Partner forcing abortion. Broken

[omgno45]

Hello
please be kind I’m on the edge.

I have 3 children from previous relationship. (16,15,8)

with my current partner we have a 1 year old. All the kids are happy etc. I love being a mum. It’s my purpose.
my older 3 adore our 1 year old.

we’ve had an “accident” and I’m pregnant. About 5 weeks.
my partner has hit the roof. He’s told me if I keep it he’s not walking the path with me and he’s leaving me for good and will only see our son. He’s told me he can’t have sex with me anymore. He’s says I’m selfish to keep it and it’s all about me and he’s said I’m not well and need intervention because keeping it means I’m not thinking straight.

im so sad. I really really want it. He keeps asking babe you ordered abortion tablets yet etc he’s really pressuring me. Honestly what do I do. Any advice please I love him but I hate how he’s approaching me

Was it really an accident or did you decide you were getting pregnant again without his agreement?
It’s supposed to be a joint decision and he was trusting you to be taking the contraceptive that you both agreed you would use. I don’t blame him for being pissed off.
Obviously it’s your body so if you don’t want to abort, don’t. He can make his choice whether he is involved or not.
If he comes round to the idea, which he might eventually then he needs to get a vasectomy to make sure you don’t have any more “accidents”

Oh dear.

I don't usually do advanced searches on posters, but the OP's life is a car crash. Adding another unplanned baby into the mix is going to make her life even more difficult.

It’s your body and your choice at the end of the day. Are you prepared to be a single mum of 5?

Your DP sounds quite unpleasant but I can see why he isn’t happy. Your post makes this sound like it was anything but an “accident”. It sounds more like you would quite like another baby and have been economical with contraception.

Have a look at the OP’s previous 4 threads about this disgusting abusive twat and you’ll see there’s no point in a conversation

Please do what’s right for you.

My now estranged husband forced me into an abortion. It broke me. Worst decision I ever made.

This. After looking at OP’s previous posts…wow. What a dysfunctional mess.

She wants kids . That’s her purpose apparently. I’m assuming she doesn’t work . But staying with him isn’t the way to go about it. More kids people have to pay for because he bloody won’t.

Advanced search is a useful tool sometimes- the OP is obviously not coming back to the thread.
In November she had left (presumably) this man and described horrible abuse. It’s absolutely tragic if she allowed him back into her life and has become pregnant yet again by him.
OP if you are reading it’s high time that you did the Freedom Programme and contacted Women’s Aid - for advice.
It would be ethically wrong for me to suggest you terminate or keep a child before you have some external support and information about your choices. For your sake I hope you can get both advice and support. And not from him.

It's not just her body and her choice if she is not in a position to actually care for the children she brings into the world.

It's totally irresponsible to keep getting pregnant when she is not able to give her children a stable environment where they can thrive.
Instead she is making her children more and more vulnerable to the worst kind of people out there.

An abortion is the most responsible decision, given her circumstances.

So you're pregnant with number five and you "really really want it". Then you get pregnant with number six and "really really want it". I mean when does it end?

I really really want a mansion in Chelsea (or, more seriously, I would have really liked to have even one child), but sometimes life just doesn't deliver. Most other things, whether it's something basic like food, or something expensive like holidays, we weigh up how much we want it against the implications/repercussions (greed, weight gain, cost, environmental impact, etc.) but with children it so often seems to be - from what I read on here, anyway, purely down to unexamined desires without considering the impact on other things (such as existing children and available time and resources).

What is wrong with some women who think their only purpose in life is to keep having children?

They're trying to fill a void.
Having more babies will never do that.
As soon as the youngest starts becoming independent, they start brooding all over again. It's a serious mental health issue.

OP needs therapy - whether she can access that through NHS I do not know.
She is a vulnerable adult bringing more vulnerable children into the world.

Leave him. You won't regret that but you will if you go ahead with something you don't want to do. You might never forgive him or yourself.

She needs to stop having children she is no position to look after emotionally or psychologically - that's worse than any abortion.

Is this the same bloke as the one who was a devil and had guns and stuff and who you swore you'd never ever have anything to do with again a couple of months ago?

No matter, ditch the man and terminate the pregnancy and focus on the four children you already have.

Op please think long and hard before you decide it’s a hard thing to live with especially if you want it and the resentment will ruin your relationship and whichever way you go either you get your way and lose him or gets his own and you might still lose him if you regret your decision. Try talk to someone in real life that won’t judge you,

And they never seem to actually be bothered about the ones they already have. It’s always about the next one

What makes you say that? I didn't get signs of that from the post.

Another poster shared a link to another of five threads from OP.

he’s really pressuring me.

No one can pressure you to have an abortion. Just like no one should pressure you to go ahead with a pregnancy.

If you and your children are at risk of abuse, you should get yourselves safe. Contact Women’s Aid or a local domestic abuse charity. Emotional and financial abuse, including coercive control, is domestic abuse.

Honestly what do I do.

No one on Mumsnet can advise you on what to do. We’re not trained and we don’t know all the facts of your case. And it’s your decision.

So, you need to seek advice, and maybe counselling, from NHS and/or specialist services (e.g. Brook), on what’s the best option for you and your existing children. This depends on health, disability, finances, housing options.

I love being a mum. It’s my purpose.

You already are a mum: to four children of very different ages, including a 1 year old and teenagers with important exams coming up and a need for (ideally) private space at home.

One thing you’ll need to consider is whether you could still support your existing children just as much if you have another baby, especially as a lone parent. How will you afford childcare for two children under 5 years in order to work to pay your share of supporting 5 children financially? What emotional and practical supoort can you offer them? Will your children be (even more) overcrowded in your home? How will this affect their mental and physical health, well-being and education?

Gather all the information and advice you can, then make an informed choice, putting your children first.

Leave him if you really want to keep the baby.

As a single mother of 5 children, you will be entitled to a lot of state support / benefits. There’s a website where you can look up how much you can get (hopefully someone will link it on the thread).

I quite agree with you. The OP clearly has enough children already and is irresponsible enough to get herself pregnant again by someone who is not interested in having more children or cut out to be a good father. She is entirely selfish.

Unfortunately it is her body her choice though. We can only hope she sees sense and doesn’t continue to bring more children in to the world just because she loves babies.

This is all rather impractical advice. OP will not be able to work with a 1 year-old and a newborn (or a baby on the way - I can’t imagine it’s easy to get a job while noticeably pregnant). She will have to investigate what she can get in welfare / benefits, that’s the only feasible option.