wanting another baby

[hayley88]

iv got a son whos now one and i want to try for another baby. my partner says he does not want to at this moment in time but the reason is because of his mum and dad. Hes afraid that they will be to upset and disapointed in him. I have told him several time thats we are our own family now no-one elses opinion matters if we are happy then they should be. I say to him would u be happy if i got pregnant and he says yeah so i say well why cant we try......its really getting to me hes to concerned what other people think but all im concerned about is me and my family (my partner and child). i get lectured everytime i go to his house by his 15 year old brother sayin you cannot have another baby do you want to struggle all your life..... i dont struggle i cope very well and all i want in life is my family im sorry for blabbing on im just sick of everyone ruling our lifes and stopping us doing what we want to do im life.

I suspect the second child would make the transition to a council house somewhat easier....

NotDoingtheHousework = the voice of reason. Although somehow I don't really think this thread is much to do with reason. It's far more exiting to jump up and down shouting about bullying, boden, class, chavs, proles and variations thereof.

Simple, innit.

sorry for being a good mother to my child and having a little bit of help. i wont be on again not that it matters to any of you x

I wish i lived with my mum. I'm sick of paying bloody fuel bills. I'd have someone to watch the kids for a few minutes, maybe even babysit and a disposable income.

She'll no doubt get rather a large shock when all the demands for money other than rent come through the door...I know I did.

However that's just part of life and the price you pay for independence.

You know it's occurred to me that no one reported any of the posts.......why?

hayley you still don't appreciate some people on here gave you good advice? Why get all woe is me if you genuinely wanted honestly?

I gave some good advice I thought

I wish you'd all quit trying to justify yourselves by banging on about this 'not the advice she wanted' nonsense.
I dont think anyone has an issue with honest advice - not even the OP (she accepted advice she probably didn't want to hear graciously).
She was, no doubt, upset by the sniping - as were others, including myself.

Pembslass - Still waiting for an explaination about you thinking your taxes pay my internet connection.

hayley, noone commented on your parenting and whether it was good or bad. I consider part of the package to provide for my children myself (with dh) and perhaps you don't? Part of that provision is a home of our own, again not important to you.
I understand you're really young and are probably not used to this sort of debate 'grown up' style and I say that in fairness not judgement. Friends in RL are never so honest or much more likely to swear or namecall, from what I can gather, at your age. I also consider that you are surrounded by the same standards that you set yourself, but I think you could be selling yourself short. Your dp seems to want a little more for you both and you should support him. I promise there is so much pride in doing things for yourself and never to have to consider what others think, a bit like you did in your OP only this time because you can not because you are spoilt.

Oh Twelvelegs, don't patronise the OP by suggesting she found this hard as it was a 'grown up debate'. It was anything but.

Actually, initially it was and her response was childish. There's something to be said for a little experience, in my book, it enables you to pass along advice. The OP may have well said 'Bovvered'.

JeremyVile: I fear any explaination would go right over your head-wooooosh wooooosh tweet tweet.
Oh, and yes that's MEANT to be patronising as in me patronising you.

Just thought i'd circumvent the hysterics before you start.

I'm sure it would Pemblass

"And aspiring to live in a council house is fundamentally wrong, social housing should be a last resort. That is one reason why there is such a shortage of social housing, because people think they needn't bother aiming to buy/rent a property of their own."

Totally disagree with this. Social Housing should not be a 'last resort'. Social housing should be available to anyone who needs it. There is a shortage because it was massively sold off in the 80s for the short term prosperity of the economy, and now we are paying the price.

As for 'aiming to buy/rent a property of their own'. Private rental is not having 'your own' property. It is not something to aspire to. It is massively unsecure compared with council tenancy, but is the only option for those who can't get a council place. It is also more expensive.

Buying for some people will never be a reality. And I'm not talking about people on the breadline, or on benefits. There are thousands of ordinary working people who cannot afford to buy a house in this country.

'Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.'
You have no idea how harly lives her life.
Seriously, some of you are judging a completely different person by your personal standards, which are not applicable to the whole nation last time I looked.
Peoples lives vary a great deal, neither one is necessarily the right one.

re "Your crass snobbery is as antiquated as your assumption that your pseudonym will impress"

I live in the South of France ("Cote d'Azur" in French). Your prejudices and insecurities re this part of the world and its inhabitants are not my fault.

Let's talk about my 'snobbery':

I was born and raised in a developing country, with a weak economy, no social safety net to speak of, and limited opportunities for women. I am one generation away from clay brick houses in the villages, where my grandparents were so poor that for a while they survived by selling makeshift rugs that they made with the threads of their mattresses.

I studied hard to get into good schools where I learned English at this level of fluency. Then worked, worked, and worked some more to stand on my two feet. Moved countries, learned another language, worked more. Met DH who was also financially independent. DD was born when we were both 34. We are financially secure, and so is she. And that is a result of years of study and hard work.

I am not saying everybody has to follow my path in life, but I am saying that a 20 year old girl can and should aspire to bettering her education, increasing her career opportunities, and standing on her own two feet before having more children she can't even afford and hope for others to support her.

But coteDazur, not everyone follows the same trajectory, it may not be what harly wants, and just because you value your life the way you have achieved it, there is no reason that she should want it that way for her life.
Maybe life is more for the living than the slaving

Ah, that's better.
Credit where it's due and all that

Apart from the spelling/grammar pokes and someone saying they doubted whether the OP would be with her baby's father in 5 years time, I think this has been run of the mill for MN.

I galls me that a 20 yo would not want to aspire to anything other than another baby given how hard my mum's generation fought so hard to get out of the ruddy kitchens.

However horses for courses.

I still think it's more to do with her sister being pregnant, but that's my personal opinion.

This thread went on for a long time before anyone mentioned hayley's memorable writing style, and that was only because she kept saying she didn't need any further education for her future 'career'

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By CoteDAzur on Tue 17-Jun-08 11:53:56
My best advice to you is to continue your education. Wherever you studied until age 15, it obviously wasn't a place where grammer, punctuation, or spelling was in the curriculum.
You are barely out of your teenage years. This is the time to invest in yourself, for your future.
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If anyone wishes to deny the validity of that advice, let's hear your arguments.

grammer grammar

Correcting myself like a true pedant

jeremyvile - thats priceless lol