To ignore worrying DH ChatGBT conversations

[PlantKiller1]

H and I dont really love each other. Like roommates. We are drifting further amd further apart. We have tried therapy. Didn't work. My kids are v young and ive actually been saving £ in the hope of leaving by the end of the year

He has been more distant than usual. Saying intense things about time and physics when im trying to do regular stuff like cook dinner

I was just on his computer and went to look something up on chatgbt and realised I cpuld see all his chats. And I looked at some of them im afraid

Plenty saying how frigid, cold and career driven i am and how he wants to leave the home for 3 months. Which doesn't surprise me. But other more worrying stuff. One of them being "why do celebrities alwsys do satanic hand gestures" and then questions like "is time linear" "did aliens build the pyramids" and some race theories i cant repeat.

He will say he's just "interested". But he's been withdrawn and distracted recently. Severe mental illness in his family. A close relative lives in supported living because of severity

I dont know what to do. I dont love him. Hes not v nice to me. We havw little in common. But im not sure he's well. But also how can I leave now? My kids might not be safe. I think the stress of divorce might really push him over the edge

Can I just try to forget it? Do I need to do something? He once said some really weird intense stuff a year ago about universes and I ended up calling the GP who told me "disordered thinking" was super common and nothing they could do

Hi OP. Not to try and make this in any way to remotely about me but just wanted to say my previous response was not intended to disbelieve or downplay your experience.. it was just mainly a response to the thread title which I think many were doing, as is the case with mumsnet.

Wishing you all the best

It's not "embarrassing" @WonderingWhatWillHappen .. it's people responding purely to the thread title.

It’s so easy to press ‘see all’ on the first post and read all the OP’s answers, is it really so hard to get the right gist of a thread, it’s not rocket science.
Well done OP on your positive post I wish you the very best on your new journey.

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I have tried to end it before but he says he csnt survive without me. When I talk about our relationship at all he says I make him feel "unsafe" and im being disloyal. I tried to leave last year and he basically went crazy in the house for 48 hours until I agreed to do therapy'

It's ok to want to leave someone OP, regardless of mental health history.. MH is a red herring here, you're scared to leave as you worry what he will do, as well as worry about custody.

Speak with Women's Aid please. If he's going 'crazy', someone needs to inform emergency services (Police in first instance). If he feels unsafe when you leave, this is not your problem! But I understand your worry is about what's next.

Document everything. Every conversation you had with GP, school,every threatening behaviour from him. It's not mental health that's concern here, but the controlling and coercive behaviour.

Make your move with the kids now. What is the hold up? If their is a problem financially, contact a woman's refuge, explain you need to leave. You could mention that you are a bit concerned about his mental health. Bit priority is to get you & the children out of a not pleasant situation. Even if the refuge can not help you, they might be able to give you some suggestions about what to do & where to go with your children . Is their any pets that need to go to? And if you are still worried about your husbands mental health with regards the children & access, you could Tey leaving a message again with the family gp practice. If that fails mention it to the lawyer you seek advice from, re your divorce. Good luck.

I promise ill go away soon. You don't all need constant updates. But for those who know aboyt these things...the other thing he does a lot (and has done tonight again) is says he's unwell and disappears. To bed, or to another room, or his computer. But he insists he's got "something like flu" but he doesnt seem ill and then he'll go to work next day. I ask if maybe he's anxious or down but he gets annoyed and says "im bloody properly ill" but its just random evenings where he disappears and seems withdrawn. But he wont entertain for a second that its mental rather than physical. To be honest sometiems I think he's doing it to get out of hanging out with me and the kids. I dont wanna sound heartless but I find it so annoying. Him insisting he's got flu for 5 hours that disappears miraculously and then 3 days later another evening-long bug

One of his favourite phrases is "im not ill yet but im on the edge of something"

@DetectiveDouche sorry about your faux pas - but it absolutely is embarrassing. That so many blithely dismiss OP's real concerns in their daft, ignorant eagerness to 'confess' their own ChatGPT conversations. It is not difficult to read the whole post - not just the title. RTFT/Reading all of OP's posts would be better, but you all should feel red-faced

Oh ye Gods do bugger off

But he wont entertain for a second that its mental rather than physical.

I think you have to humour him while you're stuck there, OP. If you can, avoid suggesting he has any kind of mental problem/wrong attitude and just let him quietly go about his furtive business!

I hope you get some encouraging news soon regarding your options for next steps.

I think you may have actually logged into my Chat GPT account as I’ve asked some of these questions and lots more you’d probably find shocking judging by your reaction! I find these subjects fascinating but can assure you that I am sane with a good job and normal family life.
I think you are totally overreacting.

You do realise that it’s not that simple to say it’s physical not mental don’t you? One can certainly lead to the other and are often Indistinguishable to the sufferer.

