We all know that one person that always orders the most expensive thing when someone else is paying, but… extreme content 😂

[AliceR1]

What is it with men and being totally reckless with money? Guy and I, known each for about 5 years, went exclusive about six months ago. It’s his birthday next week so I said I’d take him out for a birthday meal out. He picked the place so I knew it wasn’t going to be budget but what I wasn’t planning on was him ordering a £100 bottle of wine followed by more by the glass. I wasn’t drinking as I drove there and back. He knows I’m not in the poor category but that’s essentially down to extreme budgeting, which he’s well aware of. It was a nice mea out, totally ruined by me still internally stewing over the fact that I picked up a tab the equivalent of a monthly food budget for me and two kids and totally put me off sticking around him for a moment longer. We do get on but this really narked me.

You did a really nice thing - don’t listen to the people blaming you, of course it would have been awful to quibble with the waitress standing there.
personally, I could not look at him the same after this. Not sure if it’s even worth waiting for your birthday to recoup your losses.

Well you're hardly both mad about each other if it's taken you this long to become 'exclusive'. Whatever that means. Does that mean you're allowed to sleep with lots of people for a while and once you decide you're not going to find someone to fall in love with, you plump for the best of a bad bunch?

That voucher will not be worth the wait

Not till June, don’t have the energy to be dragging this out till then sadly!

I think youd have to be a fundamentally nasty person to do that. Horrible man. Please get rid OP.

Why are you pleased? She is right though - we need to be more assertive in the moment as women - we have been socialised to not make a fuss, shut up and put up, be polite etc - gets us abused.

There is absolutely no way he would have done this to another male and if he did the other male would have sucked it up.

I’m sorry but it’s really out of order not letting your kid on the school trip and then actually paying this for some bloke. You say no to your kid, you say no to him whatever the “etiquette”!!

The trouble with blokes like this is that you don't realise what arseholes they are until they make it vividly clear. You sort of give them credit for being human, instead of semi-reptilian with endless rows of teeth and an insatiable appetite.

Hope you haven’t got the energy to be dragging this out until teatime.

What happened afterwards - did the dirty, penniless, bitter, contemptuous, cheeky fucker drunk just stagger home?

It wouldn’t be an argument. It would be “I am paying for the food and 2 glasses of wine” to the waitress, pay it and then he has to pay the rest. Once I paid my bit, I’d have then got up and left by myself 😅

We’re both lone widowed parents of young child/ren. That’s how we met in the first place. I’ve completely discarded the prospect of a relationship initially as the drinking, lifestyle, inability to hold down a job are completely misaligned with what I believe in. I’ve agreed on exclusivity when he got a job in the summer, in which he lasted three months. I’m the sort who busts their arse to give the kids a decent start, despite the bad luck they’ve had. He’s just floating in the vacuum somewhere kicking a can down the road just vaguely picturing how to make it from one UC payday to the next. When he finally got a job last year, I thought he was out of the worst - maybe not!

I do agree to bin this one off OP! He’s really horrible and selfish to do that knowing you scrimp on other things and have Easter hols coming up.

Nope, stayed at mine… my bad!!!

He isn’t a decent human being then is he? I don’t know any man (thank God) who would take the piss with a woman like this, not in the least a single mother trying her best to support her children. He’s honestly grim and you should sack him off. I’d also be inclined to ask for the wine money back to be honest, you didn’t even have a glass!

Why??? How could you let him in your home after that? I’d have let him stagger home by himself.

Because I’m a mug, that’s why. Didn’t want to cause a scene, where I actually should have done.

No, he’s taken advantage and broken your trust here. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t question the gifter if it were okay to buy x, or ask a budget. He is self centred and at least he’s shown you this now

Years ago an area manager came up to see us for a couple of days. She didn't know our city and asked us to book a restaurant.

We decided to push our luck and suggested a Japanese restaurant. Not somewhere we'd normally be able to afford. We couldn't believe our luck when she said yes. The bill was into the hundreds.

I had no guilt about rinsing her expense account. It was free for her as well but I'd never pull a trick like that with a friend/partner.

This is awful. Nobody would expect that kind of selfish behaviour from a decent person.

There's no way he didn't know how unacceptable that was. He knows OP's budget range. In fact, given that he's sometimes teased OP about her discretionary spending habits, this looks like a deliberate Fuck You from him. It's not just carelessness and selfishness. He's seeing what he can force her to put up with.

I promise you, if you'd caused a scene you would have just caused a scene. It wouldn't have changed anything on his part. 💐

Ahh I’m sorry Op. no need to create a scene though, if it ever happened again you just pay your bit quietly and leave. Block and get yourself home.

I really hope you never give him the opportunity again though! You sound in such different life places and you sound like an. awesome mum.

Well, at least you don't need to waste any more time on him. What a twat.

Reminds me of the time I invited a small group of friends out for dinner. As I was doing the inviting, I said I'd pay for the wine. One of the group ordered a total of one bottle of wine per person for the table, and then - being drunk - started a row with one of the others, which effectively ruined the evening for everyone else, wrecked one of my friendships in the group and ensured that the person she had the row with hated her from then onwards.

It was not a relaxing experience.

Life lessons! Most on here would have done what you did. you were in shock for a start! But now you know it’s time to kick him to the kerb. Good luck x

No, but you can tell them what you think of their actions.

There's a woman in our wider friend circle (wife of one of DH friends) who will always order the most elaborate and expensive cocktail possible while contributing the same amount as everyone else to the kitty/rounds even though her drinks cost 3x as much.
Rips my knitting.
I wouldn't want to date a guy who deliberately exploits your generosity like this tbh OP.