Can there be friendship between a man and a woman?

[Pciuc]

I am a woman and my other half has a friend (single woman) who he has introduced me to at the beginning of our relationship. He has been very open and assured me that nothing ever happened and there would never be anything there as they are not attracted to each other.
I do not have male friends and never encoutered something like this in past relationships.
I do not want him to stop seeing her, I trust him but I do not want to be around, I want him to continue the friendship but far from my sight( avoident I know, but just because I am fearful of misreading something or getting hurt).
What does everyone things? Can there be a friendship between a man and a woman?
How can I explain to him the fact that I do not mind him seeing her but I do not want to be there without sounding crazy?

I go on holiday with a mixture of men and women. We drink have fun and as far as I am aware nothing else.

Well yes, they're human beings.

Do you really think that men are only there for sexual relationships?!

That's pretty demeaning to them tbh. Some of my best friends over the years have been men.

Obviously you know they can because your partner's close friend is female and it's completely platonic. Why not try and make friends with her yourself? And of course you can have male friends.

Of course there can.

Yes but it depends on the man and woman themselves, some are more clear headed and respectful of boundaries.

Without delving too far into pop psychology, @Pciuc, do you yourself enjoy flirting with men such that it doesn’t really cross any boundaries but you feel that it would make your partner uncomfortable were he to witness it?

Ofc they can. To assume they can’t be only makes sense if you don’t take into account whether those involved even find each other attractive. It’s like saying people have no control or preferences, so a man and a woman spending time together will always end in wild sex, which is ridiculous.

However, I have seen a lot of situations where the man is hanging around hoping for a shag, and is at the woman’s beck and call, she knows this and exploits it endlessly. But this dynamic isn’t true for all male/female friendships.

Good Point! Not at all. I only have eyes for him. I do not have any attraction for any other man.
This is something that has been drilled in my head as my ex was very possessive so I totally avoided finding myself in that position.

Of course they can. One of my best friends is a man and we’ve been really close for 20+ years without any issues.

There are boundaries especially when it comes to each others partners (when other of us is dating) but I wouldn’t date someone who had an issue with my friendship

In my experience, no.

And I am not flirtatious.

For sure they can. I have a male friend who I have lunch with or just coffee and catch up with regularly and theres never been a thing between us. I am single and he in a relationship and never even considered anything other than platonic friendship.

Why not just make her your friend too? Wouldnt that be easier? Get together as a three? (Or four if she has a boyfriend)

Do you think that by never wanting to be there when they're together you are building this up into something it isn't?

If you go along and meet her, spend time with them you might hit it off and the three of you become good friends. By not going you'll always be wondering what's going on/imagining the worst.

You say you trust him but you don't really, do you?

Of course they can. I have a good male friend who has a partner. He's just a friend like my other friends.

That is true, I might be building something that is not there.
I am asking because this is very new to me. None of my 2 exes had a close girlfriend.
I trust that he will not do anything, however you never know what happens after a few drinks and if she was to make a move on him.

Of course — two of my closest, oldest friendships are with men. Ruling out half the human race as potential friends purely on the grounds that you could technically have sex with one another is a bit mad.

Also, I prefer to meet my friend without his partner (although I like her and we get on) as it just alters the dynamic - eg. if we're reminiscing we'd have to explain and give a long backstory so as not to leave her out. She comes along occasionally, and that's fine and seems to work sll round.

For heaven’s sake, @Pciuc — I’m sure he’s not that irresistible that this woman is waiting to pounce. Think of all the men in your life that you don’t want to have sex with, drunk or sober, and who don’t want to have sex with you.

"I trust that he will not do anything, however you never know what happens after a few drinks and if she was to make a move on him."

So you don't trust him. If you trusted him you would believe he would reject any advances.

The simple answer to stop imagining scenarios and go along and get to know her.

Yes it’s possible but all these situations are individual
I have a male friend of over 30 years and it’s never caused issues
my past relationship broke down due to his female ‘best friend’ . But there were loads of red flags . He wouldn’t let me meet her for a start so your partner has already had the decency to respect you and introduce you to each other .

Yes. One of my closest friends and my drinking buddy of 30 years was a male ex-colleague. There was never anything the slightest romantic between us, we just had the same sense of humour and got on great.

Sadly he died recently and I had to stay away from the funeral because his other half still didn't think our friendship was innocent after 31 years. 🙁Difficult but she was grieving too and didn't want me there.

Why do you think this woman is going to make a move on your boyfriend when drunk? Would you make a move on a man who isn’t your boyfriend when drunk?

Why would you not want to get to know his friend? In time, she will become your friend too hopefully 🤷‍♀️ when I met DH, I got to know all his friends and he got to know mine. Now I would say his friends are also my friends and my friends are also his. It's a very odd stance to take that he has to conduct his friendship completely out of your sight - presumably he's not allowed to mention her in your presence then?

My XH was very suspicious if I had male friends and actively tried to put a stop to our friendships. We met for coffee or lunch, nothing more. One was an old school friend, the other a workmate.

His work colleague's wife had a male friend she went to concerts with, weekends away etc - much more than I ever did. When I asked him why he deemed that to be OK he said, 'Because he's gay" 🙄

I think so and hope so. I am recently single and have remained very close to a male joint friend we had, much more so than ex. I have leant on him quite a lot after the devastation of the break up. I do wonder if it's appropriate and worry a bit about what people think, especially as sometimes people think we are an item. We have never gone anywhere near anything improper and I think very highly of his wife. I try to maintain the friendship with both of them equally, but she has her own friends. They are a rock solid partnership, and if anything shifted with that, I hope I would back away from the friendship because for me the comfort in it is it's utter platonic-ness.

But on the other hand, the reason ex and I broke up was because of his "friend for 30 years" who he kept from me. Turns out he's been shagging her throughout most of our relationship. But hey, it was my issue - being suspicious and insecure about a friendship of 30 years. Cunt.

So you don’t trust him to keep it on his trousers after a few drinks? That’s basically what you’re saying.

This is a YOU issue and something b you need to deal with if you want a healthy adult relationship.