sexual talk on the phone.WWYD

[speir]

I met a man last weekend.were both divirced and single.We chatted for the night, he walked me home and asked to meet the next day.we did and spent the whole day togetehr chatting and laughing.i asked a friend to find out a little about him.she came back to say he is known as a gentleman and absolutely lovely. His story added up, most importantly for me.
We're texting since and then this morning he asked if I want to hear a dirty joke, I said I would.it was tame. He was obviously testing the waters.I laughed and face palmed emoji and he returned to say perhaps it was a little early for thatstuff...
Were going for dinner tomorrow, he's booked it and is travelling to my town to bring me out.
I replied saying not to worry, I was well used to that with friends and family...thats their humour at times.
He then text to ask if Id heard of a particular sexual position!
I said ' I have' and that was that, he had to go to a meeting.
Now I love a flirt and am very on for that when more established, but is it a ll a bit early for that? We wont be staying together tomorrow night and thats a given as he's travelling and I have children at home, albeit adult kids. Regardless, its too early for me.
What are your thoughts here and what do I say to pull this back a little?
thanks for reading

I'd actually just ignore the topic.

It's a bit difficult to word something like this, when you barely know him.

Don't agree with this

Think he's testing the water way too early.

And I'm not saying Op is. But some people may find it difficult to say no especially early 0n if they are trying to make a good impression.

You are not prudish.

You just have standards.

I know.. it’s awkward. Looking back on the exchange…
He asked if unwanted to be told that joke.
I said I did.
I returned a couple of laughing and cringe emojis
He said maybe it was too early to be texting stuff like that in response to.
I stupidly said I’m well used to it ( laughingly)
He then asked me if I had heard of that position.
I said I had.
He said he had to run to a meeting and he’d be back to the chat later.
Thats how it all played out.
Where to next?

i would just say that while you don't mind the odd rude joke, you need to get to know each other better before you're comfortable with more adult conversations.

Well, I had to Google "rodeo"!

If I was in your shoes I would not respond when he does the sexual banter thingy, If he pushes it or doesn't get the message I'd just say "sorry but it feels a bit strange to do sexual banter with someone I hardly know", his reaction to
this little boundary will tell you a lot about this man.

This said I would just casually ask him: "hey, what are you looking for?"

I have no issue saying no to anything physical until I’m sure of someone.
For example, when we continue conversation later and I ask him to rein it in, if he doesn’t , I’m cancelling dinner tomorrow .
i would like to acknowledge that we haven’t discussed what we’re looking for but worry that it would be too full on today that in text.

No this is giving me the ick. You don't even know him, you're not seeing him yet. He should be trying to get to know you as a person. Personally I would throw this one back.

Have you communicated since then.

I think just ignore it and talk about more neutral stuff until you’ve met face to face. If he tries to steer it back to sexual talk, then tell him it’s too soon for that sort of messaging.

From Google it looks like rodeo is reverse cowgirl. Never heard it called rodeo before!

I would say that it’s a bit early for sex chat, we are still getting to know each other and I’d like to find out if we’re compatible as people before seeing if we’re sexually compatible. Then from there you can talk about what you’re looking for because if he wants FWB it’s better to know now (get him to answer first or he might just agree with whatever you say)

In the first days of a relationship someone has to make the first move sexually. It can be awkward if you're not on the same page. It can be clumsy.
I cringe thinking about some of my attempts as a youth.
Why does everything these days have to be "oh he's pushing boundaries".
Unless you want a platonic friendship someone has to step up.

😂

They’ve not even been on a date yet so no one needs to ‘step up’

If you can't have an adult conversation about sex, including saying a clear no, then you shouldn't be dating.

Op, I would say, "I like to get to know someone before we start talking about sex, let's park that chat for now and see where the next few dates take us".

I’m very sexually open so this doesn’t give me the Ick at all as it’s important that we would be compatible sexually or there’s just no point in continuing this but I do wonder about it being too early and me being so bloody stupid to engage in this when in fairness, he suggested it was too early after he sent the first message !!!!

@speir

OP, I would honestly suggest going for lunch with this man rather than dinner.

What would he say if you suggested that?

I think that OP might not be in the UK, so wonder if that's what it's called where she lives.

Can I ask why you would suggest that? In view of us both driving etc ? Is us going our separate ways after dinner something that needs to be clarified this evening in your opinion ? Just curious, thanks

This made me chuckle. Bless him, good job you looked past it.

that’s quite a big leap from silly joke to sexual position question
I tend to agree.
I love this type of talk but only with a committed partner
That's tricky then as it will take time to know if that's the case and maybe he's kicked off that style of chat too soon.
He said he had to run to a meeting and he’d be back to the chat later.
I think he'll pick up where he left off with the sexy bants later then!
So...tell him to cool it.

This ^
Too much you soon.
Keep up your boundaries & expectations OP.
Be a bit more ladylike until you know him much better.
He would give me the ick.

Why do you keep saying this? Do you think women shouldn't go out in the evening? Why is dinner more dangerous?

I tend to agree…I’m curious also !

I don’t think he has done anything wrong here. If you like him and he otherwise seems to be a good person I would just keep it light and say ‘oi behave’ and then if he asked if you didn’t like that sort of chat just say ‘yes but a bit further down the line, I barely know you yet!’