wanting another baby

[hayley88]

iv got a son whos now one and i want to try for another baby. my partner says he does not want to at this moment in time but the reason is because of his mum and dad. Hes afraid that they will be to upset and disapointed in him. I have told him several time thats we are our own family now no-one elses opinion matters if we are happy then they should be. I say to him would u be happy if i got pregnant and he says yeah so i say well why cant we try......its really getting to me hes to concerned what other people think but all im concerned about is me and my family (my partner and child). i get lectured everytime i go to his house by his 15 year old brother sayin you cannot have another baby do you want to struggle all your life..... i dont struggle i cope very well and all i want in life is my family im sorry for blabbing on im just sick of everyone ruling our lifes and stopping us doing what we want to do im life.

Hayley: I really feel for you. This thread is hideous and I cannot believe some posters have been so condescending. Their criticisms reveal the poverty of their humanity rather than saying anything about you. Why not enjoy your time with your son for the next few years and then think about TTC again? Good on you and your partner for earning your own money and saving. I'm sorry your experience of MN was such a brutal one. Look after yourself.

CoteDAzur: Was your name chosen for its connotations of the upper-class privilege and good old fashioned values? Your crass snobbery is as antiquated as your assumption that your pseudonym will impress but maybe I'm being too judgemental with you and after all, I was a teenage mum whose grammAr (and who knows what else)might well come under the spotlight for criticism.

Goodness!

Well I for one would like to see this in Classics because I don't think I've ever seen a thread descend into such a brawl outside bf/bottle/fruit shoot threads.

Well aside from my personal opinions which have been echoed eloquently (and some not so eloquently), I do not think it such a good idea to have another child until your partner is ready to Hayley.

My Dh has taken some persuading to have another child, he simply wasn't ready and it didn't have anything to do with money or time etc. Sit down and have a chat with him, ask him if there are specific reasons why he doesn't want to have another child yet, maybe you can put a time limit on it, you know like when we've done X,Y or Z. Sometimes knowing what the future holds (a little bit) helps with the yearning because you can place it in the correct 'box' in your head.

With a bit of time I imagine your circumstances will become more favourable and then maybe he'll say yes.
Perhaps he's thinking his course will take up a lot of his time (mentally) and that he'd rather get that out of the way first. Learning to drive is rather stressful and expensive I found, but useful if you have a family.

Mumsnet is an odd place to be at times. Sometimes the posters are fabulously entertaining and supportive, you've had a bit of a baptism of fire tbh, but hey you won't be forgotten should you decide to return!

Good luck!

MsDemeanor - I did not imply hayley is not our type so shouldn't be on MN. I said BC is a gentler, younger site where people are more supportive to posts like hers.

Do please stop putting words in my mouth. That is not what I said and it is not what I meant:

By CoteDAzur on Tue 17-Jun-08 11:19:13
By the way, did you know that there is this really nice baby website called BabyCentrewhere mums are much younger, more huggy and kissy, and replies to posts such as yours are much more supportive. I feel you would like it better there.

Apparently it is snobby to think people should want to provide for themselves???

"If we as a famnily HAD to rent privately and council housing wasn't available to us we would be HOMELESS and thats the absolute truth."

OR you would not be having your third child at the age of 23. You would work, save, and have more children when you could afford them.

I realize this is a bit harsh, and I do apologize if that hurts your feelings, but it is the truth.

Your sister got very good and gentle advice for a very long time on this thread. Everybody said the same thing - you are not making much money as a family now, you are reliant on parents and taxpayer, wait a bit, study, work, live your life, save to afford your own place and provide for your children, then have another baby. You are very young, there is no rush.

Unfortunately, all she wanted was some hugs and support. Which is when/why I said "You might like BabyCentre better". And she probably would.

I did wonder how much of Hayley's motivation to have another child now is down to her sisters pregnancy?

Good last post CoteDAzur.

MN is a more open honest site with no hugs and kisses (unless your selling a pram lol) and I think thats part of its appeal.

I think the OP wanted everybody to say yes have another child and that her family/DP were being unreasonable.

There is also the possibility that another child would make the OP a higher priority for the council house she is "entitled" to.

CoteDAzur - Dont delude yourself, nobody has an issue with the advice being offered to the OP.
The problem is that yourself and others used the opportunity to be complete fucking bitches.

Do you not understand that?

Ha! Is this still trundling on? Surely we've reached reached drama queen saturation level by now?

Strop
Strop
Flounce
Flounce
oh woe is me
etc
etc

Oh no I spoke to soon!

It's common courtesy to write legibly, surely, if you want people to read it? Why should people have to navigate their way through endless paragraphs and decipher your deliberate misspellings?

Good writing matters.

As do good manners. I know which I rate higher.

i agree JV. spot on

am wondering what the motivation is for those who pick at the spelling and grammar of others... is it to help people drag themselves up out of their uneducated pits... or is self aggrandisement?

As a taxpayer, what I object to is my money being spent on subsidising people's internet connections (i'm talking about you JeremyVile). As a taxpayer Jeremy, I am subistising your bandwidth and I do not consider your histrionic rantings to be a very good use of that bandwidth. I also think you should say sorry to CoteDAzur for bullying her.

pembslass... you clearly have a point to make, and rather than being so aggresive in your stance, why not be a bit more polite? it is far more beneficial to your argument IMO

Hello Lulumama I'm not feeling aggressive at all, you're misreading my tone, i'm mildly amused.

i seeeeee...... well , it is hard to perceive such nuances of tone on t'interweb

this is what these:

were invented for!

I'm also slightly hungry but it's an awful long way downstairs

Pembslass - do you have me confused with someone else?

Cant wait for the explaination about how you are somehow paying my internet connection...or indeed anything else...

i think she was being humorous? dunno, this thread is beyond my remit !

This is not about class, she came on here asking an opinion and she got many responses and good advice and a little bit of bitchiness, (albeit after slagging off the posters who were honest to her). Pretty standard for MN,

and the term prole comes from proletariat pertaining to hard, honest work - highly inappropriate in this case