To ignore worrying DH ChatGBT conversations

[PlantKiller1]

H and I dont really love each other. Like roommates. We are drifting further amd further apart. We have tried therapy. Didn't work. My kids are v young and ive actually been saving £ in the hope of leaving by the end of the year

He has been more distant than usual. Saying intense things about time and physics when im trying to do regular stuff like cook dinner

I was just on his computer and went to look something up on chatgbt and realised I cpuld see all his chats. And I looked at some of them im afraid

Plenty saying how frigid, cold and career driven i am and how he wants to leave the home for 3 months. Which doesn't surprise me. But other more worrying stuff. One of them being "why do celebrities alwsys do satanic hand gestures" and then questions like "is time linear" "did aliens build the pyramids" and some race theories i cant repeat.

He will say he's just "interested". But he's been withdrawn and distracted recently. Severe mental illness in his family. A close relative lives in supported living because of severity

I dont know what to do. I dont love him. Hes not v nice to me. We havw little in common. But im not sure he's well. But also how can I leave now? My kids might not be safe. I think the stress of divorce might really push him over the edge

Can I just try to forget it? Do I need to do something? He once said some really weird intense stuff a year ago about universes and I ended up calling the GP who told me "disordered thinking" was super common and nothing they could do

This is something that has come out about Epsteins island (the hand gesture)

Don't tell him you're leaving. Make a plan.

Maybe you could film his behaviour and show it to a very trusted person? Screaming and shouting IS hurting you all.

Hi OP. What a tricky situation.
I agree from everything you’ve said he sounds at significant risk of psychosis but far away from being sectionable, and that divorce/separation is highly stressful and risks worsening this.

i also agree there is a risk of him being allowed significant contact if you split. If you leave with the kids and don’t let him see them, worst case scenario he applies for contact and persuades the court it’s urgent, and they give 50/50 by default or whatever he wants as an interim measure while they look into things, which can take months in my limited experience and again in my limited experience they have a very high threshold for not giving contact.

i wonder if early help or social services could give any advice- no idea really just being hopeful. If they have an email address it might be worth getting all your key concerns on record- the family history, shouting when alone, tics, comment re self harm, conspiracy theories being the last of it really plus the risk of divorce worsening it. And attach some evidence. Court will then see that before granting access- though I don’t know if it would be enough to prevent unsupervised access. I think services often see anyone wanting to reduce or block the other parents contact as the bad guy so whether it would be helpful to get in there first with the right narrative about how this is coming from a place of concern for the kids about wanting them to be in a healthy relationship environment but not then being left alone with someone at risk of psychosis.

Is there anyone sane in his family that you could discuss your concerns with? If there was someone solid and aware of the risks who could take him under their wing, or ideally have him to stay for the 3 months break he wants , it might minimise the risks of further deterioration of his MH on separation and also give another source able to confirm his mental state so they know you’re not making it up to get custody, as well as being able to link with MH services on his behalf if he does deteriorate further while you stay safely out of the way.

As many posters have said, womens aid and Mind for advice, and get your concerns on record with the GP.
Also do everything you can to keep your own stress down and yourself well connected with friends and family, you are going to need people around you. All best wishes.

I have googled this and lots of questions along these lines because, well, why on earth ARE celebs doing those signs? I don’t understand why, especially in light of the files being released, it’s still taboo to have questions about the world that we live in and that our children have to live in. I actually think an awareness of this helps us protect our children, it doesn’t mean your husband is a danger to them ffs. I actually find it unsettling how you’re obviously the type of person who likes to hear no evil and see no evil and remain wilfully ignorant to things going on. Physicists and philosophers such as Nikola Tesla have long said that time is not linear and as we know it, I find it all fascinating

The number of posters jumping in to trip over themselves and explain how incredibly broad minded and deep thinking and 'unique' they are because they chat shit to an AI program... It's embarrassing.

The OP needs help to leave this guy safely and to stop feeling responsible for his well being. He has conditioned and coerced her into being his emotional crutch and that's difficult to stop.

This.

I actually find it unsettling how you’re obviously the type of person who likes to hear no evil and see no evil and remain wilfully ignorant to things going on.

She’s noticed her husband lying in bed all day shouting at himself. She’s aware of him talking about hurting himself.

