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Original poster

Fallen out with mum

692 replies

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 21:52

I am getting married in the summer. My mum met a man 3 months ago and is now in a relationship with him. She asked me after 1 week if he can come to the wedding and I said no. We had a big argument and later agreed to leave the conversation until nearer the time.

between then and now we’ve had 3 further arguments about him coming and agreed on him coming to the evening as a compromise. My venue has now informed me evening guests aren’t allowed as it’s a twilight wedding. ( never planned to have evenings guests, he would be the only one)

I told my mum and she said she is very disappointed and it will be a hard day for her. I said I want her to be happy and present on the wedding day and she said she can’t guarantee that and she’s allowed to feel how she feels.

i told her she should be as happy and the day should be as special with or without him. I don’t understand how someone she has known 3 months holds so much importance on her daughter’s wedding day.

I said to her maybe it’s best we leave him coming because it’s causing added stress and strain on our relationship when I want to be happy and excited in the lead up to the wedding. She started shouting at me, told me to fu*k off twice and hung up the phone on me. In my 30 years she has never spoken to me like this.

I am so upset as the day shouldn’t be about him. I just want my mum to be happy and present regardless of who else is/isn’t there. She is meant to be walking me down the aisle, getting me in my dress ect but I feel like this will change between us after this.

please share your opinions. Thanks

OP posts:
watchingthishtread · 02/02/2026 23:15

I don't understand. Why can't she bring a plus one?

I know there's been a falling out now but why were you so dead set against it from the beginning? It's not unusual for people to bring a plus one to a wedding who doesn't know the bride and groom.

crazeekat · 02/02/2026 23:16

So she doesn’t get her way do she tell op ( who she has an amazing relationship with) twice to fuck off? She sounds great.
stick it out and say no. If she is nervous about seeing her ex with his wife of 26 years then she has issues. She needs to be getting a grip of herself and not being a brat. She’s going to wreck this day. I’d give her warning if anything kicks off she will be leaving. Total child.

woolshop · 02/02/2026 23:19

crazeekat · 02/02/2026 23:16

So she doesn’t get her way do she tell op ( who she has an amazing relationship with) twice to fuck off? She sounds great.
stick it out and say no. If she is nervous about seeing her ex with his wife of 26 years then she has issues. She needs to be getting a grip of herself and not being a brat. She’s going to wreck this day. I’d give her warning if anything kicks off she will be leaving. Total child.

Agree with this

Diarygirlqueen · 02/02/2026 23:19

Aww I think you're being very mean and extremely rigid.
Will anyone really care?

Your father has moved on with a long marriage, put yourself in your mums shoes.
A fight over nothing really, you'll ruin the lead up to your wedding for being so stubborn.

HappyFace2025 · 02/02/2026 23:21

FWIW I think you are being very unreasonable. I would hate to attend one of my children's weddings alone when I had a partner. Surely there will be plenty of time to meet him before the wedding. She shouldn't have let rip at you but what's done is done. Make up with your mum and stop being a bridezilla.

watchingthishtread · 02/02/2026 23:24

I am trying not to be stubborn

You've dug your heals and not budged from the first time she mentioned it. How exactly are you trying not to be stubborn?

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:25

watchingthishtread · 02/02/2026 23:24

I am trying not to be stubborn

You've dug your heals and not budged from the first time she mentioned it. How exactly are you trying not to be stubborn?

Have you read the thread?
after 1 week of her knowing him I said no but I said he could come as a evening guest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:26

crazeekat · 02/02/2026 23:16

So she doesn’t get her way do she tell op ( who she has an amazing relationship with) twice to fuck off? She sounds great.
stick it out and say no. If she is nervous about seeing her ex with his wife of 26 years then she has issues. She needs to be getting a grip of herself and not being a brat. She’s going to wreck this day. I’d give her warning if anything kicks off she will be leaving. Total child.

Thank you for your feedback

OP posts:
LemaxObsessive · 02/02/2026 23:26

I’m 100% with you, OP. Her behaviour is utterly appalling. DO NOT GIVE IN! Like you said, she cannot act like this and then get her own way, that’s rewarding bad behaviour.
Personally, I’d uninvite her to the wedding. Now that she’s thrown so many tantrums over this, she’s only going to create an atmosphere on the day. You can’t risk that.

TheLemonLemur · 02/02/2026 23:26

Would the venue really know if you had 1 extra person in the evening?

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:28

TheLemonLemur · 02/02/2026 23:26

Would the venue really know if you had 1 extra person in the evening?

