We all know that one person that always orders the most expensive thing when someone else is paying, but… extreme content 😂

[AliceR1]

What is it with men and being totally reckless with money? Guy and I, known each for about 5 years, went exclusive about six months ago. It’s his birthday next week so I said I’d take him out for a birthday meal out. He picked the place so I knew it wasn’t going to be budget but what I wasn’t planning on was him ordering a £100 bottle of wine followed by more by the glass. I wasn’t drinking as I drove there and back. He knows I’m not in the poor category but that’s essentially down to extreme budgeting, which he’s well aware of. It was a nice mea out, totally ruined by me still internally stewing over the fact that I picked up a tab the equivalent of a monthly food budget for me and two kids and totally put me off sticking around him for a moment longer. We do get on but this really narked me.

No idea. I think every failed relationship you dissect, you think why, and why didn’t I sooner. Another friend and I (that group of 3 obviously collapsed) was were worried sick when he went on that bender where he got nicked - we arranged to meet that morning, he’s nowhere to be seen, phone unreachable… 12 hours later…

Him: I'm so, so sorry about this morning. Have had the worst 24 hours which includes losing phone and getting arrested. I'll tell you more later but I can't WhatsApp at the moment. Sorry. Back home now - but basically had an altercation when someone said something I took offence to about ‘XYZ’. They were off duty police officers...... feel terrible all round and very disappointed with myself.

Me: I thought you were fucking dead!!!
I worry. All the time, when people go off the radar. I called the old boy in the RLNI shop to ask if you've been around today but he's like clueless... where are you now? Where's XYZ - ‘as in his 7yo son’? You really scared me. I need simple life. You ok? What actually happened? we've got to tidy your life up a bit. I know it's not easy, nothing is, but we need to tidy up the chaos. I care for you, I really do

When I read it back now, he’s still the irresponsible, reckless knob I initially said no to, when we first met.

And trust me, I’m not the pushover I once was… bad, right? I mean at some point in the future a point will come where he needs somewhere to live. The house he and his son live is his son’s (only 8) but in a trust so a point will come, do I want to live with my Dad forever, lol.

Stop thinking about him and trying to figure him out.
You need to focus on yourself and your issues.

Why would you have that total loser near your life?
That's the question you need to answer.

Would have thought the worst 24 hours would have been when his kid was left without a mother, not him getting himself into shit, tbh.

Anyhow, he'll find somebody else to pick up the tab from now on. Father of a Motherless Child is a really effective way to pick up Rescuers. Just means that you know it's not your problem anymore - although being pissed in charge of a kid might be something the school would actually keep an eye on him for.

So, he must have worked for a decent while at some point (if he has a private pension))....??

Don’t laugh - financial advisor… when we first met while he was skint on UC, always dressed it up as ‘every plumber has a leaky tap’ - or how about a burst main!

Oddly enough had a message today on work group chat "If someone calls trying to book a wake on X date, refuse and say we are full. They take cocaine and trash the place".

Nice way to honour the dead.....

Eeek!

As someone who hates drugs (and none of my family or friends do it either so I know it wouldn’t be their wish for that to happen at their wake) I’d go mad if I saw someone taking coke at a loved one’s funeral.

Omg....you couldn't make it up!! 😂 That's unbelievable!!!!

With the update it seems you need to do some work on your ‘shark cage’ before dating again.

Having worked in the pub industry for donkeys years, sadly nothing surprises me anymore. Some people truly are scum.

I see no point in just patting someone on the back with "There, there," when it's an experience adult who should know better.

It doesn't hurt you to be supportive (or say nothing), especially not when it's somebody who has been on the receiving end of an arsehole's manipulative behaviour, same way it doesn't help to say 'you should have known better' to a child who falls off their bike and breaks their wrist when they're upset that it hurts. At least the fundamental laws of physics don't disguise themselves in order to fuck people over.

You're right that it doesn't hurt ME to be mindlessly supportive, but a case could be make that you're hurting the complainer by allowing her to believe that she's in the right and should keep on with the counter-productive behavior.

It's not mindless to decide to not add further criticism to somebody who already knows they've been taken advantage of. It's certainly not improving the situation for them to add to their distress by making it clear that you think they're an idiot compared to you and dressing it up as 'oh, truth hurts, got to be cruel to be kind, you'll thank me for it one day' and other such trite excuses for unnecessary and unhelpful comments.

Well, to me, it's part of the problem when people believe it's more important to pander to the immediate distress than to push for a better solution.

I don't agree. I think both are important. It's not 'pandering' - it's acknowledging that that person is distressed and (as a basic human right) that person has a right to have their feelings acknowledged and not further criticized....and only then is it appopriate to discuss a better solution.

I didn't say anything forbidding acknowledging a person's distress.

Why are people still arguing when the op is gone and has blocked him

Why would anyone order themselves a £100 bottle of wine and drink the lot and order more? How mean and selfish. Just horrible. I have drunk expensive wine but its always a sharing thing, something you enjoy together. He just isnt a very nice man