Maybe, as such a deep thinker who considers themselves more aware of what’s going on around them than the average person…you should try filtering to OPs updates and at least reading those before weighing in with a personal attack, judging the OP based on only the limited information you actually bothered to read. Someone’s being “wilfully ignorant” here, but it’s not the OP.

(This kind of knee-jerk response doesn’t suggest you’re capable of conducting trustworthy ‘research’ in any of the areas you’ve googled either, btw).

@PlantKiller1

What a tricky situation you are in. I have read all your updates.

I work in mental health and I’m currently a psychological therapist in the NHS.

I believe you are right in your concerns.

He will likely unravel when you leave, but this may need to happen for him to get the help he needs.

It is hard to hold that risk concern, but it is not solely yours to hold. There are practical things you can do, people you can make aware, raise welfare concerns to, etc..

He is abusive and manipulating you into staying.

Please seek advice and leave.

Document everything of concern, make notes of why they’re concerning, like you have here. Order your thoughts, they all build a picture.

Your children need a stable, healthy parent. That is you. The longer you stay, the more you get caught and tangled in his unhealthy web, slowly boiled like the frog. Don’t go down with the sinking ship. Your children need you to keep them afloat.

It won’t be easy, and it will be worse before better, but you can do it, and I really think it would be the better thing to do in the long run.

He will only get worse. Don’t wait until he genuinely becomes a physical risk to you and/or the children before you leave. That may seem easier as it’s then clearer, but that’s a high risk strategy, and may end badly.

💐

Off to find the answer is time linear.

….

Just realised I have already asked it

Does this make me unsafe ?

It isn’t actually linear, no, but our brain makes sense of it that way much as it puts together the images the eyes receive to make ‘one picture’. So for all functional human purposes it is linear, because it’s one of the conventions that governs our lives.

Hi op, you are right to be concerned but sadly you can not stop what is going to happen happening. When I left my ex( he was delusional and started shouting at me )he descended into psychosis and got detained under the MHA. But in a way that was good as I had evidence when I went to court to stop him seeing the children. It has not been easy and now a few years on he is better and the court process finished. Cafcas’s over saw him having contact with the children again. And now he has some unsupervised contact every week.

document everything, contact services and go to court.

good luck op. It is very very hard but you will get a peaceful home in the end .

I can’t believe how many people are dismissing this op. You sound very intuitive and well informed and he does sound like he is slipping into psychosis. I’m sorry you’ve had so many people minimising it on here. I also totally understand why you are worried about your kids. As someone else said - document everything you’ve put here and contact Mind who will give you much more sensible advice than Mumsnet.

my flatmate in my 20s started with slightly innocuous conspiracy theories before accusing me of framing him for murder and being a witch. He then rapidly slipped into psychosis vanished for 11 months with no access to money - had been sleeping rough, was sectioned and subsequently diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I hope you get some support.

If he is as ill as OP is saying then no he won’t have unsupervised access.

💯 this. It’s totally cringe and the kind of minimising behaviour I thought we had grown out of as women. It reminds me of the “cool girl” trope (which does nothing but hurt women and play into misogyny).

Hi I’ve not read the full thread apart from all by the OP so apologies if I’m repeating anything… but the impact on you is that you’re terrified of him. I know he may be unwell but at the end of the day you’re scared of his reaction if you leave. I’d take photos of what he’s been asking so you have evidence (even just for yourself) and then contact someone like women’s aid or a domestic violence officer at your local police station. His reaction when you tried to leave last time is enough to ask the question of “will someone help keep me and the kids safe if I leave?” Shouting to yourself is not normal behaviour and as you say he seems to be having some kind of MH issue.

From experience ... speak to his and your GP. And also womens aid to leave. Its not your responsibility to stay incase he gets worse. Have a look i to schizophrenia see if that clarifies anything for you.

My heart goes out to you, OP, and thank god for some sane responses at last this morning e.g. from @bahto and @ItsOkItsDarkChocolate who have some good advice here. Please ignore the PPs poo-poohing your concerns. They clearly haven't read your posts or understood them.

You can't just say to professionals "he's not safe". They don't listen. I can't even persuade people on mumsnet he's not well. So how can I take the risk? I don't have any evidence we are at risk other than... (long list of extremely worrying behaviour)...

