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Original poster

sexual talk on the phone.WWYD

160 replies

speir · 27/02/2026 10:58

I met a man last weekend.were both divirced and single.We chatted for the night, he walked me home and asked to meet the next day.we did and spent the whole day togetehr chatting and laughing.i asked a friend to find out a little about him.she came back to say he is known as a gentleman and absolutely lovely. His story added up, most importantly for me.
We're texting since and then this morning he asked if I want to hear a dirty joke, I said I would.it was tame. He was obviously testing the waters.I laughed and face palmed emoji and he returned to say perhaps it was a little early for thatstuff...
Were going for dinner tomorrow, he's booked it and is travelling to my town to bring me out.
I replied saying not to worry, I was well used to that with friends and family...thats their humour at times.
He then text to ask if Id heard of a particular sexual position!
I said ' I have' and that was that, he had to go to a meeting.
Now I love a flirt and am very on for that when more established, but is it a ll a bit early for that? We wont be staying together tomorrow night and thats a given as he's travelling and I have children at home, albeit adult kids. Regardless, its too early for me.
What are your thoughts here and what do I say to pull this back a little?
thanks for reading

OP posts:
Original poster
speir · 27/02/2026 12:52

He did say to the original joke… maybe it’s a bit too early for this ….

OP posts:
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 27/02/2026 12:56

toiletpaperthief · 27/02/2026 12:45

@speir I met a man last weekend.were both divirced and single.We chatted for the night, he walked me home and asked to meet the next day.we did and spent the whole day togetehr chatting and laughing.

Chatting for the night and spending a whole day with an internet stranger is a big no-no, basically you're sending him a message that you have not much else going on in your life and he's the most important thing all of a sudden. You're investing way too much and too soon on a total stranger. Now you're questioning these "uncomfortable snippets" he's doing.

Boundaries, you need to work on them much more, specially when doing OLD. He might be a lovely man but that's usually not the case with guys on dating apps.

Absolutely not necessarily a no no. Depends on the situation and how comfortable you feel with each other.

I met my DH on OLD. We messaged quite a lot, really clicked, met in person for our first date and we just had an immediate connection. We met again the next day and spent the whole day together. Why? Because we really liked each other and wanted to spend more time together. We were enjoying each others company and wanted it to continue.

There is no need to play games and not spend the next day together just because you don't want him to think he is the most important thing all of a sudden. Why would you do that if it feels right? Just go with your gut and how you feel. I think people overthink dating sometimes.

All the PP needs to do is just let him know that the sexual talk is just a bit too soon but tell him she is enjoying his company and getting to know him, and continue doing what she is doing. It will soon become clear if this is going to go anywhere or not.

Zov · 27/02/2026 12:57

This is JMO, but after nearly 60 years of putting up with men and their crap, including all the sexual harrassment and sexual innuendo I have had to tolerate all these years, I wouldn't stand for this. He barely knows you, he's met you once, and yet he's already telling you 'dirty jokes,' and asking you what your favourite sexual position is. Confused

He doesn't sound 'absolutely lovely' to me, or a 'gentleman,' he sounds like a bit of a perve. Sad thing is, most men are like this. I don't envy you. If I was to become suddenly single (after 35 years with DH,) I would NEVER want another man. Couldn't be arsed with men, and all their crap! Including how pervy most of them are. No matter what their age!

I understand some women who are younger - say under 45 - and have never been married, or have had relatively short marriages, and are now divorced and single at only 40 or so, may feel differently though.

TwistedWonder · 27/02/2026 13:00

I agree it’s not necessarily a red flag but by telling him it’s too soon, his response will tell you all you need to know

Personally I can’t think of much I’d find more cringey than exchanging sexual messages with a virtual stranger. That’s got no bearing on whether you’ll be compatible sexually when you get to know each other but it’s about staying firm on your boundaries

ForTipsyFinch · 27/02/2026 13:00

BauhausOfEliott · 27/02/2026 12:04

Just to illustrate that we're all different and what works for one woman doesn't necessarily work for another, I feel I must point out that if anyone described sex to me as 'making love', I would not consider myself 'lucky'. My bits would snap shut like a bulldog clip and I would instantly know we weren't sexually compatible.

OP, it sounds to me as if he's trying to flirt and is being clumsy about it. I think he was testing the water when he ask if he could tell you a 'dirty joke' and thought you'd then be OK with that type of flirting. I can see why he would think it was OK because you said you were used to that type of humour etc. I don't think it necessarily indicates he's 'only after one thing', but equally that doesn't make you a prude if you don't like it - you're entitled not to be comfortable with it and you should definitely tell him if you're not keen.

I think I would be inclined to do that in a lighthearted way - something like 'You're getting a bit ahead of yourself here - rein it in for now, please 🤐' or whatever.

