Partner forcing abortion. Broken

[omgno45]

Hello
please be kind I’m on the edge.

I have 3 children from previous relationship. (16,15,8)

with my current partner we have a 1 year old. All the kids are happy etc. I love being a mum. It’s my purpose.
my older 3 adore our 1 year old.

we’ve had an “accident” and I’m pregnant. About 5 weeks.
my partner has hit the roof. He’s told me if I keep it he’s not walking the path with me and he’s leaving me for good and will only see our son. He’s told me he can’t have sex with me anymore. He’s says I’m selfish to keep it and it’s all about me and he’s said I’m not well and need intervention because keeping it means I’m not thinking straight.

im so sad. I really really want it. He keeps asking babe you ordered abortion tablets yet etc he’s really pressuring me. Honestly what do I do. Any advice please I love him but I hate how he’s approaching me

@omgno45 your partner is a first class arse. You need to ditch him regardless of whether you continue with the pregnancy

You did not get pregnant alone.

You are both responsible and he will have to pay maintenance at a much higher rate of he never has the latest child.

Take a few days, but get your ducks in a row and get rid of the man-child.

Dont do it OP.
I did the same and I regret it every single day of my life.
The moment a man says he'll leave you/kill himself etc unless you terminate a pregnancy, the relationship is over anyway. How could you ever continue to live someone that uses such cruel blackmail to get what they want?
I left my partner because of this. I couldn't ever look at him in the same way ever again. He told me he hoped I'd have a miscarriage, I'd ruined his life, he'd kill himself if I kept it etc. I was too weak and confused so I terminated it. He was gleefull the moment I walked out of the clinic and acted like nothing had happened. I cried myself to sleep every night for about a year whilst he carried on blissfully with his life.
If you want this baby then please keep it. You will figure it out I promise xx

Well was an accident or not?

In all honestly I think if it were me I’d probably have the termination AND leave him.

But I don’t think this is something you’ll want to do.

Sorry to come back and say this in the absence of any answer from the OP, but just kept going through my mind.

I read the OP and came to the same conclusion as @BudgetBuster.

he’s said I’m not well and need intervention because keeping it means I’m not thinking straight.

@omgno45 he is gaslighting you about your sanity, he sounds abusive and manipulative. I really hope you dump him, but I suspect you won't see him yet for who he is

What’s selfish is having sex with someone but not accepting the consequences
what’s selfish is treating your partner like absolute crap and inflicting emotional abuse on them
i would keep the baby and ditch this “man”
He has shown his true colours. He has shown you who he really is. Believe him.
I would contact women’s aid. 1800 341 900

Sounds like an abusive man child. It takes two people to create a pregnancy why is he not taking responsibility for his part in it?
Personally I wouldn’t want 5 kids. I can just about manage 2 and still feel like I’m being pulled in different directions all the time. But if you think you can manage as a single mum to 5 then don’t let him pressure you into doing something you don’t want.
He has shown his true colours by declaring he’d walk away from you and only see his own child if you split. Sounds like an utter wanker.
If you have an abortion you don’t want the relationship will never be the same but realistically you also have to think how you’d cope alone.
Not an easy position to find yourself in, even worse that you’re saddled with a childish wanker for support.

This would change a lot, if that is the case.

I remember your other thread where you showed us what an abuser this man is, and said you'd left him for good, and wouldn't allow him to see your child because of his anger issues.

Now you're pregnant by him again?

I think you need to really leave this man for good, and think deeply about bringing another child into the world with you as a single parent and this man as his father. And whether or not this would be the right thing to do.

Best of luck.

Same. He's unhappy because she lied and tricked him into another pregnancy. He's says she's not thinking straight because she's not, he's saying he can't trust her, because he can't.

I'm not seeing how he's the abusive cunt here, frankly OP caused this mess.

Sorry OP. Sometimes unplanned pregnancy happens, no contraceptive is 100%.
from your own words you want to continue the pregnancy. Do you feel you can do it alone?
I had a termination that was right for me at the time but I regret it, and that’s hard to live with. i wish I had left my now ex husband and kept my baby.

Oh gosh. I thought that might be the case.

Not smugness, I just despair at the number children being brought into this would that are not wanted by parents or result in large single parent families, when there are some many options to prevent it.

You cannot stay with this man. His behaviour has destroyed this relationship. If you terminate you will forever resent him and he will not be sympathetic in the slightest.
If you really want this baby then you should leave him and go ahead with it alone. If you don’t, you should leave him and go ahead alone.

You really need to do the freedom programme sweetheart.

I wish PP would read your previous posts before commenting to encourage you to carry on!

This is the 2nd father for your kids....loads of drama in the relationship and you want to add a 5th child to the mess?
He is abusive and you should leave him but you should also stop getting with dodgy men and focus on the kids you have!

I’ve just read the ops other thread. Definitely time to split up with this horrible abusive man. A decision needs to be made now on whether you can partner this child as well as the other children alone.

Sorry, but I think you should NEVER be coerced into ending a pregnancy that you want to continue. Never. Ending the pregnancy against your will, will leave you with the deepest of emotional scars and a world of pain and resentment. I am not judgemental in any way about those who choose to end a pregnancy of their own free will, but hope with all my heart that those who do want to continue it can find the strength to do so. My heart goes out to you.

Why is he so against another child?

What's your situation with space, money, time?

He can't force you to do anything. Whether you have the baby or not is up to you. But you also can't make him happy about it or willing to stay and bring up the baby.

He can walk away but he would still be financially responsible for both his children. Although that may be very little.

I tend to agree with others who've said the relationship is probably over either way. So you should make your choice based on going forward on your own.

Well, he would be going right in the bin.

He sounds like an absolute tosser.

Do you want this baby? You’ll be raising 4 children on your own anyway, whichever way you go. If you want your baby, you’ll find a way to manage 5. It will be much easier without this dead weight.

Where does OP say how the failure of contraception occurred? How can you make such sweeping statements blaming the OP, calling her a liar and saying she tricked him, when the condom could have broken?
Please enlighten us. You’ve made some very cruel comments about a woman who has asked for people to be kind and be all accounts is a victim of abuse at the hands of this man.

What contraception had you both agreed to use? That is a joint responsibility. But accidents happen. He can’t force you to terminate this pregnancy. Please do what you think is right. You can’t undo an abortion so at least hold off for a few weeks and see how you both feel then. He is probably in shock as it would be quite a small age gap. But he shouldn’t be saying awful things to you, he may think having five children is strange but everyone is different.

You say you love being a mother. Could you manage on your own if he did leave? All the best, stay strong.

With 5 children and not working she will be entitled to universal credit. It would be impossible to work with 5 children, the cost of childcare would far outweigh wages. Good luck in whatever you decide to do OP, I think 5 is probably not much more manic and busy than 4, and you will have the teenagers to help you hopefully