This is the quandary: he's in that liminal state that doesn't yet tick enough diagnostic criteria to get urgent help. Yet he is clearly deteriorating, and it would be unwise to stick around until he is overtly unwell because you and the children could be at risk.

This is complicated by the fact that you feel responsible for his well-being as much as your own. Somehow, you MUST find a way to set that aside. Having been in a coercive and controlling marriage myself (honestly, I didn't half pick 'em back in the day!!!), I know how hard it it to separate your welfare from his, in fact it can be difficult to even acknowledge your own needs when you're used to placing him at the centre of concern.

I think you have to try and reframe all this in your mind. Because you are compelled to think in terms of HIS needs, start telling yourself that the only way for him to get the help he needs is for his illness to be properly exposed, which will only happen when you remove yourself and the children from this volatile and unpredictable situation. Yes, he might lose the plot completely, but that is what needs to happen for people to see what the problem is. And you don't want to be around when that happens. Read @Wish44 's post. Things will be all right in the end, but only if you take steps towards it.

Seek advice from MIND and Women's Aid, but as an immediate next step is there anyone you can turn to for shelter? Think! You need allies, and you might be surprised who will understand and respond to your concerns in real life. I hope so. Good luck 💐

(Edited to add: This is a proper description of the "flat reptilian stare" I related to so well in the case of my ex-DP)

I wish people would stop derailing this thread by querying his unreasonable behaviour and trying to justify it.
He is obviously seriously mentally ill and the OP is totally justified in needing to leave.
So before the thread fills up with irresponsible chatter please concentrate on giving positive guidance for the OP.
Please start recording evidence of his behaviour OP, you could do this subtly on your phone as well as documenting it. Then seek guidance from Women’s Aid, you could also contact Mind and your doctor.
I do hope you find a way out, the situation sounds dreadful.

I think you and the children need to leave ASAP. Isn't there someone you could go to? Friends? Family? While you "regroup" and make plans for the future. Good luck.

I’m fascinated by conspiracy theories, but I don’t believe lizard people from another planet are controlling the world’s finances/‘they’ are putting mind control substances in tap water/celebrities are in cahoots with demonic entities - I just find them interesting. I mention this because, despite me chatting to my DH about this stuff regularly, he’s confirmed he’d easily be able to tell the difference between “have you heard about this one!?” and the signs of me contemplating whether these batshit ideas might actually be worth taking seriously. I’m confident I’d notice if his attitude changed, too. When you know somebody, you can tell.

OP, you know your husband. Some posters need to remember that their assessment of the situation is coming from a bizarre defensive reaction over their own searches and/or interests, not from understanding the context you have access to or, in many cases, from even having RTFT. (These posters also probably need to be a little more empathetic and realise they can start their own thread if they want to talk about how aliens built the pyramids - this isn’t the place for that).

As it is, this nonsense combined with his other behaviour is making me quite worried for you. You’re in such a difficult situation, it must be so bloody stressful (and confusing), and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. There have been some very wise posters on this thread who are definitely worth listening to.
(You’re probably quite safe to ignore the ones who are only here to call you names then tell you about how they’ve watched TWO whole YouTube videos and can therefore confidently state that birds aren’t real and Nicole Kidman is the devil 🤷‍♀️)

Its not the subjects of what he's looking at on chat gpt, it's the fact these people don't fit well and that cannot be good for the kids. She HAS to leave, even if she needs to get support to do so. Sometimes it can take years for a woman to feel ready to leave. You can't put a man before your kids even if it is their Dad.

I'd be so embarrassed if my dp looked at my browsing history. I search things that I see during scrolling, watching Reels, something on TV, even an overheard conversation. I just searched the very one you mentioned out of interest.....he probably heard or read it and was incredulous. Don't you ever verify things you hear or see?

@Superfoodie123

You might want to read this before making ridiculous comments online.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/fact-check-no-baal-bank-183025000.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAADu3pScodSTXWOvCkF4YHBNOmBjgqMG4rghoHgPjGh0Lma_lBhOsOFdwZhwx3RgnZNxIHJwjNWzAv_nLVSfKBt2LOia2PsNEbKUrKnP7cH51Gwzte5UH9WxL3-1r9JRlQa3oQCbn9tXo1BPUzCdsH89AEzwGHohrlHE7lecjKS5g

Sure, but have you read all OP's posts?