wanting another baby

[hayley88]

iv got a son whos now one and i want to try for another baby. my partner says he does not want to at this moment in time but the reason is because of his mum and dad. Hes afraid that they will be to upset and disapointed in him. I have told him several time thats we are our own family now no-one elses opinion matters if we are happy then they should be. I say to him would u be happy if i got pregnant and he says yeah so i say well why cant we try......its really getting to me hes to concerned what other people think but all im concerned about is me and my family (my partner and child). i get lectured everytime i go to his house by his 15 year old brother sayin you cannot have another baby do you want to struggle all your life..... i dont struggle i cope very well and all i want in life is my family im sorry for blabbing on im just sick of everyone ruling our lifes and stopping us doing what we want to do im life.

TBH I feel sorry for my sister!

Sorry that she had the nieveity to post on this forum thinking she would get anything but this!

Its a snobbish place on the whole it really is.
And Ive had enough of it,

I really don't know why I bother,

There are some lovely people, lovely posts that do make you feel good and give you faith in people again.

But on the whole I have found this place very stressful over the years and its got to the point where the bad out weighs the good greatly.

Maybe, in a few years time, I will have been able to pull my self out of my squalid council house, I will be able to afford a gas guzzling 4x4, I may own my own house and struggle valiantly for years with a mortgage I don't need or want,I may even have a vegtable patch a bunch of fucking chickens and then maybe, just maybe I will return.

But I doubt it.

I wish I'd had my kids younger too. Lot to be said for it. Especially if children make you so happy and you enjoy nurturing them so much.

Not everyone is the same Disenchanted. I'm one of those old hags with Boden in the wardrobe and much of this thread makes me sick.

Disenchanted.... do you think you would have felt the same way if this wasn't your sister? Doubt it....
Some people have been nasty but there has been some very reasonable points, I posted at the start of the thread with my veiws, I think untill she is settled and knows she can manage a house bills shopping transport ect she should not think about having another baby.

Posting a thread like this is obivously going to get some harsh comments but so do the majority of threads on mn people just have to accept that.

I have never seen anyone sneered and jeered at like this, or had their spelling sniggered at in the same way. It is bullying.

yes I would bogie, because Ive had countless threads like this aimed at ME

And Im sick of the attitude!

I'm not sure name calling really helps.

But disenchanted do you work? Claim benefits? If not then why worry?

there have been a lot of measured and reasonable points made

disenchanted, you have been here long enough to know what points of view and OPs and opinions will get a minority of posters angry and riled.

your sister has had a lot of good advice, between some of the more hard hitting posts.

i think it is quite , with the best will and no malice intended, childish to get upset when harsh opinions are metered out.

it would be more adult to counter them with a good rational argument, and your sister did tell everyone to f* off.. so , you know.. it cuts both ways

wish you both the best the though

I am not getting into my private life thankyou.

Well then perhaps I am childish.

I don't recall recall making any comment about anyones spelling?

If you feel you are being bullied by me then you should report the posts to the moderator (hit the little exclaimation button)

I think it's starting to loose the point here.
People have given advice regarding waiting until your sister has a place, DisEn. Which is fair enough, i honestly believe that they were looking out for her.

Don't let a couple of snobby posts put you off. there are lots of down to earth people on here who are trying to help.
I don't think Hayley was very happy that nobody was backing her up, rather everyone was encouraging her to wait until her and DP are settled.

Try to ignore the comments re: spelling etc, and help Hayley to see some of the POVs behind the posts.

Some of the ladies on here have struggled and are advising her to wait- not to prove anything but to make it easier on herself and her kiddies.

MN is helpful and most people are lovely , just a bit picky about grammar that's all!

look, all i am saying is that yes, you are young in years. you are also incredibly mature in many ways. BUT perhaps a little naive to thikn , after you have been on mumsnet a year or two, to think that there would not be harsh and judgemental comments made.

if your sister and you are confident in your choices and your lives, then this sort of thing should not matter a jot

it is childish to stamp your feet when you don;t get the response you want or expect, rather than taking the response and actually examining it and seeing if you can take something positive from it

life is not just about hearing what you want to hear, but i absolutely concede some of the points on here were unecessarily sneery, nasty and judgemental

but the majority of posts were sensible and reasonable

Strange that it's elicited such a massive vitriolic reaction...

I think Hayley?s refusal to bow down to the Boden brigade (sorry MsD) and command of text language has just made it a lot more interesting than the usual "My DH/DP has just clubbed me over the head with a sledge hammer in front of the kids, should I leave?" threads

[JJ now sits back and waits to be called an unsympathetic cow]

Vitriolic reaction from who? Would you count yourself among those being rude on this thread Jess? Just curious...

I'm part of the ebay brigade BTW;-sorry to ruin your grand reductionist theory :-)

there have been other threads like this , on similar topics, i don;t think hayley8 has been singled out

I'm starting to wonder whether I should buy something from Boden-am I missing out?

Lulumama is right
You partner doesn't want another baby yet. You need to listen to him and respect his views.
You came on the forum for advice and are now upset because it's advice she doesn't want to hear, It's understandable but it happens all day long on mumsnet to all of us whatever class and age we are. This is a tough site. As cote said if you want unconditional hugs and kisses go to babycentre.
But really, even though some people have been nasty we're not all out to get you. Two kids are a lot, lot harder work than one, especially so close together and you may well get a nasty shock. Everyone warned me when I had dcs relatively close together. I didn't believe them but they were right! It is way, way harder dealing with a stroppy toddler and a baby together than dealing with just one cute baby and it's often brought me to my knees. I'm sure you are a brilliant mum, but there is still no need to rush like this when you have so much time. Please ignore unkind comments and focus on the really positive advice here from people who don't want to crush you but wish you well

That isn't what Cote said. She was implying that Hayley was simply too common for mumsnet - she's not 'our sort' apparently
All that 'passes a cup of tea' 'bites tongue' 'sits on hands' shite, and those oh-so-kindly queries as to 'what's so funny' and about her spelling. Honestly, what a bunch of bitchy schoolgirls. I felt ashamed to be on the same site.

I must point out that one of the people sneering most at Hayley's spelling etc spelt 'grammar' as 'grammer'...people who live in glass houses ...

Some of the posts on this thread are an absolute disgrace

I feel just as embarassed as angry reading the bitching and sniping being directed towards this young woman.

Nasty, bitter people who practically cream their pants at the opportunity to degrade someone they perceive to be inferior to them. Well you know, if it makes you feel better about your own lives

Absolutely lacking in class and empathy.

I can't believe what I've been reading.
Come on guys, I joined mumsnet to help me, make me laugh, have the occasional lighthearted bitch about things but this has got out of control.
Hayley needed advice and she should have expected criticism but belittling her to the extent of suggesting she'd be more at home on bloody babycentre is really too much.
I've been given some amazing advice recently and have got to know quite a lot of you, but lets drop this classism please. - for that is what it is.
I've only been away from the UK for a few months and already I'm getting the middle-class shudder, that coming from someone who would be categorised as such at home.
If you're going to criticise spelling why don't you aim it all at Cod? Infact I'm going to try and get her on here...

Disenchanted, please stay with MN. Don't lose faith in us all.
BTW your kids are beautiful!