Partner forcing abortion. Broken

[omgno45]

Hello
please be kind I’m on the edge.

I have 3 children from previous relationship. (16,15,8)

with my current partner we have a 1 year old. All the kids are happy etc. I love being a mum. It’s my purpose.
my older 3 adore our 1 year old.

we’ve had an “accident” and I’m pregnant. About 5 weeks.
my partner has hit the roof. He’s told me if I keep it he’s not walking the path with me and he’s leaving me for good and will only see our son. He’s told me he can’t have sex with me anymore. He’s says I’m selfish to keep it and it’s all about me and he’s said I’m not well and need intervention because keeping it means I’m not thinking straight.

im so sad. I really really want it. He keeps asking babe you ordered abortion tablets yet etc he’s really pressuring me. Honestly what do I do. Any advice please I love him but I hate how he’s approaching me

This is wise.

It’s going to be hard for an older single mum to fund, care and worry about five children. Do what feels right, but this man is not on your side.

He’s not a partner in any positive sense of the word. You left him last summer and cut contact yet he has got you pg? He is abusive towards you and your dc, even wanting to disown his baby. Reread the posts from last year and get him out of your home. Whether you keep this baby or not, he does not deserve any role in your life.

You can knock, but approximately one in six pregnancies are unintended, with the number of conceptions options available, failure rates are not that high!

Sorry, I just don't believe they are all 'accidents'. Add to that studies which show roughly 30% of unintended/unplanned pregnancies were actually desired, and think it paints a different picture.

I have a brother who is 9 year younger than me, as my mother wanted another child and had a convenient 'accident'.

@omgno45 people are being really harsh questioning whether it was an accident or not! Who cares really, the issue is his response.

It sounds like you want this baby, but if you do you will be a single mother to 5 as his telling you you basically need psychological intervention/sectioning is a step too far. As others have said, condoms and vasectomy are also available.

He’s told me if I keep it he’s not walking the path with me and he’s leaving me for good and will only see our son.

I wouldn't allow this, you can't force him to see the new baby obviously, but I am fairly sure you would win in court if he only wanted access with one of his children. I don't think a court would think that this was in the best interest of either child, even the one he wants to see.

Let him fuck off. He doesn't get to set ultimatums and speak to you like that.

He was perfectly capable of having a sensible grown up conversation about the subject without the abuse.

Let him fuck off regardless.

Then decide whether YOU want to keep the baby or not.

I’ve just read a PP saying you’ve posted before about him being abusive? Now is the time to leave

That’s a lot of children. Can you afford another? Do you both work?

Whatever the answer he sounds like a dick anyway but also, you need to be more careful!

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I do have to ask, do you think you can go it alone though, with 5 kids?

I would consider the other 4 before making a choice.

Is your partner in a state of shock, I’m not condoning his behaviour as it’s disgusting but I’m wondering is he worrying financially etc and he’s having a panic.

My first thought was that OPs partner has another woman and is already planning to leave...

Who was being responsible for contraception? Did he ask you what method you’d both decided? Or did you both ignore such a big issue

who pays the rent and the bills?

I’m waiting for you to tell us some of the older children have special needs and you can’t work because of that.

if you can’t find a way to both financially and emotionally support your family then you should’ve been more careful.

he sounds horrible but it also sounds like he is worried (for the right reasons) and the only way he knows how to deal with the worry is to be horrible. Either way, you’re not in a great set-up and you need to take more responsibility for your future and your kids’ future.

Any advice please I love him but I hate how he’s approaching me

He doesn't respect you and he doesn't love you.

Pay attention to his behaviour. This is not a healthy relationship.

You are better off without him. So are the kids.

Make the decision based on the fact that your relationship is as good as over.

That is what I would do.

OP, please explain what your fascination is in wanting more children? Surely four is more than enough. Unless you're high earners, you must be living hand to mouth all the time, robbing Peter to pay Paul. You can't physically give each child your attention, along with doing all the housework, cooking, cleaning, laundry, school homework. Money must be really tight for hobbies, days out, holidays, all the things that enrich your lives. I can't imagine that you have any time to yourself, your days and evenings are probably sorting the children out and doing laundry. If that is all you want out of life, fair enough, but think of the life you are giving your children, they deserve more and so do you.

Just read some comments that he is abusive to you

Sorry but you need to leave and consider your 4 other kids here

I do not think an extra baby is the right choice right now :( definitely be more careful in future

Nailed it. OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this, but whatever decision YOU end up making, he's shown you who he really is x

I think you are getting a hard time op. It is 100% your decision but whatever you decide please leave him. He is abusive.

If he didn't want another then he should have had the snip.

Oh bore off with that, honestly.

Just because a man doesn’t have a vasectomy doesn’t mean he’s fair game for more kids.

I know many, many women that don’t want more children and haven’t resorted to tubal ligation.

Regardless of what you decide, I don’t think you should stay with this man. Any man who tries to tell you what to do when he is jus5 as responsible and also threatens to not see the resulting child isn’t someone to spend your life with.

In terms of the pregnancy, can you afford a fifth child, do you have the room? Being a parent to 4, never mind 5 is a lot for anyone. Your teens will need support and you’ll be tied up with a toddler and baby.

Don't have an abortion if you don't want one. It's you that has to live with your decision because it's exactly that, your decision whatever he says

He's a cunt

The relationship is over no matter what. You don't have an abortion, he walks out. You do the abortion and you will resent him. Also there is no coming back from the way he spoke to you.

Also, unless this was a vasectomy failure, i can't see how he is not responsible for the pregnancy.

So you nees to decide if you are fine with being a single mom of 5 where your partner will see only one of the children. You still have few weeks to think and sort out practicalities.

Sorry to be "that poster" but here's what you said 2 months ago:
I left him 10 weeks ago. For good. Always had my own house with the kids as when he started to turn there was no way I was signing my life to him baby or not.
since leaving him I’ve made it clear that he cannot see baby unless he works on his anger and temper and his abusive ways because my baby doesn’t get handed over to any angry unsafe person
of course this has raged him.
yes I’ve blocked him but you can’t block email
in this 10 weeks he has told me the following:
he doesn’t want his child to turn out like my others and they are vile children that won’t mount to anything.
if I don’t give him the baby it’s gonna get really ugly for me
then he switched to “I don’t need that ginger bast* anyway meaning the baby
told me to take his name off birth certificate and that the baby doesn’t deserve his second name
he’s told me which he always did anyway that I’m fat and calls me tubs and tells me I’m an ugly broke loser with nothing and nobody will want me with 4 kids
he’s told me he was sleeping with someone else and he doesn’t care and laughed about it
he reported me to social services for “being a bad mum and having post natal depression” they closed it straight away as malicious.
because I’ve not let him see baby of course he’s not sent me a penny.
he has called all my family horrible names and contacted mr family making horrible lies about me that are not true.
honestly he has dragged me through the absolute mud. This isn’t even half of it.
just can’t bileave this is my life post partum. The up side is my children adore their new little brother he is so loved he is literally everyone’s little dolly !! They never leave him alone and they thank me for having him which melts me.

You have to leave him and protect your kids from this monster

100% up to you. If you want to keep him/her, do so, but you may well have to do it alone as he has "warned" you.

Was it really an accident?

Can you support yourself and 5 children without him, that's the choice you need to make, he doesn't want another baby, if he walks away that is his choice. Do you get any help with the other childrens father.