wanting another baby

[hayley88]

iv got a son whos now one and i want to try for another baby. my partner says he does not want to at this moment in time but the reason is because of his mum and dad. Hes afraid that they will be to upset and disapointed in him. I have told him several time thats we are our own family now no-one elses opinion matters if we are happy then they should be. I say to him would u be happy if i got pregnant and he says yeah so i say well why cant we try......its really getting to me hes to concerned what other people think but all im concerned about is me and my family (my partner and child). i get lectured everytime i go to his house by his 15 year old brother sayin you cannot have another baby do you want to struggle all your life..... i dont struggle i cope very well and all i want in life is my family im sorry for blabbing on im just sick of everyone ruling our lifes and stopping us doing what we want to do im life.

Bollocks, NDTHW.

Hi Hayley88, Can't believe you're still responding to this thread cos you seem to be having negative comments thrown at you which I feel are a bit out of order to be honest.

Ok yes, you live with your parents. How do they feel about you having another baby ? cos really they're the only ones that matter whilst you are still living with them. Once you get your own place its nobodys business except yours and your partners. You sound like a really good mum and you obviously adore your little boy.

I understand what all of the comments are tryin to say about waiting for your own place etc. but it is so hard to get somewhere to live at the moment as there is just nowhere available in decent areas.

Hayley has actually been far more gracious than she needed to be.

lulu

I KNOW full well the kind of responses to expect on mumsnet. My point was Hayley doesn't!

Im prepared for these kind of things which is why I don't post anything too personal on here anymore because I was sick of this crap going on.

SHE however didn't, and I was upset and reacted for her, not myself.

And if my sister is not 'your sort' then I'm not either, after 4 years!

FWIW Hayley - I agree with those who advise you to wait until you are in your own home before deciding and also that while your DP is not keen it's really a non-starter anyway, you both need to be in agreement.

But you see NotDoing, if the thread had carried on like that it would not have ended in mudslinging. I meant the classism was aimed at HER personally not her opinions. Calling someone "dear" is very belittling..
She was taking onboard the advice. My god, I was a bloody nightmare at her age. I think Hayley, although a bit naive maybe, has tried to ask for help from people she obviously respects (or did).

fair enough, but perhaps, you could have warned her? i am sure she has discussed mumsnet with you, and you with her, and this very topic must have been one you have discussed?

i never said anything about you or her not being my sort

i am sorry you and she are upset.

Hayley, are you still around?

No, I didn't even know she knew mumsnet!

I knew she posted a buggy on here once! but this is the first time I have seen her post,

What a sad state of affairs when it is felt someone should be 'pre-warned' about this place

I hope the OP can shift through the ghastly vitriol, (if she can bear it; I certainly wouldn't be able to), and find the few nuggets of genuine and supportive advice.

For what it is worth, Hayley, I also think you can wait, just a little while. Think of it as special time that you can spend with your little one so that he is safe and secure before he has to compete for your attention with a newborn.

As for the other nonsense, just rise above it. Really, these types of vile,
curtain- twitching, judgemental, Daily Mail (my taxes! my taxes!) types are not worth your attention.

Disenchanted, tell her to come back if she still wants to talk. I hate the thought of people feeling too frightened to talk on here.

Disenchanted I often wonder whether to introduce my sister to MN - but despite the fact that she is an AMAZING mother, funny, intelligent and probably the most good-hearted woman I have ever known, she would get ripped to pieces on here because she might be a bit too fluffy or put XXs at the end of each post.

Pathetic really, isn't it "Ladies"?

Right I have to go out.

By the time I get back MN will probably have read my email to them and deleted my account.

So I guess this is good bye!

Ta-ra chucks

it is, but then if you don;t, you have to take the rough with the smooth, love and knuckles and all that

if i had a young friend, living with her parents, not very much money, DP not wanting to have another baby , etc. and she wanted to post her dilemma on here.. i would give her the heads up on what sort of minority reaction she could expect as well as all the help...

i know exactly what to post to get a reaction, should i choose to.. what will bring out the judgements, the finger pointing etc...

i think forewarned is forearmed

or you take what is given.

she did give back aswell, don;t forget.

Great, nice one - you know who you lot are - what the hell is happening here? We've lost a great MNetter again.

all the best with DC3, disenchanted.

JV, i agree up to a point.. but i think some straight talking is good... as opposed to

'wotevr you think is best hunnnnnnnnn xxxx''
you do get real opinions here

some are not at all edifying or filled with grace.

but that is a small minority

the vast majoirty of posts on this thread were helpful, insightful and kind. some less so. some were snobby and rude and hurtful and deliberately so.

Lulu, I see what you are saying but I don't understand your point.
The comments made were disgraceful, imo and are being challenged - it makes no odds whether the op has prior warning or not.
It's not her conduct that's the problem.

I have this impression of a number of broad chested, sensible shoe wearing, cane flexing school mistresses for some reason..
Lulu - life is about taking the rough with the smooth - but this thread went beyond that.

Lulu - noone is actually talking about the advice being offered. It's the superfluous, opportunistic bitching that is the problem.

no, i agree , the OP did nothing wrong. there were some hideous nasty comments.

i am not trying to justify them by saying the OP should have been warned, but i would tell anyone who mentioned they were going to join that there are flashpoints on MN .

does not make it right, nor do i think it is acceptable.

however, until people who make these sorts of comments are stoppped from posting, then forewarned is forearmed.

this thread had some very mean and nasty comments

but also virtually no acknowledging of the sage and sensible advice people gave.

i am not defending the nasty comments, just offering my take on things.

I almost feel like withdrawing and would, had I not had some excellent advice from people on a thread of mine recently. But I'm saddened by whats gone on here.

Just returned to this thread but had to respond to this by Twelvelegs:

"I think most people object to parents continuing to have more children and expecting benefits, even if it's tax credit"

I'm sorry but this is laughable. Whatever you think of them, tax credits are there to supplement peoples incomes. You may think of them as a handout or a freebie, but for many on low incomes they supplement their wages so they can afford to live. And that includes having a family if they wish. The credits go down the more you earn.

Do you think having children should be means tested somehow?

Do you know that you can receive some tax credits even if you earn up to about £57,000. DH and I are considering having a third child. He runs his own business. He pays tax. We receive tax credits because we are entitled to them. Should we wait until he earns above £57000 before we have another baby

What a bunch of snidey vipers you lot have come across as on this thread (the people who stood up for Hayley excluded).

You lot should be ashamed of yourselves. She only wanted a bit of advice on her relationship and you've hung her entire lifestyle out to dry.

No wonder Disenchanted wants to leave now.

I have to say I am a name changer as my old name was destroyed in one thread and I was too embarrassed to post as 'x' again. It was a good tester but I enjoyed some bits of MN that I came back. It is a little shocking when you first join, but I've learnt that I don't care if I mistype sometimes and wouldn't care if people talked about my spelling, grammar etc. People are sneery, kind, funny, rude, shocking, surprising and genrally entertaining.
Meemar, I do think having many children when receivig government help is irresponsible. Of course if shouldn't stop you having one or two but some people have 5 or 6.

How's that for typos????