AIBU to expect a call / text during day while DH is at work?

[Purple100]

Quick one
DH job is in civil engineering so very hands on and gets dirty. He drives to different areas around the country and will have short breaks during the day between jobs. Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls and he asks what’s wrong. I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in. We have a 4 year old and a baby. AIBU?

Its just that 3 posters specified 4 times a day..

Anyway I dont think you're unreasonable OP, but I would probably message rather than call. I think its reasonable to want contact during the day

My husband and I have been married for over 40 years. He started phoning me on his break after I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago. Now he does it if we don't chat in the morning before he leaves for work. If we do chat he doesn't ring me.

Yes unreasonable and clingy. He’s working so let him get on with it.

I've seen threads like this before and always surprised about the amount of people saying YABU and asking why on earth you'd want to talk to your husband. You say he has a couple of breaks in the day so I'd expect a text or two.

My husband and I text throughout day. Obviously we don't have manual labour type of jobs so have more opportunity. But we like each other, we're friends, so when we have a moment to check our phones, we text. We send pictures of what the kids are up to if one of us is with them, share our thoughts, just chat.

Always makes me sad when these threads are filled with people that have normal lunch breaks and it wouldn't occur to them to text their husband?

My husband also leaves before I'm up in the morning. He does call me when he is driving to his route (he's a postie) although I'm not always free as am working myself by then, but it is nice. He likes to know how the kids have been and if there's been any issues with them going into school (we've had some issues) and I like to know how his day is looking and when he will likely be home. But this happens because we had a conversation. If it's something you feel you would benefit from, talk to him, explain and ask if he could maybe call occasionally when driving (if car has Bluetooth)

Need or want?
Why do you need contact during the day? It seems absolutely suffocating to me.
My DH left for work at 6am this morning gave me a quick silent kiss as he got up. I have no clue when he will be back this evening. We are only ever in touch during the day if something cannot wait.

Honestly, my ex's need for contact while I was at work (even when I told him how busy I was) was one of the reasons we broke up. I can appreciate it is lonely at home with a baby, but it's not fair to put that on him, potentially to the detriment of his job.

My dh leaves before I wake up too, but it doesn't mean I interrupt him at work.

Seriously, get out of the house every day. Talk to other adults who have the time to listen to you.

I have been married for 28 years and it has never occurred to me to speak to my DH during the day. H he would reply to my text if there is some real emergency - eg both at work who is able to leave to collect sick DC.

YABU. Good grief! Let him get on with his work undisturbed. It's a poor thing if you can't cope for a day without contacting him.

Why?
Why would you expect him to call or text you during the working day?

I wouldn’t expect it from my DH because I’m as busy during the day with work crap as he is so the day flies by and I probably wouldn’t even notice a call or text. But if you would like it then have you had that conversation with him? Have you said ‘I’m feeling a little lonely and starved of interaction during the day while I’m at home with the kids. I’m going to try to get out more but in the meantime it would be really nice if you’d just text me and have a bit of a conversation at lunch time.’

So needy.

Poor guy. I will text DH during the working day if there is something he specifically needs to know about which is fairly rare, he will usually call when he is leaving work so I know what time we'll be eating.

When I was working (various jobs) I had plenty of other things I liked or needed to do in my breaks - shopping, talking to colleagues, having a rest... When I was a teacher, I had to tidy after previous lesson, prepare for the next ones, attend meetings etc. I had to focus on work and couldn't always handle adding one extra 'task' to the list.

I only have contact with Dh if there is a reason that can't wait until I get home eg to ask to change a child collection that day

Everyone saying YABU and I think that’s fair but I couldn’t imagine not having any contact throughout the day.

Even when I’m too busy to reply I still get thinking of you messages and lil updates and I think it’s nice.

If I saw multiple missed calls off my DP in work hours I'd except someone to be dead or in hospital.

Can you focus on filling your days with some activities instead? I'd do anything for a year off work (except have another baby 🤣) don't waste it ringing your husband.

These answers are baffling to me. DH and I check in during the day when we're both working. Most people we know text their spouse during the day. It's not unusual. There may be hours of the day when we're both too busy, but when we get a minute, we often do send each other a meme or just a message. I think that's pretty normal, so it's not surprising that you expect it, OP.

These answers are baffling to me. DH and I check in during the day when we're both working. Most people we know text their spouse during the day. It's not unusual. There may be hours of the day when we're both too busy, but when we get a minute, we often do send each other a meme or just a message. I think that's pretty normal, so it's not surprising that you expect it, OP.

If you like it, it's nice that you get those messages. For me, I'd find it irritating and I'm glad not to. It's good we're are all different!

Go to any baby groups in your area and get some friends
A majority of people are not allowed to use their phones whilst at work I know my company doesn’t allow it and in any emergency we can be contacted through our works landline

It doesn't seem normal to be, but maybe it's an age thing. For most of my working life (I'm retired now) mobile phones were either non-existent or rare. So texting wasn't possible and using a work phone for a private and non-essential call might have been frowned on.

I find it very odd how many people claim never to speak to their partners throughout the day, or its 'needy' or 'clingy' to want to speak to the person you love when youre apart.

Me and my DH talk every day, texts or sometimes a call. We like each other, we are friends, we enjoy chatting. We've been together 20 years and I couldn't tell you the last time we went the working day without contact. He would definitely call me later in the morning if he left before I woke up. And yes we both have full time, demanding, stressful senior position jobs thats dont involve a desk.

OP maybe have a chat with him and set out your expectations. I dont see why he cant give you a quick ring while hes driving, or atext before he sets off for his destination. How long does it take to send a text?

Also if you are feeling lonely at home then definitely let him know that too. Do you have siblings or parents you can call? Id always facetime my mum so the kids could chat to granny! The days are long with 2 little kids.

I text dh from work to say how’s your day going, or I’ll be a bit late, or was thinking of x for dinner or have just seen an email from x or y. I work in retail and he works in the office or from home. He does the same. I don’t get why people are getting so angry or calling you needy, ye are meant to be a team/ couple/ like each other. You can bet all the people snapping at you text their friends over a day and expect a reply!!

My husbands a tradie so sometimes I’ll not hear from him all day depending on the job. I used to be a bit upset about it, then tagged along with him to work one Saturday morning (we were going somewhere after on the way) and saw how he can be stuck up bent over in a tiny loft crevice for hours and realised how silly I had been. We also live in rural area so signal is AWFUL most places