Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I have a no messing about date on Wednesday. I think.

Matched with a guy tonight, not a huge amount of chat but said he wanted to take me for a drink. So Wednesday it is.

I'll call him Mr Freelancer and await my ghosting 🤣

@Kaltenzahn you can avoid seeing the same old dross by blocking.

I hear you on "they don't want us leaving the apps" though.

I've deleted Tinder, it was annoying me.

I'm not on any of the apps at the moment, they all annoy me!

@Kaltenzahn Thats really interesting and you may be right, it seems the duds circulate far more than the normal profiles. I just encountered another Non Question asking dud,on Hinge this morning.

@Nosdacariad- did you block Mr Bishop in the end? I may have missed that you did.

@rubberduck68- hope all is ok with Mr Sourdough.

Had date 2 with Mr Tree - he’s still lovely but I’m not sure where I’m at now ha - I’ll come back and update/ask advice about it if I sort it in my head soonish lol.

I think the no messing about dates are the best tbh - gets it going or over with without endless messaging, though I’m then myself feeling a bit rushed - no pleasing me! Hopefully, you’ll get to have a fun evening at the least - fingers crossed 🤞

Interesting on Mr 🌳

I did block Mr Bishop. 48 hours of 🦗🦗after cancelling and not rescheduling. If he wants to get in touch we have a mutual friend who I see every week.

I wonder if we'll eventually get to the point of stamping a foot, slapping the table and saying

"Where's my 👻dammit"

I agree there are plenty of people on dating sites who seem to be there for the swiping and ego boost but not to actually connect and communicate.

The algorithms will want to keep those who pay on the site, which I never do so maybe that affects the quality of matches. I do see the same ones circulating. Showed my matches to a friend on Friday and she knew all of them, they’d been there for years. Obvs not Mr T as he’d deleted his profile by then.

I’m still processing the events of the weekend with Mr T. Some great, some that I really feel are red flags but I don’t yet know if it’s because I’ve been single a while and he’s extremely enthusiastic and keen.
What I have decided is that I’m not ok with him going through my bedside table then commenting on the books I’m reading (they weren’t visible, they’re on a shelf underneath), then showing up at my house unexpectedly a few hours afterwards when we arranged to meet midweek. There’s more but I’m still trying to get my head round it!

Tell all? If you feel able.

The randomly showing up is uncool this early.

The going through stuff - I'm always surprised by people who do that, seems rude to me, but a lot do.

Whoah . Took me a few years to go through my exes stuff and that’s because I had good reason . That’s so rude. Also randomly turning up is really off. Wouldn’t even expect my own family to just rock up.

@Brightbluesomething - absolutely he would be out if it were me. Complete overstep in both scenarios and huge red flags for control imo

@Brightbluesomething it's clear your instincts are working well 😁

Oh my jeeeezus 😱
Run

Thanks everyone. Sorry this is long! We did have fun at a festival, and stayed at my house on Saturday night. The main concerns during that time were introducing me to his 18 year old which he wasn’t prepared for (I told him he’s not meeting my DC’s) and getting handsy in a pub later but I dealt with that. He was very affectionate but it came across as quite sweet and I was able to set boundaries which he listened to. Then it changed.

He woke up before me and went downstairs, not sure why or what he was doing. I think he was having a good look around which seemed to be a bit intrusive. But I woke up and realised he wasn’t there and he came up immediately so I made breakfast and we went for a walk.
When we’d walked up a huge hill I stopped to catch my breath literally panting and he whipped out his phone and took a picture of me looking like I was dying. He’s since sent it to me. I don’t know why.
He then went out with his son. I didn’t expect to see him until Thursday. He rung me after an hour to ask if he should come back over and watch tv together and stay over. I said no as I had things to do and I needed sleep so he wasn’t staying over. He then floated the idea of watching a film together later that night. We’d spent 24 hours solidly in each others company so I repeated I had things to do. He messaged me throughout the afternoon asking what I was doing. I didn’t respond immediately but then replied to say I had just started cooking dinner. 10 mins later he phoned me and I realised his car was parked on my drive and he was knocking at my front door!
I did let him in but told him I said I had things to do and was cooking. He then sat down while I cooked (he’d eaten) making small talk about my house and commenting that I had some done of the things I said I was (gardening) which was strange, as if he didn’t believe me. It was all incredibly uncomfortable. I ate dinner while he sat next to me as I wasn’t going to let it go cold then said I was really tired and not up to socialising so he left shortly after. I had to pretty much insist.

We’ve seen each other 4 times! I’ve never known anyone I’m dating just turn up at my house so it’s a bit of a shock. He’s in full on love bombing mode now as well. I can see why he had the exclusivity talk. I feel like a possession.

Omg.
Run
Run for the hills
This is too much after 4 months let alone 4 dates 😱

I am a veey cautious person but he knows where you live after 4 dates......I wouldnt be divulging my address to anyone for a very long time.

I am more protective yes, because this is my childrens home. But please please ne careful 🤗

@Brightbluesomething I think he's not right x

@OneShyQuail Youre right, of course. I declined a lift home on a previous date as it was walking distance for me. He hadn’t shown red flags and anyone I’ve had 4 dates with has always turned into a LTR but I should have been more cautious. He’s a DBS checked Teacher and I googled him to confirm that prior to date 2. Thought it was low risk. I was wrong.

Yeah no judgement here chick, I get that you had made a judgement etc, we all do this.

Quite worrying he is a teacher to be honest although that may be unfair, he could just be quirky and wierd not dangerous.

What are you going to do? Message him to end it?

I hope he doesn't turn up!

I’m still considering next steps. I don’t feel he’s dangerous when things are going well. But it’s too much and being this full on so early is far too presumptuous. It’s made me uncomfortable and that should be enough to end it. Finding the right way to do that in case he isn’t quite so harmless is a different matter.

@Brightbluesomething he sounds like a complete nutter.

Go with your gut! It’s not a good sign to be feeling uncomfortable this early on.

Experience in the 90s tells me being a teacher doesn't stop him being abusive, I'm not saying he is but the way he has been reminds me of Mr X at the start - lock down the relationship quickly then behave like you're now his property.

Brightbluesomething What an update! The part where you said that he was on your drive made me go cold.

I agree that he might not be dangerous, he may just be utterly clueless but it's not a good start is it. To me, it says that he thinks he doesn't have to listen to your boundaries & can stamp all over them (eg just turn up) if he feels like it.