AIBU to expect a call / text during day while DH is at work?

[Purple100]

Quick one
DH job is in civil engineering so very hands on and gets dirty. He drives to different areas around the country and will have short breaks during the day between jobs. Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls and he asks what’s wrong. I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in. We have a 4 year old and a baby. AIBU?

During his working day?! Yes, you are being unreasonable.

He's not allowed to text while driving and he's working with his hands in a job that needs his full concentration.

Remember the world before mobile phones? When we'd go to school or work and our parents and friends could only communicate with us face to face or at home? It's like that. Why do you need to message and check in with him during the day?

I'm busy when I'm in work. My husband is busy when he's in work. We can chat in the evening. He also works a job where he's handling heavy machinery so I fully understand that we can't be messaging all day. Or I could but I shouldn't and don't expect a reply until he has lunch or is finished.

Why are you phoning him? He doesn't need to be texting you through the day. What are you trying to tell him that he won't find out when he gets home?

I totally get messages like the following, which are normal for my husband and me:

"have you got plans for tea? I can go to Lidl after I drop (child's name) to (child's hobby)"
"if you're going to the gym, do you want to give (child's name) a lift back because he's there already"
"just FYI, that package from (shop) arrived, I've put it in your wardrobe"

I will only phone if there's an emergency like a child who needs picking up from school because they've been sick and I'm in a meeting in another city. Sometimes I'll forward a silly meme or joke or video if I see something that'll make him laugh while I make a cup of tea on a work break. But I don't expect a reply immediately.

Are you lonely? Do you see friends and family during the day? Do you work?

It’s not about ‘needing’ it, it’s a ‘nice to have’.

My husband and I call or text every day if we’re not together. It might be to ask a question, it might be just to say ‘hi’. Today, for example, he sent me a photo. When I was at home with babies, he did it all the more.

Unless something important comes up that I need to make my DH aware of during the day ie grabbing one of the children from a friends etc we have no contact from when I leave at 7.00am to when he gets in at 6.00.
Why does he need to check in whilst he’s at work?

This. Dh doesn’t ring me, I don’t ring him. We are both at work. He was actually a SAHD when Dd was little and I went back to work. Wouldn’t have crossed my mind to ring him.

Oh my goodness, you're being totally unreasonable. This reads like a schoolgirl. Sorry. You said he's out and about all day. What is it you need to speak about before he arrives home?

Unless youre struggling with NB and/or you messaged him for something you needed a reply to YABU.

He isnt ignoring you, hes working.

If you feel this needy, maybe you need to talk to him about accessing support.

Everyone’s work situations are different but I would always get a Love you text or some communication from dh if he’s out all day, wherever he is. I wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t though.

I couldn't agree more. When we were first married many years ago we couldn't even afford a landline and mobiles were decades in the future. When DH went away to university with our only vehicle for 3 terms to train for his professional qualification, I was at home alone with the children (3 year-old toddler and a baby) for 10 days at a time as he was studying 150 miles away and couldn't afford either time or fuel to come home more than one weekend in two. Yes, it was hard on both of us, but it wasn't intolerable. Among the things we both learned that year were patience and resilience, which have stood us in good stead since.

YABU he’s at work.

I wouldn’t want my DH checking in with me during the working day

Very unreasonable and needy. Sorry

You are being unreasonable. Sometimes me and DH text if we have time. If we don't have time, then we don't send messages. Neither one of us gets the slightest bit bothered if the other doesn't message back, as we know we are at work and work can get in the way of personal messaging.

Yes, YABU. How old is the baby? Is it because you are on mat leave and board? Not read the full post yet, so not sure if it has been asked?

I hardly ever message my DH when he is at work and vice versa. We are both in busy jobs and he has areas of his work were he can not take a phone. The only time that I will contact him is if I suddenly remembered something that I was going to ask him or if I need to call, it will be due to the kids to see if he can take them to an appointment or get them from school if they fall ill and I know that he is working from home that day if he has lots of meetings back to back

The main times that he will message me is if he has to travel for work and he is just letting me know that he is leaving somewhere, stopped for a break or reached his destination as he know that I would worry

YABU, unless you need him for some kind of emergency.

I wouldn't need or expect it, but to each their own.

Unreasonable. I would never hear from my DH during the day..why would I need to unless there is a problem.

Massively unreasonable. I'd be really irritated if DH constantly rang me at work.

It really depends on the message. I text my partner an emoji sometimes, just because it's sweet and he does the same. Though there is no expectation to reply immediately. Of course, sometimes either of us might just text admin stuff or similar. But otherwise, nothing really. What are your expectations in terms of checking in?

Unreasonable I’m afraid. Let him get on with his job! I rarely hear from my DH during the day unless it’s a pinged WhatsApp about life admin.
If you need to talk to people in the day find a friend or family member who doesn’t mind.

sorry but yes YABU unless its an emergency.

Where is everyone getting 4 times a day from? She hasn't said that.

My partner and I work busy manual jobs but all jobs get breaks and we message whenever we have one, not because it's necessary or we are needy. We just like each other

She said he messages her when finishing work because she has left a few missed calls on his phone. A few means 3 or 4.

I've only read your posts @Purple100 and whilst I do think you are being unreasonable especially as the tone of your op suggests you're oissed off when he doesn't, I can kinda get it.

Being honest, being alone with 2 young kids is mindnumbing and sometimes we just need another adult to talk to.

You need to get out and meet other mums. Find baby groups, go to the park now the weather is getting better, find soft play where baby can sleep and 4 year old can make friends.

Find an outlet for you that isnt your kids or your DH.

YABVU. I totally get that you are lonely and need company and adult to hang with, but you need to find mum friends with kids at a similar age to yours to find that.

Yes, she has - she says she leaves several missed calls on his phone during the day.

I remember years ago musing how for the first time ever my husband hadn't phoned me at lunch time. Some posters really tried to bully me and put me down. I wasn't fussed by his non call. Just chatting about it. But I did think they were all falling over themselves to be cool.

This poster is clearly struggling a bit home all day alone with two small kids. Nothing wrong with wanting a call or text to have some interaction. Some posters are just vile.