Show quote history

The term ‘making love’ is a massive ick to me. There was a post on here recently a man said he messaged a woman saying ‘you’re a beautiful woman, I enjoyed making love to you’

Anyway, he made a post because he couldn’t figure out why she didn’t reply to that.

Wynter25 · 27/02/2026 13:02

Zov · 27/02/2026 12:57

This is JMO, but after nearly 60 years of putting up with men and their crap, including all the sexual harrassment and sexual innuendo I have had to tolerate all these years, I wouldn't stand for this. He barely knows you, he's met you once, and yet he's already telling you 'dirty jokes,' and asking you what your favourite sexual position is. Confused

He doesn't sound 'absolutely lovely' to me, or a 'gentleman,' he sounds like a bit of a perve. Sad thing is, most men are like this. I don't envy you. If I was to become suddenly single (after 35 years with DH,) I would NEVER want another man. Couldn't be arsed with men, and all their crap! Including how pervy most of them are. No matter what their age!

I understand some women who are younger - say under 45 - and have never been married, or have had relatively short marriages, and are now divorced and single at only 40 or so, may feel differently though.

Not all men are like this. I prefer to be sexual in the beginning. If we are not compartable in that way then its a big no.

GlasgowGal2014 · 27/02/2026 13:02

Next time he texts you something sexual I'd reply saying 'That's enough of that thanks' maybe add a laughing emoji if that's your style and then steer the conversation away. If he tries to return to sexual chat be more direct and tell him he's making you feel uncomfortable and whilst you don't mind a bit of banter you feel like it's too early to be talking about sex. How he reacts will tell you a lot about the kind of person he really is, and if he can't take that feedback then he's not worth your time.

BauhausOfEliott · 27/02/2026 13:03

toiletpaperthief · 27/02/2026 12:45

@speir I met a man last weekend.were both divirced and single.We chatted for the night, he walked me home and asked to meet the next day.we did and spent the whole day togetehr chatting and laughing.

Chatting for the night and spending a whole day with an internet stranger is a big no-no, basically you're sending him a message that you have not much else going on in your life and he's the most important thing all of a sudden. You're investing way too much and too soon on a total stranger. Now you're questioning these "uncomfortable snippets" he's doing.

Boundaries, you need to work on them much more, specially when doing OLD. He might be a lovely man but that's usually not the case with guys on dating apps.

You’re being very over the top. The OP liked him and they enjoyed spending time together. No boundaries were crossed. She wasn’t unsafe. They were two people who liked each other behaving like… two people who liked each other. If two people are both OK with spending time together and it feels natural and comfortable, that’s completely fine and normal.

RanchRat · 27/02/2026 13:05

I would find it very rude if someone I was not shagging asked me about any sexual position - fucking inappopriate.

Itstimeforachangeagain · 27/02/2026 13:09

LeebLeefuhLurve · 27/02/2026 11:30

Prudish is a label foisted on (mostly) women who have boundaries that others consider unacceptable. What others think doesn't matter here, you are allowed to have a line in the sand.

Thank you for that.

I'm to store your post in my memory because it's such a brilliant articulation of how I feel.

Zov · 27/02/2026 13:10

Wynter25 · 27/02/2026 13:02

Not all men are like this. I prefer to be sexual in the beginning. If we are not compartable in that way then its a big no.

Show quote history

That's why I said most men. Smile

Zov · 27/02/2026 13:12

BauhausOfEliott · 27/02/2026 13:03

You’re being very over the top. The OP liked him and they enjoyed spending time together. No boundaries were crossed. She wasn’t unsafe. They were two people who liked each other behaving like… two people who liked each other. If two people are both OK with spending time together and it feels natural and comfortable, that’s completely fine and normal.

Show quote history

If the OP likes him apart from this 'blip' she needs to message him and say (as a pp said) 'OK that's enough LOL, I'm not keen on this kind of talk.'

Mangelwurzelfortea · 27/02/2026 13:13

Just throw him back. This would give me the ick too. Plenty more fish in the sea. (Well there aren't but this one sounds rotten!)

toiletpaperthief · 27/02/2026 13:13

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 27/02/2026 12:56

Absolutely not necessarily a no no. Depends on the situation and how comfortable you feel with each other.

I met my DH on OLD. We messaged quite a lot, really clicked, met in person for our first date and we just had an immediate connection. We met again the next day and spent the whole day together. Why? Because we really liked each other and wanted to spend more time together. We were enjoying each others company and wanted it to continue.

There is no need to play games and not spend the next day together just because you don't want him to think he is the most important thing all of a sudden. Why would you do that if it feels right? Just go with your gut and how you feel. I think people overthink dating sometimes.

All the PP needs to do is just let him know that the sexual talk is just a bit too soon but tell him she is enjoying his company and getting to know him, and continue doing what she is doing. It will soon become clear if this is going to go anywhere or not.

Show quote history

You invested too much too soon on a total stranger and it worked out for you, you were lucky because he turned to to be a nice guy, good for you, but do keep in mind that's not the norm. I'm tired of reading OLD horror stories on MN of women who invested too much too soon.

