Am I in the wrong for wanting to continue yearly holidays with my son but my boyfriend who’s always invited but doesn’t want to come

[Welshmumkate]

So, I have always taken my son on holiday, my boyfriend of a few years isn’t happy. He’s been invited to come with us but says he doesn’t have the money (he earns more than me), anyway, I’ve said I’m not going to stop giving my son memories and will still take him away but now he turns it into an argument all the time? Am I wrong for still wanting to take him away? My mindset is I can always make money but I won’t always have the time. I even booked a trip to the USA for him and he doesn’t want to go … he makes me feel bad and I guess I just want some validation

Err, surely you don't actually need a bunch of strangers to tell you that it's totally ok for you to spend your money on making memories with your son?!
This man is a huge red flag.

Do you live together? Does your boyfriend want you to holiday with him or save money for something together?

Obviously he's being unreasonable unless you've missed out huge chunks of context - like you're meant to be saving for a house/wedding/whatever or you always pleas poverty and he has to sub you.

I'm sure you know that your son comes first - but how old is he and how long have you been with your DP?

Your son comes first.

your boyfriend sounds miserable, what does he add to your life?

How old is your son? If he’s 45 your boyfriend might have a point. Even so, he sounds like a miserable arse/controlling twat if wants to dictate your relationship with your son. Why are you persevering with the relationship?

I can understand that your Bf might want to go on holiday with just you, rather than with you and your ds.

Do you ever go on holiday with your Bf?

But he has no right to interfere with or get angry about your holidays with your son. Red Flag.

We don’t live together, he just seems very uninterested in going away, also not saving for anything either :/ he hasn’t been away in a long time whereas I go away a lot, my eldest studies abroad and even visiting him it’s like the worst thing in the world. I know how this seems as I write it out, I’m just always made to feel in the wrong but I don’t want my son missing out on seeing the world because he’s not interested?

no he doesn’t want to go just us he just doesn’t want to go at all, and isn’t happy that I’m going either - very miserable man

Not that it makes any difference but how old is your son?
Your bf is displaying a big red flag that he’s controlling and also resents your son, get rid before he makes you miserable.

So your boyfriend doesn’t like your son much, doesn’t want to spend time with him, make shared memories that include him, doesn’t see you as a family unit, doesn’t understand that you have responsibilities towards your child that transcend your relationship with him.

I hope he has some redeeming features, because it seems to me he is starting from a very low baseline here.

😂 no he’s only 11, I’m visiting my eldest who studies abroad in the next few months and that’s apparently me being selfish! I have asked him to get a passport and he come along too but no, doesn’t want to

Once both your sons are grown and not holidaying with you anymore then who do you get to holiday with? Time to move on and find yourself a partner with similar interests, it'll be a long miserable retirement with this one.

@Welshmumkate omg your son is so young … it’s good you take him on holidays, it’s the best money you will ever spend because of the memories. Your boyfriend sounds like a joyless and empty soul! I still took my dd on holiday last year and she’s 19. She can come on holiday with me as long as she wants to and I will pay for it for as long as I can afford to. I have a younger dd and I couldn’t think about Leaving one behind. I go on a seperate holiday with just my partner.

He is being utterly unreasonable.

He can make his own decisions about his own time. He doesn’t get to control yours.

It’s your son, your money and your time. I’d be very wary of a grown man who is jealous of me spending time with my own son.

What good stuff does he bring to your life?

I’m visiting my eldest who studies abroad in the next few months and that’s apparently me being selfish!

Why are you with this man, who you describe as miserable, and who is actually the one who's selfish?

There's no way I could love someone who had his attitude to me visiting my own child, who's away from home.

I’ve just seen that your son is 11!!!

Get rid of him. Really. He’s not a nice man.

If he's a miserable man what does he bring to your life that is positive?

He’s doing his best to drive a wedge between you and your sons. Of course you and your younger ds can visit your older ds abroad and go on holiday. That’s normal. Your b/f’s behaviour is controlling. Why are you putting up with it?

This is crazy and I am sure that you know it is.

If you love to travel then this man is not for you he will just make your later years miserable.

At the moment you are not even living with him and he is trying to control how you spend your money and how you parent your children. Imagine how much worse it would be if you actually had to live with him.

Just dump the controlling twat and go on holiday whenever you want, without worrying what a sulky man is going to say. Thank god you don't live together, so much easier to cut out of your life.

Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling prick and both you and your sons would be better off without him around.

What business is it of his how you spend your money?

And your son is 11! Of course you must take him on holiday as often as you want to and of course you must visit your other son when you like.

What exactly is the point of this man? You’ve said yourself he is miserable….

Well dump him then.

He doesn’t get any say in your life. He should have become an ex the first time he tried to be controlling about it. Get rid of him he’s pathetic.