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Original poster

Fallen out with mum

692 replies

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 21:52

I am getting married in the summer. My mum met a man 3 months ago and is now in a relationship with him. She asked me after 1 week if he can come to the wedding and I said no. We had a big argument and later agreed to leave the conversation until nearer the time.

between then and now we’ve had 3 further arguments about him coming and agreed on him coming to the evening as a compromise. My venue has now informed me evening guests aren’t allowed as it’s a twilight wedding. ( never planned to have evenings guests, he would be the only one)

I told my mum and she said she is very disappointed and it will be a hard day for her. I said I want her to be happy and present on the wedding day and she said she can’t guarantee that and she’s allowed to feel how she feels.

i told her she should be as happy and the day should be as special with or without him. I don’t understand how someone she has known 3 months holds so much importance on her daughter’s wedding day.

I said to her maybe it’s best we leave him coming because it’s causing added stress and strain on our relationship when I want to be happy and excited in the lead up to the wedding. She started shouting at me, told me to fu*k off twice and hung up the phone on me. In my 30 years she has never spoken to me like this.

I am so upset as the day shouldn’t be about him. I just want my mum to be happy and present regardless of who else is/isn’t there. She is meant to be walking me down the aisle, getting me in my dress ect but I feel like this will change between us after this.

please share your opinions. Thanks

OP posts:
GreenEyesIsBack · 02/02/2026 22:53

Your Mum is feeling vulnerable and probably lonely, let her bring her partner.

Nospecialcharactersplease · 02/02/2026 22:54

I think everyone agrees that your mum has handled this poorly OP. She should have just gone along with your preferences without fuss. However, it’s your position of ‘if I relent what sort of message would it send to her’ that is the issue. Firstly because she’s not a toddler - either she is capable of reflection or she is not, and that’s not going to change by having a nice thing taken away. And secondly because sometimes people act poorly out of fear and pain - when this happens the answer is not to punish, but to create safety so that the person can explore these underlying feelings and process them.

Your mum is struggling a bit with emotional maturity, but to be honest so are you.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/02/2026 22:55

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 22:52

Finally someone with some sense! Thank you for your kind words and understanding x

Show quote history

“With some sense”? How rude!

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/02/2026 22:56

Nospecialcharactersplease · 02/02/2026 22:54

I think everyone agrees that your mum has handled this poorly OP. She should have just gone along with your preferences without fuss. However, it’s your position of ‘if I relent what sort of message would it send to her’ that is the issue. Firstly because she’s not a toddler - either she is capable of reflection or she is not, and that’s not going to change by having a nice thing taken away. And secondly because sometimes people act poorly out of fear and pain - when this happens the answer is not to punish, but to create safety so that the person can explore these underlying feelings and process them.

Your mum is struggling a bit with emotional maturity, but to be honest so are you.

Agreed. You risk a lot here just to try to score some kind of point.

MID50s · 02/02/2026 22:57

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 22:49

I am not being mean at all.
I compromised and offered him to come to the evening of the wedding but when I asked my venue for the price I found out we was not allowed evenings guests as we are having a twilight wedding. So I did compromise

when we found out he couldn’t just come to the evening my mum asked if he can come to the day. We have 80 guests and all invites have been sent out already.

my mum is walking me down the aisle, she is helping me get dressed, sitting in the front row of the ceremony ect. She is a big part of the day and I don’t see how he would fit into it as i wouldn’t want him in the front row, pictures ect this is why the evening was an ideal compromise as the legal serious bit was done.

Show quote history

It’s your day you tell the venue what you want, not the other way around!
also he doesn’t have to sit at the top table, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sitting elsewhere.

Tourmalines · 02/02/2026 22:58

Well she’s hardly going to be happy at the wedding now ,is she ? There is plenty of time for you to meet him up to the wedding . You are being too rigid .

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 22:58

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/02/2026 22:56

Agreed. You risk a lot here just to try to score some kind of point.

Show quote history

in my opinion, my mum is risking a lot. She can make it clear she wants him there and ask for this but at the end of the day it is not her decision.

if she is so upset he can’t be there that she wants to affect our whole relationship that shows how little it means to her to begin with.

she can not like and she can be upset but falling out and swearing at me is taking it too far.

OP posts:
AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 02/02/2026 22:59

OP: please share your opinions
Me: gives measured opinion after reading thread
OP: No you’re wrong!
ok then.

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 22:59

Tourmalines · 02/02/2026 22:58

Well she’s hardly going to be happy at the wedding now ,is she ? There is plenty of time for you to meet him up to the wedding . You are being too rigid .

why shouldn’t she be happy at her daughters wedding??? Nothing should stop her being happy witnessing a special day for her child especially not a partner she’s known for a number of months

OP posts:
MID50s · 02/02/2026 23:01

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 22:58

in my opinion, my mum is risking a lot. She can make it clear she wants him there and ask for this but at the end of the day it is not her decision.

if she is so upset he can’t be there that she wants to affect our whole relationship that shows how little it means to her to begin with.

she can not like and she can be upset but falling out and swearing at me is taking it too far.

Show quote history

She has made it clear, she wants him there! It shows how little she means to you too also to be honest. You sound like you have made your mind up and don’t want to hear any other answer apart from that as previous posts show

whattheysay · 02/02/2026 23:01

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 22:29

Because I don’t know him. I have never met him and she has only known himself for 3 months. Invites have been sent and places are allocated… it’s really simple.