PrettyPickle · 27/02/2026 13:16

If he is reputed to be a gentleman, then take him at face value until you know differently. He could be testing your boundaries to find out if you are after a quick shag (because it works both ways) or a relationship and he will judge accordingly. I never liked to consider men that bedded anything available as a potential long term partner, I am not wired that way and many men think in the same way about women.

If you are not after a quick shag or friends with benefits, set your boundaries, jokes are ok but I'm not offering myself on a plate, and if he continues pushing, walk away.

Know what you want and stick to it.

BauhausOfEliott · 27/02/2026 13:17

Zov · 27/02/2026 13:12

If the OP likes him apart from this 'blip' she needs to message him and say (as a pp said) 'OK that's enough LOL, I'm not keen on this kind of talk.'

Show quote history

Exactly.

Zov · 27/02/2026 13:20

@PrettyPickle · Today 13:16

If he is reputed to be a gentleman, then take him at face value until you know differently. He could be testing your boundaries to find out if you are after a quick shag (because it works both ways) or a relationship and he will judge accordingly.

Urgh now THIS would give me 'the ick!' Confused

Seeing if I like dirty talk and seeing what sexual positions I like to see if I'm just after a quick shag. WTAF?!

And honestly, the way he has been speaking to the OP so far, does NOT suggest he is a 'gentleman!'

But as I - and several others have said - if the OP likes him, (and everything else seems OK,) she should just let him know she doesn't want the dirty talk.

I probably wouldn't want to see him again, but then I have a low tolerance threshold for stuff like this.

.

Mosaic80 · 27/02/2026 13:21

So, am I right that he told you a tame but dirty joke. You laughed, all ok. As a separate thing he then brought up whether you’d heard of a sexual position?

If so, that’s quite a big leap from silly joke to sexual position question. I’d proceed but with caution. Id bat any more sexual comments off and maybe retreat if too many more. And I’d just come out in person and say “so, what sort of thing are you ideally looking for?” And judge his response and reaction.

Netcurtainnelly · 27/02/2026 13:25

speir · 27/02/2026 10:58

I met a man last weekend.were both divirced and single.We chatted for the night, he walked me home and asked to meet the next day.we did and spent the whole day togetehr chatting and laughing.i asked a friend to find out a little about him.she came back to say he is known as a gentleman and absolutely lovely. His story added up, most importantly for me.
We're texting since and then this morning he asked if I want to hear a dirty joke, I said I would.it was tame. He was obviously testing the waters.I laughed and face palmed emoji and he returned to say perhaps it was a little early for thatstuff...
Were going for dinner tomorrow, he's booked it and is travelling to my town to bring me out.
I replied saying not to worry, I was well used to that with friends and family...thats their humour at times.
He then text to ask if Id heard of a particular sexual position!
I said ' I have' and that was that, he had to go to a meeting.
Now I love a flirt and am very on for that when more established, but is it a ll a bit early for that? We wont be staying together tomorrow night and thats a given as he's travelling and I have children at home, albeit adult kids. Regardless, its too early for me.
What are your thoughts here and what do I say to pull this back a little?
thanks for reading

Pull back he's no prince is he.
Sounds like he just wants his leg over too.
Some people have no idea.

TheSquareMile · 27/02/2026 13:28

speir · 27/02/2026 12:51

He definitely wouldn’t t expect that as we both don’t want others staying overnight at present , generally .. that’s been said

How will he get home afterwards, OP? Will he be driving?

Will you have your car with you, so that you can get yourself home?

I think that lunch rather than dinner would be a better option at this point.

Fruititty · 27/02/2026 13:33

Just out of curiosity, which sexual position did he ask about?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 27/02/2026 13:35

speir · 27/02/2026 12:52

He did say to the original joke… maybe it’s a bit too early for this ….

Please can you quote people when you answer.

Click on the QUOTE button which is on the left under every post. Thanks.

sexual talk on the phone.WWYD
Original poster
speir · 27/02/2026 13:36

I’ll be driving , he’ll be driving.
position is rodeo . Can I have a quick phrase to put an end to it but also introducing idea of what we both want separately please? I love this type of talk but only with a committed partner . All suggestions welcome !

OP posts:
Original poster
speir · 27/02/2026 13:37

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 27/02/2026 13:35

Please can you quote people when you answer.

Click on the QUOTE button which is on the left under every post. Thanks.

Show quote history

Thanks. I’m new to this so apologies.

OP posts:
thewonderfulmrswatson · 27/02/2026 13:39

speir · 27/02/2026 11:56

Thanks. So how do I word it when I am interested in a sexual type texting thing but only in a committed relationship and without sounding intense . We have never discussed what this is or where we hope it’s going

"I'm not really wanting to have this topic brought up right now (name) please. I'd like to get to know you personally before we starting to talk intimately"