Partner forcing abortion. Broken

[omgno45]

Hello
please be kind I’m on the edge.

I have 3 children from previous relationship. (16,15,8)

with my current partner we have a 1 year old. All the kids are happy etc. I love being a mum. It’s my purpose.
my older 3 adore our 1 year old.

we’ve had an “accident” and I’m pregnant. About 5 weeks.
my partner has hit the roof. He’s told me if I keep it he’s not walking the path with me and he’s leaving me for good and will only see our son. He’s told me he can’t have sex with me anymore. He’s says I’m selfish to keep it and it’s all about me and he’s said I’m not well and need intervention because keeping it means I’m not thinking straight.

im so sad. I really really want it. He keeps asking babe you ordered abortion tablets yet etc he’s really pressuring me. Honestly what do I do. Any advice please I love him but I hate how he’s approaching me

I put this user name into the search function, but it didn't find anything. Can you link a previous thread by her? Tia

Beyond ridiculous circumstances to have another child

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5449340-ive-literally-had-a-baby-with-a-devil?page=1

His reaction has ended the relationship. Had he taken a measured approach and not threatened you, it could have been salvaged even if he were on a different page to you. The fact he has threatened to leave you and also have nothing to do with this baby should you keep it has destroyed your relationship. I don’t think there’s any coming back from that really.

I’m also wondering what has caused this level of reaction. I’d understand more if this was a new relationship or he didn’t have kids already. The fact you both already have one makes it harder to understand. Are finances stretched to the point he is extremely stressed? Either way, he should have had a vasectomy if he didn’t want to have more children.

your relationships over, regardless of keeping it or not.

so what do you want to do?

This one as well

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5447046-5447046-cheating-horrible-man-post-partum?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

He absolutely has to provide for his own children although he can't be forced to have a relationship with them.

Jfc.

OP, there is no way you should even be looking to sustain this awful relationship, whatever you decide with regard to your pregnancy.

Gosh that sounds awful. He is entitled to his opinion but is handling it badly. It must be hard for men as they have no control over this new life decision. I think unless he apologised and is more open to talking properly about this decision, he’s one to let go.

Ive read tour other post about how he treats you. Im so sorry. I personally dont believe in accidental pregnancy. If the both of you were serious about contraception, he would have had the snip and you would have taken the morning after pill or been on contraception.

Having children is wonderful, but it is irresponsible to bring another baby into such an awful relationship. Yes you could raise the baby on its own, but babies also deserve to have two loving parents and a stable family unit.

Your decision of course. If you really want this baby, abortion is going to be very difficult. Wish you the best.

It goes without saying that I wouldn't want my daughter forced into an abortion or pregnancy she didn't want, I didn't feel the need to state that as this thread is about a man not wanting a baby 🤦‍♀️

The OP has said it was an "accident" so I'm assuming there was a contraception failure,

Hopefully by the time my sons old enough there will be some sort of pill men can take to stop them being fertile for a while 🤷‍♀️

Surely 5 children as a single parent is contraception?? Although I'd have thought 3 kids would be automatic contraception, so maybe not.

He has NO RIGHT to force you into abortion, including coercing you and threatening you.You and you alone make the decision, always.

You will split up after this horrific behaviour regardless, so his reaction is now irrelevant.

You will be at high risk of regretting an abortion you’re pressured into.

This

It takes two to make a baby and therefore the ‘accident’ is as much his fault as yours, for want of a better definition.
If he is of a mind to think he can have unprotected sex and order a woman to have an abortion if she were to conceive then he needs his balls chopping off! LTB!

I thought the same. Women with, say, two children don't "love being a mum" any less than women with five. The OP's situation sounds like an addiction to the attention you get during pregnancy and the baby stage.

Either way it’s over

you do what he wants and you will resent him forever and the relationship is over
you don’t do it and he goes and the relationship is over

so focus on you, can you manage another child? Can you raise them all on your own?

Personally I would be telling him it takes two to tango, and if he didn’t want kids he should have had a vasectomy. Too late now though an accident has happened. If he insists he is going I would pack his cases and he’s on his way

Did normal contraception and the morning after pill fail?!

Sadly if you read her previous threads he’s been abusing her and her kids for years and she keeps going back.
She was going to police about him last year and did a Claire’s Law which keep back with weapons charges and yet she’s still ended up having unprotected sex with him again so I’m not sure even this would cause the shitshow of a relationship to end

He sounds like an arsehole so I wouldn’t continue to pursue a relationship with him but be honest with yourself, is it financially viable for you to have 5 children? Do you have the time and emotional capacity to support 5 children?

I agree with this and I hate to say it but OP, do you love being a Mum or do you love having babies? Because there is a difference.

I hope social services are involved

You can do whatever you want and deal with it.

I wouldn’t be collecting babies like Pokémons though, after 4 there are no accidents.

My answer is totally dependent on whether he used a condom.
If he did, then I do understand his perspective. He took measures to ensure you didn’t get pregnant and it failed. He needs to get a vasectomy.

It’s your body and your choice but I suspect having another baby, a fifth no less (I’ve got 5 this is not a criticism) is a poor decision. You are in an unstable and unkind relationship, you are haphazard with protection and you think your reason for living is being a mum. You need therapy not more children.
There is more to life than being a mum or an emotional punchbag to a man.

Guessing it wasn't actually an 'accident', huh OP?

You should be kind to yourself sweetie.
Go back and read your previous posts. You deserve better than this in life...

When I first starting having sex with DH I made it crystal clear that if I got pregnant I would not be having a termination, and he had to accept that if he wanted to be with me.
Your partner is having sex with you, you didn’t get pregnant all on your own ! It shouldn’t be your problem to somehow sort out, it should be something you face together. He must have realised you wouldn’t want a termination ?