sexual talk on the phone.WWYD

[speir]

I met a man last weekend.were both divirced and single.We chatted for the night, he walked me home and asked to meet the next day.we did and spent the whole day togetehr chatting and laughing.i asked a friend to find out a little about him.she came back to say he is known as a gentleman and absolutely lovely. His story added up, most importantly for me.
We're texting since and then this morning he asked if I want to hear a dirty joke, I said I would.it was tame. He was obviously testing the waters.I laughed and face palmed emoji and he returned to say perhaps it was a little early for thatstuff...
Were going for dinner tomorrow, he's booked it and is travelling to my town to bring me out.
I replied saying not to worry, I was well used to that with friends and family...thats their humour at times.
He then text to ask if Id heard of a particular sexual position!
I said ' I have' and that was that, he had to go to a meeting.
Now I love a flirt and am very on for that when more established, but is it a ll a bit early for that? We wont be staying together tomorrow night and thats a given as he's travelling and I have children at home, albeit adult kids. Regardless, its too early for me.
What are your thoughts here and what do I say to pull this back a little?
thanks for reading

I found your post very informative .
Thanks for posting .😊

Have you considered the OP may feel different? She may not want to talk sex with an internet stranger she's met twice in her life before getting to know him? I see nothing wrong with her wanting to keep it 'non sexual' at the begining. Of course he's testing the waters... For me this would be a small red flag but each to their own. He could just be a cheeky sod but it's the fact he's 'testing her' what makes me feel uneasy.

Yes… he’s definitely cheeky but my boundaries were good and tight and were respected .

What will you do when he tests those boundaries again? eg drops another sexual non-sequitur

You hope !
Like I don’t know , it’s very hard to say , but I really did find personally the guys who talk about sex too quickly weren’t the keepers being honest.
I’m just saying be wary , because it is a relationship you are looking for .
Of course sex is very important, but he went to chat about it very quickly, you thought so yourself OP , that’s exactly the reason you posted .

What would you expect her to do? Call 101?

If she changed the subject of the conversation last time he 'tested the waters' and he does it again that means he's thick as a brick. If he gets told she doesn't feel too comfortable talking sex with someone she just met and he does it again then he has no respect for her boundaries. Because men en are not mind readers so she needs to very kindly let him know that she's not up for sex banter.

Well you know, it sounds like a good date Speir.

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.

I think I know what you mean 😊 good luck !

Fall back plan must always be to trust your own instinct OP. If you are asking the question, that means you are uncomfortable with it and isn't the point of finding the right one for you, that is is like minded with the same principles and morals. So if this rings warning bells to you, walk away.

And now I am going to contradict myself. I am married now, but have never done one night stands, I have to be in a committed relationship to "sleep" with someone.

Options for women are must wider now on the sex front and its more acceptable for women to have casual sex than it was in my era. And I am grateful that women rightfully have that choice but its not for me. There are benefits to both lifestyles and they can be transitory periods. Personally I do not want a man that sees bed hopping as a hobby or past-time, I want someone who sees the benefits of long term committed relationships and is willing to wait for sex should I so feel that is necessary. I know that there are some men who feel the same about the woman they want in their life.

Internet dating etc wasn't around when I was very first single so you generally dated someone from your social or work circle so you knew their reputation, if not them. Yes there were exceptions but that was the norm. So if you are on a blind date or online, have do you assess where that person stands on their sexual activity, if they are on the same wave length? One sure fire way is to ask to bed them and you will know straight away, or perhaps make crass jokes to ascertain their reaction, and yes they may step over the line but I ask my self, how do you know?

Its difficult isn't it and I don't envy you. If my hubby dumped me, I don't know how I would cope with the dating scene now...although I did only meet him 15 yrs ago ONLINE. But I just knew we were on the same wave length and I had no doubts. I also spent several full days with him, which in reality was probably like a months worth of dates time wise before the subject came up in depth.

So yeah, follow your gut instinct. Know your own worth, because if you don't, they won't!