Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

🤣

Yep exactly, it's a negative spiral.

About to get unmatched

Nice dog, what's his name?

X. He's a ybreed.

...maybe I need to work on my open questions.

I messaged something jokey to someone about their dog the other day, something along the lines of I only swiped to get an introduction to the dog and he unmatched me! So even if you try and start with something different it doesn’t always work!

If the thought of conversing further or meeting again feels you with dread I would just send a ‘thanks but no spark’ message. Even if it’s not fireworks I think you should at least feel curious after the first date and want to meet again.

@Betsy95- it’s a shame if it’s a flat thing - tbh I’ve been excited about some 2nd dates and they’ve fallen apart - meh about some and they’ve progressed, though sometimes as I just couldn’t face sifting the gutter again.

This is over years of OLD btw, don’t think I’m getting all those dates now! Recently, I tried a 2nd date with Mr Cornflakes after not feeling it but he’d kept messaging me- I knew the moment we met it was a non starter and I shouldn’t have agreed - much more so than the first - and really would have been better staying in. I have a 2nd date/meet tonight but tbh felt it a bit much, though I tried to see it as just a fun evening, so keeping to reminding myself tonight is just another evening - and a good check whether beer goggles/music had come into play on Friday.

For you - if it’s dread I think just don’t have the date - if you feel upto a night chatting with him then maybe try it and you’ll get an answer. Though there’s lots of different opinions on this no/low spark stuff - so definitely go with what you want to most - there’s plenty more out there and it’s slightly better odds you find one than winning the lottery too!

I always find a definite no much easier than a not sure

I I would say is there enough there to make you interested in spending more time in his company even if you’re not sure there’s an attraction? If not then bow out now.

So Mr Not for Me came back and was cool with the message I sent re a 2nd date - wished me well though said he didn’t really mean that if it got him ruled out (jokingly).

He randomly had a first date Friday too but he said she didn’t look anything like her pics but also it didn’t really work either.

Last 2 guys I met - only 2 in this iteration - have looked like their photos - but previously I’ve had some shocking changes in appearance. I think there’s a verified selfie thing now which probably should be used more - saying that I don’t ha!

@Nosdacariad your question to him was fine, his reply was rubbish as he didnt ask you anything back. Im still finding this with women on the apps, very few have good conversing skills.

@Betsy95 do you think maybe your first date was too long? Maybe it sucked all the mystery out of it.

At least as you have said, the 50:1 twat ratio seems to be nationwide, so Im glad its isnt just me and a North East / Newcastle thing.

It would be nice to match with at least one woma ln who can chat normally! It seems to have gotten so much worse the last 3 years.

I think it’s a me thing tbh and I should see it through. He genuinely is everything I’ve asked for and I think I’m just putting too much pressure on an instant “spark” or intensity (which has never led to any good for me!)

Yes I think maybe it was and perhaps it meant we were trying to overcompensate instead of being natural.

Strong believer in quick coffee shop meet up and out - having said that I failed twice on it recently ha - it’s so easy to do that but harder under a specific time constraint such as meeting a friend, going to work.

I was lucky both dates were fine at the time - I’m not actually sure how I’d have said I was off home early on Friday as we were watching a band and it’s leaving someone on their own potentially - I have an awful habit in those circumstances of amusing myself just with the beer - and the goggles are dangerous - hence last time’s decision to start coffee shop pit stops. Now have to reflect how that’s failed me!

Do you think you will have seconds? Or not?

@ForRedShark the good news is to outcompete the blokes you just need to ask the odd question.
The bad news is that doesn't improve the chat from t'other side.

@Betsy95 I hear you on the beer goggles but...much harder these days when I'm nearly teetotal.

Yes I’m going to go on the second date and not just judge on the first, so we will see.

@Nosdacariad yes, and its the same for you. You asking a question or two, will elevate you above the dross that i keep matching with online. Sadly that doesnt guarantee that the bloke will ask one back.

It seems that the apps are vastly populated with these monosyllabic people, that we keep running into, instead of the decent folk.

So my potential guy is officially ghosting me after 4 dates that all seemed to go well. Nobody else in the lineup.
I do have an old friend who I had a drunken ONS with who seems very keen for a repeat and I must admit I am tempted to make Mr. Ons a friend with benefits and then just give up on dating for a while.

It's bizarre behaviour after four dates.

I couldn't handle FWB myself but go for it if it works for you xxx

They’re multiplying?!
We need a field guide for OLD 😂

Update. So the Facebook post that I spotted about Mr Charismatic at the weekend - a few more women commented on it! He’s been a busy boy it seems. One who said they had some no strings fun recently as a one off, and one who had lined up the same but said she didn’t end up meeting him in the end as she’d had to travel unexpectedly.

Technically he’s done nothing wrong here. So I’m trying to keep that in mind. But it’s no bloody wonder he’s hardly been free to see me!

I sent him a message last night along he lines of, I’d really like to understand where your head is on the dating side of things, I’m conscious we haven’t discussed it since we reconnected and I think it’s really important we make sure we are on the same page etc. He knows I am looking for a relationship so I thought I might get a reply saying he’s only looking or casual, and for that to be that.

Instead he replied “I’m glad you brought it up. Let’s try to catch up this week, or this weekend if you’re not heading away?” (Long weekend here). So that was surprising. I’ve organised to see him on Friday, I think mainly because I’m curious to hear what the hell he has to say. But I’m expecting this is most likely the end of things given how I’m predicting the chat will go.

@BoxOfCats that was brave, and fingers crossed xxx

Hello

I just need a quick second opinion. I've matched with someone on Bumble but must have scrolled past the bit I now see (or he's changed it) that says:

"a simple country boy who needs an
experienced lady"

This guy is in his 50s with a grey beard. It's a tell isn't it? As well as being cringe

It sounds like he's very committed to roleplay and also 🤮 (not to roleplay but the wording and putting it front & centre).

Yeah, its grim. He also lists that he's looking for 'playfullness'... why does Bumble have that option on there?! Men that say they want that are surely only talking about sex, right?

I'm going to let the match fade out

Thanks :)

That annoys me, as i dont put any of that rubbish in my bio, yet I dont get many matches and the ones I do get, are incapable of conversation.

I'm half convinced there's some dating app algorithm that makes the people who match but can't chat circulate far more than the people who can actually hold a conversation. I always get a decent number of matches but about 5% can maintain a basic conversation and even fewer can make it interesting! (To clarify I don't think most of them are actually incapable - I think it's just a horrible lack of effort.)

Me and a male friend were both having the same issues, seeing the same rubbish profiles pop up over and over and we tried to find each other as a test. We both refined our search parameters to be as specific as possible and swiped away trying to find each other. Neither of us saw the other but both saw numerous people outside of our parameters and the same people we'd already said no to popping up again and again.

The apps don't actually want you to find your perfect match and delete them, they just want to give you enough breadcrumbs that you don't give up completely. Quite like a few of the irons we've had in the thread!