I don’t think you should stay. You are clearly highly incompatible - some of the things he’s researching are pretty standard things, some of his behaviour isn’t,

It maybe that he’s ND and suffering from burnout but it takes someone strong and non/ judgemental and a lot of love and understanding to support someone in that position. By your own admission you don’t love him so your presence might be making things worse.

This does sound annoying but maybe suggests he won't want 50-50.

The irony of you talking about the importance of being non judgemental.

He might be isolating himself, or prioritising whatever it is he’s doing on his computer, or he could be experiencing the physical effects of stressing himself out with whatever’s going on with him - there’s a chance he is actually feeling unwell, but it’s not caused by a virus!

As a pp said, letting him get on with it is probably the safest option; you don’t want to risk winding him up if he’s likely to get agitated, and it sounds like he’s quite defensive about this. A response like “oh poor you, take yourself off to bed until you feel better”, then just carrying on with your evening as if he’s not even in the house, will be more helpful to you than saying anything that might escalate. It’s not forever, you’ll be out of there before you know it, and things will be so much better for you once you are.

One of his favourite phrases is "im not ill yet but im on the edge of something"
You have my sympathy; an ex used to use this one regularly. I felt my eye twitch just reading this!

Hi Everyone, excuse us barging in but we just wanted to remind all posters to read the OP's messages before posting a reply.

At the beginning of this post I thought u were overreacting. I absolutely don't now. You have my sympathy. He sounds definitely not right. Might be worth talking to a lawyer about how u what you would need to prove to a court about DH to get custody of the kids. Maybe?

Nothing non judgmental to see here!

helpful advice- women do not have to set themselves on fire to fix men, even partners. Women who have dc should absolutely not set themselves on fire to help their dc, as the dc should be the priority. I hope dh and I would both think that.

Hi @PlantKiller1 just wanted to say ‘being unwell’ is actually an abuse tactic. My friends ex would deliberately make himself look pale and pasty by not eating, drinking too much caffeine etc.. he’d lay in bed and be FAR too ill to get involved in family life, knowing she couldn’t complain because he was ‘sick’….
If/when you leave don’t be shocked if he pulls out a terminal illness… This is also more common than most think

Hi @PlantKiller1 just wanted to say ‘being unwell’ is actually an abuse tactic. My friends ex would deliberately make himself look pale and pasty by not eating, drinking too much caffeine etc.. he’d lay in bed and be FAR too ill to get involved in family life, knowing she couldn’t complain because he was ‘sick’….
If/when you leave don’t be shocked if he pulls out a terminal illness… Also a very common tactic!

Which is why I suggested she left!

Maybe work with the information you have available rather than adding context you’ve dreamed up that doesn’t actually exist. There’s no evidence to suggest “maybe he’s ND”, or “suffering from burnout”. Defending him, trying to make him a victim of OP not being “strong and non-judgmental” enough (implying she’s weak and judgmental!?) is a fucking weird move when this is based on something you’ve imagined, not anything concrete OP has actually said.

Yes, OP said she doesn’t love him: her actual words were “I don’t love him. He’s not v nice to me”. He isn’t nice to her. He calls her “frigid and career-driven” and makes misogynistic remarks, but OP is doing almost everything around the house while he’s ‘researching’ his theories. She’s tried to leave in the past but he used coercive abuse/manipulation tactics to stop her, saying she made him feel “unsafe”, calling her disloyal, “ranting and raving”, and going “crazy in the house for 48 hours”. OP gets the brunt of his anger at home, she’s understandably worried for her children, but she’s worried about him too. He has a family history of psychosis, has been shouting at himself while lying in bed or in the car, and he’s talked about hurting himself. She was “scared to leave” because she was frightened his previous reaction might be repeated, or could be worse now his mental state seems to have deteriorated further.

Some of the things he’s researching might be standard for you, but they’re not standard for him. OP knows her DH, and has said the way he’s asking about these things suggests he believes them. She’s much better placed to make that assessment than you are.

It sounds like you might be feeling uncomfortable and defensive because you’ve asked your ChatGPT some similar odd questions, and possibly that you think this stems from your own neurodivergence. But trying to manage your discomfort by ignoring the actual context that’s been provided, then making things up so you can defend him (calling him “interesting and intelligent”) and painting OP as the issue, (suggesting she’s weak, judgmental, and “making things worse”) isn’t fair, reasonable, or in any way logical.

OP I have read all of your posts but not every single reply so if it's been mentioned and you've dismissed it I apologise!

Obviously things are worse than just what you've written in your opening post but I just wanted to flag that all of those worrying things on the original chatGPT conversations came up on that new Louis Theroux documentary about the manosphere. The hand symbols, the aliens/pyramids, loads of awful racial/anti-Semitic stuff as well as misogynistic tripe- just in case this is a rabbit hole he's fallen down?