sexual talk on the phone.WWYD

[speir]

I met a man last weekend.were both divirced and single.We chatted for the night, he walked me home and asked to meet the next day.we did and spent the whole day togetehr chatting and laughing.i asked a friend to find out a little about him.she came back to say he is known as a gentleman and absolutely lovely. His story added up, most importantly for me.
We're texting since and then this morning he asked if I want to hear a dirty joke, I said I would.it was tame. He was obviously testing the waters.I laughed and face palmed emoji and he returned to say perhaps it was a little early for thatstuff...
Were going for dinner tomorrow, he's booked it and is travelling to my town to bring me out.
I replied saying not to worry, I was well used to that with friends and family...thats their humour at times.
He then text to ask if Id heard of a particular sexual position!
I said ' I have' and that was that, he had to go to a meeting.
Now I love a flirt and am very on for that when more established, but is it a ll a bit early for that? We wont be staying together tomorrow night and thats a given as he's travelling and I have children at home, albeit adult kids. Regardless, its too early for me.
What are your thoughts here and what do I say to pull this back a little?
thanks for reading

To be fair on the guy asked you if you wanted to hear the joke and you told him yes. You told him.you were used to " dirty jokes". So you have hardly given the impression that you DON'T want to have sexually orientated conversations.

You need to communicate to this guy what you do or don't find acceptable or how quickly or slowly you want the relationship to progress or how is he supposed to know?

It would give me the ick, but then my ick-threshold is extremely low. My idea of a gentleman isn't someone who starts testing the fence to see how much smut I'll tolerate early on.

Most importantly, how do you feel about it? I'm sure there are lots of who would be fine with this, but if you're not, that's totally fine.

I don't think he's over stepped the mark, you were quite open with him re accepting jokes and banter. I think he's responded to your answers, if you'd have said no to the joke I'm sure he would have been guided by that too.

He asked and you said yes. I would expect at some point conversation to sometimes veer into sexual territory with someone you are exploring the option with, it’s flirting!

Thanks.You are right ,of course. I just was a bit shocked because he seemed so old fashioned and I even wondered how things might progress intimately if that were to be a thing! maybe ill just suggest we pull back on that until were sure were both comfortable with that and more importantly not talking to anyone else ! am I being prudish here?

I think he’s seeing if he can push your boundaries from very early on.

In my experience men who try and introduce sexual talk from the start are usually looking for a quick easy low effort shag. If you’re only looking for casual then it’s fine but if you want more I’d tread very carefully

Prudish is a label foisted on (mostly) women who have boundaries that others consider unacceptable. What others think doesn't matter here, you are allowed to have a line in the sand.

Did the question about a sexual position come out of the blue or was it linked to something you'd been talking about? For example was the bar called 'the missionary, or 'Bar 69' or something like that or did he just randomly ask?

I think i'd expect someone to be a bit more skilful at guiding the conversation than he appears to be. He should have taken his time and allowed the conversation to become more sexual organically. He has put you on the spot and created awkwardness which doesn't reflect well on him.

100% - it’s very dated misogynistic language used to insult women for having g sexual boundaries that men can’t push

We haven't even talked about what were looking for yet! I'm certainly not looking for a quick regular shag and I didnt get the impression that he was either but like me he is time and privacy poor but I do like the live apart together type relationship, ultimately.Just not a situationship. Help me phrase this please!!! i like that talk in a committed safe space, just not with someone ive only met a few times when I dont know what our intentions are

I would be totally honest and say you find the sexual stuff cringey and it’s made you wonder if you’re on same page.
Bat it back to him and his response will tell you what you need to know

To be fair, when i agreed to him telling me the tame sexual joke, I told him that I was well used to that type of banter and kind of laughed it off.He then asked me if Id heard of a specific position

what do you mean by bat it back to him please?

I’m lucky. My current online dating boyfriend has never sent me dick pics, he’s very respectful and doesn’t sex or just says stuff like making love or kissing you all over. I respond in kind.

Personally I think if you open up the convo to sexual talk/jokes then some men take this as a green flag to sext and do anything and maybe (yes this is wrong)treat you as a sex object.

Thats not a joke though. It's a really clumsy attempt to accelerate things to sexual chat.

I think I'd just say that you are enjoying his company and if he's got any genuine jokes, you're all ears but you don't engage in sexual chat with men you are not in a sexual relationship with.

Actually though, 2 other guys I met doing OLD also did same as current boyfriend, no sexting etc. I’m no prude either.

Like others I hate the word prudish, it’s used to insult someone who asserts boundaries.

Is the position he named something you’d do? I wonder why he’d mention it. If it’s something you’d never conceive of then it suggests that you’d be sexually incompatible.

I think that perhaps he's expecting more than dinner tomorrow.

Agree. It’ll be ‘fancy trying that position we discussed’

Sounds like he’s got poor social skills when trying to romance a woman, I think some men now think you should go straight to sex talk and it’s easy to do that behind a phone rather than to your face, and most likely hoping to exchange dinner with a shag. For some reason they think women actually enjoy being spoken to like this, the mind boggles!

Thanks. So how do I word it when I am interested in a sexual type texting thing but only in a committed relationship and without sounding intense . We have never discussed what this is or where we hope it’s going

I was thinking of saying that ‘ this is probably a good time to figure out what each other is looking for, ultimately’

You could say that. Be prepared though for him to maybe string you along.

I would say it’s a bit early to be exchanging sexual chat with a relative stranger and you’d rather get to know each other first