I did think this myself but I wouldn’t want to risk it. For example If there was fire, 1 person wouldn’t be counted for and I couldn’t risk that

OP posts:
Vivi0 · 02/02/2026 23:28

Why haven’t you met him yet?

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:30

Vivi0 · 02/02/2026 23:28

Why haven’t you met him yet?

we've arranged 3 dates and each time he has cancelled because something has come up?

OP posts:
Contrarymary30 · 02/02/2026 23:32

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 21:52

I am getting married in the summer. My mum met a man 3 months ago and is now in a relationship with him. She asked me after 1 week if he can come to the wedding and I said no. We had a big argument and later agreed to leave the conversation until nearer the time.

between then and now we’ve had 3 further arguments about him coming and agreed on him coming to the evening as a compromise. My venue has now informed me evening guests aren’t allowed as it’s a twilight wedding. ( never planned to have evenings guests, he would be the only one)

I told my mum and she said she is very disappointed and it will be a hard day for her. I said I want her to be happy and present on the wedding day and she said she can’t guarantee that and she’s allowed to feel how she feels.

i told her she should be as happy and the day should be as special with or without him. I don’t understand how someone she has known 3 months holds so much importance on her daughter’s wedding day.

I said to her maybe it’s best we leave him coming because it’s causing added stress and strain on our relationship when I want to be happy and excited in the lead up to the wedding. She started shouting at me, told me to fu*k off twice and hung up the phone on me. In my 30 years she has never spoken to me like this.

I am so upset as the day shouldn’t be about him. I just want my mum to be happy and present regardless of who else is/isn’t there. She is meant to be walking me down the aisle, getting me in my dress ect but I feel like this will change between us after this.

please share your opinions. Thanks

You've asked for opinions but only ones you want to hear . I can't see the problem , would you rather she was alone on the day ? Is it that you want her attention focused on you ? Very sad to be falling out when you're getting married and just not worth causing all the upset .

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:34

Contrarymary30 · 02/02/2026 23:32

You've asked for opinions but only ones you want to hear . I can't see the problem , would you rather she was alone on the day ? Is it that you want her attention focused on you ? Very sad to be falling out when you're getting married and just not worth causing all the upset .

Show quote history

I appreciate all feedback, positive or not so thank you.

maybe I have explained myself wrong. My problem is the amount of pressure, stress and emphasis she is putting on him being there.

telling me she can’t guarantee she will be happy and present without him is very hurtful as my mum. I am very hurt by her actions

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/02/2026 23:34

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 22:02

I have never met him.
since she’s been with him, we hardly see her even my child who is 7 comments on this. But appears to be her decision

Show quote history

It sounds like she is a controlling relationship. I know there's not much info to go on, but my instincts are telling me he's isolating her, and won't allow her to go "out" without him there. And if she dares to go without him, he'll be constantly messaging/calling her the whole times she's there.

I'd be concerned about the situation.

I absolutely agree with you though that he should not be allowed to come. It's your wedding, and up to you who you invite.

Your mother likely swore at you due to the influence he's having over her.

Do you know enough details about him to submit a Clare's Law application? If anything comes up, they'd be going direct to your mum about it though, not you.

Wreckinball · 02/02/2026 23:37

Line in the sand time. BF is not invited and I get why. Ask her will she still give you away because you need to know and will have to line someone else up (dad?) if she’s totally thrown her toys out of the pram

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:37

ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/02/2026 23:34

It sounds like she is a controlling relationship. I know there's not much info to go on, but my instincts are telling me he's isolating her, and won't allow her to go "out" without him there. And if she dares to go without him, he'll be constantly messaging/calling her the whole times she's there.

I'd be concerned about the situation.

I absolutely agree with you though that he should not be allowed to come. It's your wedding, and up to you who you invite.

Your mother likely swore at you due to the influence he's having over her.

Do you know enough details about him to submit a Clare's Law application? If anything comes up, they'd be going direct to your mum about it though, not you.

Show quote history

No i don’t unfortunately.
Her relationship with my Brother is still great she sees him often on her own.
she sings in a band and I’ve seen on Facebook she is still going every Tuesday night
she’s going to a pub quiz, I can see the fb photos

its just me she is distancing because of this

OP posts:
ThatJadeLion · 02/02/2026 23:38

You sound like you've made your mind up. Personally I would invite him. Life is short.

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:40

Wreckinball · 02/02/2026 23:37

Line in the sand time. BF is not invited and I get why. Ask her will she still give you away because you need to know and will have to line someone else up (dad?) if she’s totally thrown her toys out of the pram

I feel like at minimum I deserve an apology for shouting and swearing at me. When me and my mum get heated, I never shout at her or swear at her. It never needed to get to that level.

