Am I in the wrong for wanting to continue yearly holidays with my son but my boyfriend who’s always invited but doesn’t want to come

[Welshmumkate]

So, I have always taken my son on holiday, my boyfriend of a few years isn’t happy. He’s been invited to come with us but says he doesn’t have the money (he earns more than me), anyway, I’ve said I’m not going to stop giving my son memories and will still take him away but now he turns it into an argument all the time? Am I wrong for still wanting to take him away? My mindset is I can always make money but I won’t always have the time. I even booked a trip to the USA for him and he doesn’t want to go … he makes me feel bad and I guess I just want some validation

Nothing the matter with him not wanting to go on holiday. He obviously doesn’t prioritise holidays so leave him to it.

YANBU. Your bf being annoyed about this is concerning. I've been married a long time, and my husband is fine with me taking my DC away on my own if I wanted to. Ignore him and go anyway. I don't understand what there is for him to be annoyed about - he doesn't want to go, so you're going with your son on your own! It's his problem.

I'm sorry. You're doubting yourself so much that you think you might be unreasonable taking your child on holiday because an unrelated, non paying person sulks whenever you do?

And you yourself call him a miserable man.

And you're willingly in a relationship with him. You have free will, and yet you are choosing to continue in a relationship with someone you know is miserable, manipulative and sulky.

Read all that back. I'm not trying to be harsh, but the answer is pretty obviously staring you in the face, right??!

If it's not, I'll help: get rid.

Thank goodness for your children's sake he doesn't want to go!

I hope he has a giant appendage and dozens of other redeeming features OP!

Oh my god of course it’s not ok, please please dump this loser.

The only thing you're wrong about is continuing your relationship with this walking red flag of a man-child. If he's behaving like this over a mother taking her 11 year old child on a lovely holiday, then you can be assured that things aren't going to get any better from here!
I hope you and your children have a wonderful time together.

Of course still take your son.

DH still takes his son away every year on their own and he's 20!

Ffs look at the red flags and get rid of this guy

I think you should cancel the holidays and spend more time with your bf. It's normal to be jealous of your partner's children. Maybe there is a camp you can put your son in?

Did you really think someone would say this? I'm wondering if you have been heavily gaslit by this wonderful bf to the point that you have to ask a question like this on mn. Glad you did though- as you can see we are all telling you he's a miserable wanker who you would be better off without.

Keep going on holiday with your child.

And you are still with the boyfriend because.....

You cannot ignore or minimise the many red flags that fly around him. I would also think your DC cannot abide him and wonder why on earth you are with him at all. You're too good for him but he has likely got you thinking otherwise. Was your previous relationship like this too?.

Tbh even if the son was 45, OP wouldn’t be doing anything wrong.

the fact her DS is 11 makes it even more shocking but regardless of the age, he’s being an absolute dick anyway

A man who gets angry because you take your 11 year old son on holiday is not a man to have in your life!

This is really malevolent, toxic behaviour.

Come on, OP, put your relationship with your child first and foremost with the joy and love with which we take our kids on holidays, create a happy home and family, you know… normal parenting when things are happy and healthy.

And top tip; the answer is NOT to persuade this miserable controlling man to come with you! Your poor Ds doesn’t deserve that.

Sorry to state the obvious, but;

• He doesn't want to save towards anything with you. Fine if you're happy with something casual, but you sound bothered by it, so I'm guessing not.

• He's "miserable".

• He's controlling.

• He's tight.

• He's weirdly jealous of you spending time with your son.

• He makes you doubt yourself over very normal and usual things.

Is he absolute fire in bed, and the life and soul at parties? Does he shower you with affection and lavish gifts? I'm struggling to think of redeeming qualities good enough, to make up for his considerable flaws...

JFC just dump your boyfriend. He sounds absolutely horrible.

His values don’t align with yours. Book the flights, enjoy the time. Find someone more on your level?

He sounds like a misery guts who wants you to be miserable too

If you are describing him as a miserable man then maybe it's time to let him go and be miserable on his own. What is he bringing to your life?

Can’t see how it’s wrong - you don’t have to invite him either. No matter what age your child.

would you be better off without a miserable thing ?

I will add to the chorus…. It doesn’t sound like this guy adds anything to your life, in fat he makes your life worse. And his controlling and trying to shut down your openness, adventurous spirit, and desire to have a close relationship with your sons is sinister, potentially abusive.

just for perspective, my DH is my DC’s stepfather… does tons for her, and sometimes comes on holiday with us. But he always, proactively encourages me to go off on my own with DC any time I want, because he knows it is good for me and them.

for a man to not want to come, but also want to shut down you going- staggeringly selfish and controlling. Any healthy minded person who loves you and cared about your sons would encourage you to go.

Oh my God OP l, I just saw your update, you need to throw the BF into the bloody sea! How dare he try to stop you having holidays with your 11 year old son. What an absolute scumbag!

Oh OP just drop this twat. Life is too short.
Anyone who said I couldn´t make memories with my daughter would be shown the door. Jealous of an 11 year old, not a good look.

Then why are you with him?

He doesn’t want to go with you but doesn’t want you to go at all. It’s just odd controlling and negative behaviour.

Not everyone will agree but I think YABU to invite him on holiday either you and your DS in first place.

This should be YOUR time making precious memories with your kids without a bloke who isn’t related to them being dragged along.

Thats regardless of the fact this one is a joy sucking vampire who shouldn’t be anywhere near your life anyway.

Your son comes first above him and you don’t even live with him, what a cheek of him to even start an argument about going on holiday with your son. I’m guessing he’s controlling in many other ways. I’d dump him and live a carefree life.

Your family enjoys spending money on holidays, he doesn't. I know lots of people who don't spent their money on holidays, but on other stuff.

But there are no shared interests between your family and this man, so why bother continuing the relationship?

You seem to want to be a family unit, he doesn't. Again you have different interests and beliefs, so just end it and find someone who is willing to be a stepfather.