I do love DH and he’s a good man, but … money

[yellowprimrosepink]

Money is a constant bone of contention in our marriage (and we are married so theoretically share everything but in reality we don’t.)

The background is that we met late (we were both 38 at the time) so I guess had separate lives and finances. I had a fairly good job; nothing to write home about but enough. DH however earns well - around the £95,000 mark. So when we had children, I went part time and then more part time to manage school drop offs and so on and now I’m two days a week, I earn next to nothing. However DH is away, a lot, he’s able to do this because I’m always there. But the comments I get about ‘leaning on him’ and so on are really starting to piss me off.

I know he gets stressed about finances but if it wasn’t for his job I could work and therefore earn more myself. I know that’s not totally fair of me as if it wasn’t for his job I wouldn’t be able to be part time. I just wish he valued what I do.

Could you do some supply on the other days? I do supply and there’s a lot of advantages, mostly that you can get there and leave at a reasonable time. Yesterday I was in my car at 3.32 and the bell didn’t go until 3.30.

To be honest your position sounds vulnerable. I was in a similar situation in that dh has a Big Job that takes him all over and I looked after the dc. But my dh was aware that he wouldn’t have been able to do any of those things without me call the bollocks I was doing. He’s never once made me feel less than him or talked about how he makes the money and I don’t.

However, if we had split up I would have been screwed as I really did sacrifice my career for his and our dc. If I was doing it all again I wouldn’t do it and I’ve already discussed that with my own daughters and I will be encouraging them to go to work if they have children.