We all know that one person that always orders the most expensive thing when someone else is paying, but… extreme content 😂

[AliceR1]

What is it with men and being totally reckless with money? Guy and I, known each for about 5 years, went exclusive about six months ago. It’s his birthday next week so I said I’d take him out for a birthday meal out. He picked the place so I knew it wasn’t going to be budget but what I wasn’t planning on was him ordering a £100 bottle of wine followed by more by the glass. I wasn’t drinking as I drove there and back. He knows I’m not in the poor category but that’s essentially down to extreme budgeting, which he’s well aware of. It was a nice mea out, totally ruined by me still internally stewing over the fact that I picked up a tab the equivalent of a monthly food budget for me and two kids and totally put me off sticking around him for a moment longer. We do get on but this really narked me.

And he drinks two bottles of wine a night ! How can he afford that and raise a child?

" expected because that’s what I do, bail people out irrespective of any inconvenience I may need to absorb."

That's a real problem and one you may need some therapy for going forward.

rtft - wow. He’s an arse !! No one does that to someone they are supposed to love /care for

so been together 7yrs an in all that time
he had a job for 3mths and rest of time bumming about

amazed uc don’t make him get a job

sorry for the lack of money/ refused to pay you back

hope you took down restaurants review and not their fault - the wine list states the price

but was a funny read

Bloody hell. He sounds like a real catch.

But you know what he's like, right?
So you should have said, "I'd love to take you out to a birthday dinner. Here's a list of three places, take your pick. And I'm paying for the food, not the alcohol."

Oh so its the OP's fault? Right!!

Way to victim blame there.

Start thinking about where you want to go for your birthday and make sure you won’t be driving. So he drank a whole bottle and had extra glasses? That’s a lot of wine. I know that’s not the issue but still…

RTFT!

I must be reading a different thread to other people, your child missed out on residential so you could take this loser out for a meal. This really hit a nerve for me op, my mum was like this constantly cried poverty and I missed out on residentials and wore crap second hand clothes whilst she waltzed off on holiday with her boyfriend. Going on school trips cannot be replaced by doing something with your family!

I think you should get you monies worth and pretend its your birthday next month (unless he already knows when it is) Have dinner on him and then dump him if he freaks out about you ordering expensive wine. If he's willing to match what you paid, then have a rethink. Maybe birthdays are a big thing and he splashes out on them - guess you'll have to see

Considering she's dumped him and they are blocked on the socials, I'm not sure he'll believe that it's her birthday next month

That would give me the ick if someone did that how rude.

He would have lined you up you as his unpaid carer too given half a chance.

Yikes I must’ve missed that - he’s the sole carer of a child and drinking bottles of wine nightly?!

Yep that’s a very expensive and terribly unhealthy habit paid for by UC I guess!

Woo-hoo sponging lard knob is all upset his fat lazy arse won’t be wined and dined at your expense anymore.

Time to have some free fun over Easter with your kids, he can circle his alcoholic free loading drain alone

Look forward @AliceR1

What would make you feel much better? (Forget about the restaurant bill think of it as an investment that £100 bottle of wine will save you thousands by Christmas)

So where can you go? What can you do with the kids that is just good quality time together with small treats?

Even just walking a neighbours dog?

Have a toy clear out and give to charity for the feel good factor?

Depends on ages.

Poker session or other favourite games, with “cheap” party food? (Heat up yourself) or let them choose and cook?

Look he’s blocked you because he knows he pushed his gravy train over the cliff edge. You are so much better off (in so many ways) not having to accommodate him at all now.

Enjoy the freedom.

Yes, this really stood out for me too.

Don’t hold your breath. Only the good die young, they say. My ex, bmi 42, is still on the go in his 70s , being a manipulative creep to a veritable harem. I’m still kicking myself for getting drawn in by lies and guilt tripping.

From his point of view,hes done nothing wrong

You offered to take him out and pay for his meal

In his head,that extends to booze too so he went mental on someone else's tab as thats what its there for and its a treat for his birthday

I had something similar with my sd

My late fil was one of those tight but generous men

I've never met anyone so tight fisted over certain things (like refusing to buy my mil a decent car,he'd buy old bangers and they'd be in the scrapyard 6 months later,buy another banger...) but his one pleasure in life was taking his family out for a decent meal

Wed all met up-fil mil,dp,sd and myself and we went to a posh restaurant of his choice

My rule in life is 'if I cant afford to pay for something myself,I dont buy it on someone else's tab'

We all ordered what we wanted and sd went mental-ordering sides,booze and the most expensive dish on the menu

Dp and I told her to slow it down as she wasnt paying (and couldn't afford to if her grandad told her she was paying for her own)

Her answer?
'Im on a freebie and ill order what I want'

She refused to accept that nothing is a freebie-someone,somewhere is paying even if you dont

I did notice the look her grandad gave her when she ordered two puddings (as she didnt like the first) and another look at how much food shed ordered but didnt touch and she was never invited out with them again-he didnt say anything as he loved his gd,but was pissed off at the lack of manners

The bill was about 3 times what it should have been

Im her head,she'd done nothing wrong,she'd ordered (and wasted) what she wanted as she wasnt paying and nothing will make her see she did was wrong

This loser is the same-he'll find someone else to sponge from

Sucks, that.

Before you bin him, I'd have to ask why he did such a shit thing to you. Is he laughing at you for being thrifty and budgeting your money? Why did you let him choose to go to such an expensive place if you knew it was going to cost loads? I'd need to have a conversation.

What an attitude your SD has!

Has nobody ever pointed out to her that as a direct response to her massively
gluttonous bill, she has never and will never be invited out by them again and that they now think she’s incredibly selfish?

I did but was told to 'shut up' and that I was wrong

Funny enough,6 years on,she has no friends and a reputation for being a sponger

Shes the only one that cant understand why!

We have mutually blocked each other on all platforms… me him on WhatsApp, he blocked me on Facebook… ultimately you cannot argue with someone who sees nothing wrong with their actions. Nothing wrong with not working and living off handouts - he worked for 3 months in seven years. His kid is at school, absolutely no excuse but he refuses to do jobs he doesn’t fancy. I’ve given the green light after 5 or so years when he got a job, because I thought he’s out of the woods… laid off on probation review. It’s basically array of red flags… complete finance mismanagement… when he’s not skint, he goes wild. He banked some of his private pension last year and after sponging off of anyone who’d let him, suddenly there was money for couple of holidays in two months (him and his kid, paid for full board but ended up going out to dinners elsewhere as he didn’t fancy what they had - I’d literally never do that - just couldn’t. Reckless with possessions… drowned his phone on one of the holidays, bam brand new one before they came home. £300 kiddy bike - my kids learnt on £20 from car boot sales. We were never compatible. The alcohol. The can’t get out of bed in the mornings. The anger issues, he’d literally tear people’s heads off - something I find quite obnoxious. Last year got arrested because whoever he picked fight with on a bender was, of all the people, a copper so ended up in a cell overnight. When you dissect it like this, there’s so much incompatibility. I’m not saying he’s all evil, I mean he volunteers for food bank, ran for a charity, it’s not all evil but there’s definitely some bat shit crazy bipolar streak for sure!

The more you post about him the more incredulous I am that you
A) decided to date him in the first place job or no job.
b) continued to date him for so long.

What was he bringing to your life that stopped you calling it a day?!

Op, why would you allow anyone like that within a 100 metres of your children or home?

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk do it.
Your boundaries are dangerously weak.