Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Today I have matched with a Covid denier. A new low.

Does anyone remember when people you met in OLD used to actually be normal, could converse and meet you for dates? Circa 2021.

Yeah but everyone had just split up from long marriages as they found out they hated each other in lockdown. So they all wanted casual with as many people as possible. They could chat but no one wanted to commit.

My friends who did OLD before COVID said it was completely different and a million times better.

I dated pre covid but it was mostly on POF where you’d get 90 sleazy unsolicited messages a day and the admin time needed was ridiculous to sort through and find anyone normal. I was in my 30’s so I got bombarded. I did meet and have more short and LTR from that though. Including the last one I was back and forth with for far too many years and eventually left just over a year ago. I think he was the only one I ever sent a first message to. The rest inundated you so it was a choice as to who to respond to.
There seemed to be more men but you didn’t swipe so they were all available to see at once. That part was better. But it was a horror show so I’m not doing that again.

I keep getting ghosted. I send the last message and they just don’t reply. 😬

@Brightbluesomething- wow, run and run far from Mr T - definitely a controlling twunt - checking if you’ve done what you said, let alone turning up, which is so creepy. The advantage you have here is that his job could be at risk if he didn’t take ‘go away now’ for an answer. I hope it goes ok but keep posting here if it doesn’t as you could get helpful advice.

I’m probably lax re personal safety generally as I have a belief you know if there’s something off - this is obviously not actually true. I also live alone so not risking others. But sometimes it’s just like normal not to hide where you live - I was walked home last first date, out of politeness/my safety really, which is like a normal thing I think, so it’s sad we need to be more aware - I happen to live close to my city centre so it shouldn’t be odd to do or turn down at all.

I’ve said before I used OLD early/mid 00s - funny dating stories sure but generally pretty much like dating in the wild - mid 10s next time and a bit more painful and bit more strange folk - now mid 20s and oh dear!

I missed the Covid OLD - so hadn’t realised there was a change there. But I think the rise of the far right equally perhaps happened, and maybe the toxic masculinity - and maybe there’s something about folk getting to find their ‘tribes’ online, where their slightly offbeat behaviour becomes ok and the norm - also realising they have the chance to sorta hide in plain sight and be awful - and this has also fallen/spread into OLD alongside. Just pondering - probably way off!

Most importantly you take care Bright Blue.

There’s a few around - I particularly like it when they deny my personal experience of having to visit a Covid ward - sigh.

A guy behind me in a shop queue once, in Covid, told me what a load of lies it was etc - I’d lost my Dad the week before to Covid. I didn’t say that or debate, just said mm though as he wouldn’t shut up and the queue was slow I got irritated tbh - but what I found most baffling is to say this view to a complete stranger - they’re definitely the sort of views I consider to be discussed only with friends.

I'm so sorry about your Dad. That sounds traumatic x

I’ve been a bit quiet as thinking some things through, but a quick update from me.

I am really not over my ex and I feel uncomfortable with Mr Persistent because of this, so I’ve ended it. I feel awful because he is absolutely gutted as he tried so hard to ‘get me’ (hence his nickname!).

Mr Sheep is still messaging regularly and we get on well but I have told him I’m not ready for anything romantic. I think he sees this as a challenge and seems to be keener than ever.

I think I might have to swerve dating for a good while so I can move on from my ex, but I do miss having daily contact with someone.

Does anyone else never get into conversations on dating apps now because they can't quite bring themselves to set themselves up for it not working out? I don't mean reading too much in to chat beforehand. But just that most relationships seem to end in heartache?

Maybe I've just been reading too much mumsnet..

Can I get some thoughts on this please? I have just ended it with someone I was dating for a couple of months for various reasons. One mainly being I am not ready - I have a small child - and have not that long been broken up with my ex. But there were a couple of flags.

One being that when we first started dating, even before we had met for some of the them, the stories they would tell about their work all had a sexual element running through them. They were told in jest and I didn't feel uncomfortable, so this was fine until I started to realise as the dates went on that most of the stories were like this. I felt like it was wayy to early to be bringing up stories like that as we hardly knew each other and it was starting to make me uncomfortable. So I told him and he accepted it and stopped, which is good, but I have been pondering it after talking to a friend about it the other day.

If anything makes you feel uncomfortable then listen to your body, have your boundaries and respect them

Mumsnet is an echo chamber of largely male awfulness.

I don't think men (or women) are all like that.

But only you can decide if you want to take the risk and potentially regret it more than not trying x

Anyone leading with sex is a no from me.

See thing that threw me is that these stories were about other people or work, not like trying to get into sexting with me, but I still felt it a bit inappropriate.

It set your spidey senses going though. 🕷🕸

So I have an iron, found on Hinge of all places. For me, Hinge has been like crickets until now. I live in a big city but I was seeing the same faces recycled and men I matched with just didn’t respond so this has been surprising.

Been messaging for a few days now and so far so good. He’s been very curious and asking lots of questions, showing an interest and remembering details. So we’ll see how this one goes!

Promising!

Sounds good! Any mention of a date yet?

No outright question yet however there’s been discussion around it, such as what we like doing/where we like going on dates. Sentences starting with “if we meet up….”. I do believe we’ll get there and that he’s not just rushing to jump in to meeting for the sake of it. We swapped numbers last night at the end of our Hinge chat though.

So far over the past few days we have messaged throughout the evening. I had to set a “curfew” on the second evening as we chatted way after midnight on the first evening. There’s been a good morning message from him and then we wait until the evening time to message properly.

No red flags so far, lots of questions, similar interests and values, he’s only a 10 minute drive from me and no sex chat. But I can’t wait around forever 😂 I’ll gauge how things go tonight and if all well then I may just ask his thoughts on arranging to meet.

Yes you're right it did. A few other things did as well. Everyone of the stories he told about exes, were where he was hard done by, or they had been mean to him or cheated etc. Which I just found a bit off as well.

Oooh no….major red flag when they talk about their ex in a poor light. They may well have been treated badly however this is definitely not the time to be discussing this. And I always find it hard to believe that someone has been that unlucky to have been mistreated by all their “crazy ex’s”. Bin.

@empirebiscuits12 Me too, it all just felt a bit woe is me.

Last and final was, he kept saying he wanted me to open up to him, and when I by sharing things about my past, life, relationships etc. he would either find something in it that linked to something he had experienced and the convo would move to that, or he would acknowledge it and even agree, but he wouldn't ask anything more or any questions so it felt like I was just making statements much of the time. Not even sure that's a flag, maybe just a personal preference for me.

This was a massive red flag of Mr X
All is exes did him wrong, according to him. This included his ex wife who from what I saw of her was a nice and reasonable person.

It shows lack of accountability at best, and at worst some of the stories will be things HE did.