Then I would be willing to try and move forward. If this behaviour comes frequent I won’t have her walk me down the aisle I’m afraid. I would walk alone ( father unable to walk far)

but I am not going to keep having this conversation/argument it is draining and adding extra stress

OP posts:
Usernamedulychanged · 02/02/2026 23:42

If you want to have a nice stress free wedding day, don’t pick this as the hill to die on. Your mum sounds like she hasn’t handled things well, but maybe you didn’t handle it that well either. It’s fine for people to have a plus one you don’t know, she’s obviously stressed about your dad, anyone would be. Did she struggle to bring you up alone while he was living his best life with someone else? Maybe that’s not what happened but it’s often the case. Seriously, the fallout from wedding stress can last decades. Don’t do this to yourself. Just text her and say he can come. It’s not as big a deal as you think it is.

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:45

Usernamedulychanged · 02/02/2026 23:42

If you want to have a nice stress free wedding day, don’t pick this as the hill to die on. Your mum sounds like she hasn’t handled things well, but maybe you didn’t handle it that well either. It’s fine for people to have a plus one you don’t know, she’s obviously stressed about your dad, anyone would be. Did she struggle to bring you up alone while he was living his best life with someone else? Maybe that’s not what happened but it’s often the case. Seriously, the fallout from wedding stress can last decades. Don’t do this to yourself. Just text her and say he can come. It’s not as big a deal as you think it is.

you seem like a very kind and balanced person so thank you for your feedback but I feel like it’s my mum who is the issue. As much as she may be disappointed he is not there, as my mum on my wedding day she should still be happy and present. It is not asking for a lot.

My dad was a great father and always present. My mum has been married twice since my dad so I doubt this is about him.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/02/2026 23:45

MID50s · 02/02/2026 22:57

It’s your day you tell the venue what you want, not the other way around!
also he doesn’t have to sit at the top table, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sitting elsewhere.

Show quote history

I think your Mum is completely out of order to behave like this. Its really poor.

I'm surprised at people's reactions because usually on MN everyone says its up to the bride who you invite. And I think you are right to stick up for yourself. I was equally annoyed by work colleagues, cousins I hardly knew, wanting to bring dates of three weeks acquaintance to my wedding and stropping out over it.

Is it usual for the two of you to have a battle of wills? Is there anyone else in the family who could mediate? Its sad because you really wanted her to step up for you and be a big part of the day.

However, I also think that Mid50s had a good point of going back to the venue, explain the position and insist... if they want to charge extra... tell your mum. They are the ones who will not allow you to compromise and are effectively ruining your day for the sake of ONE guest... and it is a special circumstance.

You still have time to resolve this and for your mum to calm down and drop the hostilities and I hope that you have a wonderful day.

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:51

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/02/2026 23:45

I think your Mum is completely out of order to behave like this. Its really poor.

I'm surprised at people's reactions because usually on MN everyone says its up to the bride who you invite. And I think you are right to stick up for yourself. I was equally annoyed by work colleagues, cousins I hardly knew, wanting to bring dates of three weeks acquaintance to my wedding and stropping out over it.

Is it usual for the two of you to have a battle of wills? Is there anyone else in the family who could mediate? Its sad because you really wanted her to step up for you and be a big part of the day.

However, I also think that Mid50s had a good point of going back to the venue, explain the position and insist... if they want to charge extra... tell your mum. They are the ones who will not allow you to compromise and are effectively ruining your day for the sake of ONE guest... and it is a special circumstance.

You still have time to resolve this and for your mum to calm down and drop the hostilities and I hope that you have a wonderful day.

Show quote history

Thank you for your feedback.

I am surprised people are more upset that I am not inviting a stranger to my wedding than my mum saying she can’t be happy and present on my wedding day with a partner she has known 3 months but hey!

we are normally so close and she has never spoken to me like this before which makes me more upset.

I don’t dislike the guy, I’ve never met him! But I dislike how she is being regarding him if that makes sense. She’s completely changed and she is creating such a spotlight on him being there

OP posts:
Belindabelle · 02/02/2026 23:54

Partner! He’s not her partner. He is a boyfriend she has known for 12 weeks. He may in time become her partner but as it stands he is a new friend who the OP has yet to meet.

@Bubseybooba It sounds like your mum was having a major roll in your day. Helping you dress walking you down the aisle. Is she making a speech?

I dont blame you for not wanting him there. It’s a pity the venue doesn’t allow evening guests as that would have been an ideal solution. If her attitude was better I may have allowed him to come but I wouldn’t give into her tantrums either.

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