Gifts sent to our home from DHs female work colleague

[lolaflores]

On Saturday a parcel came to the house addressed to DH. It said "Easter surprise inside!"
I assumed it was an early gift from family and thought no more.
He came down and looked surprised and thought it was family as well.
He opened it up and went scarlet! You could have fried rashers on his face. Then he started giggling and showed me. It was a box with 3 packs of M&Ms. On the front of it was a photo of DH and a woman who works with him. Printed on the side was "Happy Easter *, you're the best".
She did this at Xmas with expensive hamper but there was no message or at least nothing that stood out.

I gave it a few minutes and expressed my discomfort at this. The way the message was phrased and the photo of them on the box. She'd also made sure it was 3 packs of his favourite M&Ms.

He works away every other week. So does she. I've over heard her in the background while he was on the phone to me after work a couple of times telling DH everyone is off to the restaurant "r u coming? Ill save you a space. Shall I get a drink for you?"
She is a project assistant so he is her boss.

To me this feels inappropriate. I don't like that she has sent this to our home. The photo felt really off. The phrasing "you're the best!" All of which I expressed. What business has she using our home address when she knows exactly where he will be week to week?

In my working life I've never done this or even thought of doing this? Is it out of order? He played it down but it's been playing on my mind. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 3 years ago. Our life has changed a lot and I often wonder if he wouldn't be happier with someone who isn't disabled.

I didn't walk out with kids....?

The photo is the worst thing (on top of using his home address - how intimate is that for a work colleague?!).

as her senior your DH is at massive risk here of damaging his career.

I think the opposite. I think she is laying down a marker. He probably spins a line about how he can't leave yet and she is making a public play in the hope you dump him.

Great boundary holding OP!! Well done x

HR here, HR there- cringe as hell.
Bollocking.
They are both at it, having an affair.
Obviously she sent it as some kind of meaning to them and letting you know she's there.

He said she his details as she's booked cars/taxis for airport pick ups.
I saidbits still not her information to do as she sees fit with and he agreed and that will be dealt with as well.

Sorry but going from its nothing to her having a warning and being taken off the project is bollocks too. What a 180 and too quickly. He is repeating back what you wanted the outcome to be in the hope it shuts you down.

I addition, with regards to her being moved to a different project; apparently her behaviour in the hotel bar on a few occasions has been causing concerns. Way too much drink and exchanging stories with people about sex parties she's enjoyed in various European cities and the substances she used whilst taking part.
I'm not sure if I'm even more worried now

I've over heard her in the background while he was on the phone to me after work a couple of times telling DH everyone is off to the restaurant "r u coming? I’ll save you a space. Shall I get a drink for you?"

what was his response?

Goodness he’s painted quite the picture of her!

I have worked with a lot of Polish people and have never to this day witnessed this.

This is where the M&Ms meaning comes in and why he turned puce

So not only has she taken a photo of the two of them together she has then got it printed so she could stick it to the box. M&M’s were used in their ad to imply that you find someone attractive because of the ads that were flirty and one that says “it’s true what they say… I am hot” and other things flirty things like “melt in the mouth, not in the hand” and the sexy green one that even undresses seductively and the in bed together scenes, the who’s getting horny and it was quite suggestive and I’d guess it was her way of letting him know she was interested, either that or there was an inside joke between them which would likely suggest they are very flirty and she saw those and thought of them both flirting together, hence the picture of them together but either way it does suggest she was thinking of him and ways to get his attention while he was at home with you.

I suspect for his birthday she’ll send him her last rolo.

So it is a very strange thing to do and completely unprofessional. On the other hand - she obviously is not trying to hide it, so it may not be from nefarious intentions.

His reaction alone tells me he is either cheating or about too

That’s a GDPR breach. I’ve done similar for colleagues, but I’m not allowed to store/take note of their addresses, nor to use their addresses for any purposes other than what the employee consented to in the first place. This is seriously illegal,

Great post 👏🏻

Nonsense. If he were having an affair with his colleague, why on earth would she post him M and Ms with a deeply dorky message to his house? And even if he were attracted to her, something that tone-deaf is pretty off putting, surely.

Yes. She us being put on a different project. As I said, not just because of this but also some other behaviour that is not great.

she is totally unreasonable to have sent this. She surely understands the implications of this gift!

Omg...I did not realise M&Ms were that suggestive.
Good God.
Am I under a rock?

I know. How can you do this and either not have an ounce of cringe available in your system
OR
You are totally shameless about intentions and feel confident enough to not care?

Green M&Ms mean you’re horny. That’s why, when the M&M characters were introduced about 20 years ago, they made the green one sexy. Did she send green M&Ms, OP?

I don’t know if you’ve ever been in this situation, but i have, and you only get one opportunity to get the conversation right first time.

No. Three different types.