to.

Just quietly get your coat, as it were.

Shit thing to happen, sorry OP. But you have the sense to see it for what it is, instead of being sweet-talked into putting up with this sort of thing for years!

Think of all the money you'll save by not pandering to this arsehole 😜

I don’t know any man or woman who wouldn’t have seen the bill and instantly offered to pay half of it came to more than what they expected.

He sounds greedy and selfish and there aren’t many worse traits to have.

Bin him off and know you won’t have to do this again (unless your birthday is coming up so then I’d wait until after that).

I’d dump him. He took full advantage of your generosity.

Just dump and move on, tbh I wouldn't have even bothered asking on here, the answer to me is glaringly obvious, but, obviously everyone does things differently.
But I certainly wouldn't do the tit for tat nonsense either because that comes across a childish and you could be that much furthur down the road and wasting your time and life for that matter.

I would tell him off and then dump him.

He must have been paralytic! I’d have been wasted on a bottle PLUS glasses!

it’s the greed that grates most tbh.

I agree get wine money then dump. What a cheeky fucker!

Let me guess, when you had a place of your own and he didn't?

Don't worry about the long statements 'You're a fucking piss taking wanker ordering all that wine. Pay me back now or fuck off' will suffice. He won't pay it back, even if he claims he will just as soon as he gets paid/ a mate's going to sort him out with some work /Nelson gets his eye back, but it'll make it clearer when he starts moaning to people that you dumped him because you're shagging some other bloke on the side or having an online affair - and don't hide the reason from your friends.

You’re absolutely not being unreasonable to ask for him to cover HIS expensive choices.

think about it, if a friend were taking you out and you saw your favourite bottle on the menu, you’d choose it and say it was your treat. You certainly wouldn’t just order it knowing it was so much more than was usually ordered.

@AliceR1 as I said, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain recouping some of the costs. If he doesn’t pay up immediately and be falling over himself apologising then you have absolutely every reason to give him the biggest flea in his ear AND dump him.

he’s toast already and you know this, he’s destroyed your trust, so press the Detonate button.

sorry, duplicate post

Thanks All for backing me up on this. He knows I stick to tight budget, buy everything cheap or second hand, rock the car boot sales like it’s life philosophy, take kids’ previous night’s dinner leftovers to work as lunch, shop at Farm foods, don’t drink, yes splurge on my kids but they’re the grateful sort for what they get… but I don’t spend money on myself. My relationship with disposable income has always been a subject many jokes but I’m not ashamed of it. He also knows that my kid didn’t go on a residential because it’s £300 and I said that for the money, the kids and I could do something nice together (or blow it on a night of cuisine nouvelle, wine for one person and tap water for the other). None of this is a secret or something he’s oblivious to. He knows that one of my kid’s double bed was free from FB market place, my tumble dryer is a £5 job from FB marketplace, I buy second hand tools to do jobs I don’t want to pay trades men for. We’ve known each other long enough for him to know that this is how I roll. It literally makes me feel like a prize idiot, and realise exactly his position in this ‘loose’ ‘relationship’. My bad trying to do something nice for someone else.

But why did you let him? Presumably you didn’t say he could have had anything from the menu? Why didn’t you order the wine or tell him no when ho ordered it. I would have had a budget and told him what it was.