Friend not disclosing she has kids she doesn’t see.

[99flake99]

How would you go about this? I have found out that a friend I have (reasonably close) has children she has never spoken about that live with her dad. She has had more kids now with someone else.

I don’t know how to take this, whether I should bring this up. I know there could be many reasons why it’s happened but I can’t help but feel a bit wary, it’s a massive thing to hide. Also I find it hard to understand why they haven’t kept any contact at all with them.

And yet you were asked repeatedly throughout the thread how you found out, but you refused to answer as it would've been 'incredibly outing'.

Then it was 'Oh yeah, FB search'.

You still haven't said why you thought this would be incredibly outing?

No skin in the game here obviously, just curious.

It would be outing because the OP's friend could easily recognise herself in the thread.

OP is not dating this woman, though. Can you not see the difference between a friendship and a relationship?

How long have you known your friend for? You may think you’re close but she may not feel the same about you or for her own reasons may not speak to anyone about it. Does she look after your children in which case I’d say you may have a reason to know.

Go ahead and raise it with her she may or may not want to talk about it and then what’s your plan?

I think you are right. I do struggle with this. I think people are being friendly when they are just being polite. I did mention above that I am autistic. Now this is just getting my brain in a twist. Too confusing. Perhaps I have read the whole thing wrong. I think I will just ignore the fact I’ve seen anything.

The whole thread is incredibly outing.

Being one of millions of FB users putting a name in the search function isn't.

I disagree completely. OP is not asking to know all the ins and outs of her friend's life, but having children who live elsewhere and have no contact with their birth mother, who doesn’t even acknowledge their existence, is a pretty major thing! It would certainly make me think hard about whether I really knew my friend.

There's another current thread with an OP wondering whether it’s a red flag that her new partner has never had any contact with his DC, and most people are saying it is. I would say this case is much more concerning.

Are there people actually sitting at home refreshing people’s threads and deliberately typing provoking weird responses. It’s a very weird thing to do. A very odd way to spend your time. Anyway I think I’ve had quite a lot of advice. Very mixed, very complex really. I will leave it now. It’s just another case for relationships confusing the hell out of me, too complex for my brain….will stick to cats.

It's a very difficult situation. Personally I'd have to bring it up as hard as it would be, if she were to continue being a proper friend.

If you've had chats with her one on one over wine etc it does suggest you are close and she's not just polite. Does she reach out to you, over non childcare things?