Show quote history

I probably would have invited him tbh, when I got married my niece asked if her boyfriend of 6 months can come to the wedding I said yes and called the venue and added a person. Did I want him there? Not particularly as I didn’t know him and would have to pay for him but it was more important to me that everyone was happy at my wedding.

woolshop · 02/02/2026 23:01

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 22:58

in my opinion, my mum is risking a lot. She can make it clear she wants him there and ask for this but at the end of the day it is not her decision.

if she is so upset he can’t be there that she wants to affect our whole relationship that shows how little it means to her to begin with.

she can not like and she can be upset but falling out and swearing at me is taking it too far.

Show quote history

Totally agree. She is an adult and is responsible for how she chooses to conduct herself for one day.

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:01

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 02/02/2026 22:59

OP: please share your opinions
Me: gives measured opinion after reading thread
OP: No you’re wrong!
ok then.

Not wrong. Nobody is wrong, everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings.

I just know how I am feeling and what this is doing to me

OP posts:
MID50s · 02/02/2026 23:01

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 02/02/2026 22:59

OP: please share your opinions
Me: gives measured opinion after reading thread
OP: No you’re wrong!
ok then.

Definitely!

Mumblechum0 · 02/02/2026 23:02

I don’t know why people start these threads asking for opinions only to completely ignore them.

waste of energy for all involved.

fwiw I think you’re wrong

MID50s · 02/02/2026 23:03

Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:01

Not wrong. Nobody is wrong, everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings.

I just know how I am feeling and what this is doing to me

Show quote history

I think you’re making it harder than it needs to be.
just invite the fella FFS

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:04

MID50s · 02/02/2026 23:01

She has made it clear, she wants him there! It shows how little she means to you too also to be honest. You sound like you have made your mind up and don’t want to hear any other answer apart from that as previous posts show

Show quote history

no I appreciate all feedback. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:07

Mumblechum0 · 02/02/2026 23:02

I don’t know why people start these threads asking for opinions only to completely ignore them.

waste of energy for all involved.

fwiw I think you’re wrong

i appreciate all feedback regardless. Thank you

OP posts:
Thecomedyclub · 02/02/2026 23:08

Please invite him. If they are still together in the Summer, it will be nine months which at her age is a reasonable amount of time for her to be sure of her relationship and for you to meet him. She will be miserable if you don’t let her, and that will make your day be tinged with sadness - she’s clearly not able to hide her fear of being alone. You say you want her to walk you down the aisle but to be fair you then have the rest of the ceremony and reception with 80 people so you are hardly going to be paying her your undivided attention. I would rather know that I didn’t have to “babysit” my mother on my wedding day, which is effectively what you’ll end up feeling you have to do.

Endofyear · 02/02/2026 23:09

I would look at it this way - your choices are:

Invite him and make him feel welcome and included
Invite him and be inwardly seething about it
Don't invite him and have your mum in a big sulk all day which will probably end in a row
Don't invite him and mum gets even more arsey about it and refuses to come

I can't see a scenario where your mum suddenly realises she's in the wrong and comes to your wedding and behaves wonderfully. It's very strange that she's behaved like this when you say you have an amazing relationship!

tiredlazydoesntmatter · 02/02/2026 23:10

HNRTFT but for the sake of a few hours I would invite your Mums partner.
Ask her to organise an opportunity for you to meet with him beforehand.

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:10

Endofyear · 02/02/2026 23:09

I would look at it this way - your choices are:

Invite him and make him feel welcome and included
Invite him and be inwardly seething about it
Don't invite him and have your mum in a big sulk all day which will probably end in a row
Don't invite him and mum gets even more arsey about it and refuses to come

I can't see a scenario where your mum suddenly realises she's in the wrong and comes to your wedding and behaves wonderfully. It's very strange that she's behaved like this when you say you have an amazing relationship!

thank you for the feedback

OP posts:
AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 02/02/2026 23:10

When was the argument with your mum? Was it tonight? If so perhaps give yourself some time to calm down and for her to apologise to you and then see if you feel any differently. I honestly wouldn’t choose this as your hill to die on though. It seems like it will spoil your otherwise good relationship, and for what? You’re going to be focused on your husband and all your guests you won’t even see that much of your mum. It will be so busy.

Original poster
Bubseybooba · 02/02/2026 23:13

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 02/02/2026 23:10

When was the argument with your mum? Was it tonight? If so perhaps give yourself some time to calm down and for her to apologise to you and then see if you feel any differently. I honestly wouldn’t choose this as your hill to die on though. It seems like it will spoil your otherwise good relationship, and for what? You’re going to be focused on your husband and all your guests you won’t even see that much of your mum. It will be so busy.

5 days ago.

I am trying not to be stubborn but I feel like I shouldn’t be the one compromising on my wedding day. The less my mum was trying to force this the more open I’d be

OP posts:
woolshop · 02/02/2026 23:14

Endofyear · 02/02/2026 23:09

I would look at it this way - your choices are:

Invite him and make him feel welcome and included
Invite him and be inwardly seething about it
Don't invite him and have your mum in a big sulk all day which will probably end in a row
Don't invite him and mum gets even more arsey about it and refuses to come

I can't see a scenario where your mum suddenly realises she's in the wrong and comes to your wedding and behaves wonderfully. It's very strange that she's behaved like this when you say you have an amazing relationship!

Agree with this. Especially your last paragraph. I just could not imagine doing this to my daughter who I am very close to but have good boundaries with and don’t question her wishes if it’s about her. Hope that makes sense.