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Relationships

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Partner wants me to sleep with other men…

382 replies

AnOddOne · 22/01/2026 18:40

I’ve nc for this.

Has anyone else had experience of this? I’ve expressed no interest in sleeping around and I’m perfectly happy with my partner. We’ve been together for nearly twenty years (I’m mid-fifties, he’s early 60s) and have a regular, fun and interesting sex life. He has ED which we’ve worked through together (with the help of Viagra) so that isn’t an issue and at no point have I said it is one. I’m post-menopause and while I’m confident in my skin and still enjoy sex I really have no urge to get involved with anyone new.

Increasingly regularly, he’s suggested I can sleep with other men ‘if I want’. He says he gets off on the idea. A threesome would make more sense to me (although it isn’t something we’ve done) but I just don’t understand why he’d want me to go off and do that. However hard I try to think about it rationally I can’t come up with anything because it isn’t rational. Like a lot of women, I couldn’t shag someone without becoming close to them.

Does anyone have any insight into why he’s suggesting this? I’ve asked if it’s because he wants to do the same but he says he has no interest in that and he just wants me to ‘enjoy myself’. But I do, with him! Everything else about our relationship is lovely, more so I suspect because we don’t live together and only see each other a couple of days a week.

When he makes these suggestions it makes me feel as though he thinks our most intimate times are unimportant. When I’ve put this to him he says I’m being silly and it doesn’t mean that at all.

Any insights? I really don’t want to ‘LTB’ because everything else about our relationship is great.

OP posts:
UKLOVINGMARRIEDCOUPLE · 04/06/2026 01:40

Can a wife that totally loves her hubby get tempted to talk to a male online in another country you think ? Even tho she and her hubby have been together since they met at fifteen years old and she knows the chat could maybe head in a sexual chat kind of direction? Is it like having time out from being a mum or a wife maybe ? I am the hubby of the wife that I am talking about by the way
I just wanted some advice that’s all .. and I can’t ask anyone that knows me

FancyExpert · 04/06/2026 02:28

UKLOVINGMARRIEDCOUPLE · 04/06/2026 01:40

Can a wife that totally loves her hubby get tempted to talk to a male online in another country you think ? Even tho she and her hubby have been together since they met at fifteen years old and she knows the chat could maybe head in a sexual chat kind of direction? Is it like having time out from being a mum or a wife maybe ? I am the hubby of the wife that I am talking about by the way
I just wanted some advice that’s all .. and I can’t ask anyone that knows me

That's how it started with my wife. Logging onto dating sites out of boredom, eventually setting up a profile and then the chatting to men. It was inevitable that she'd click with one of them.

UKLOVINGMARRIEDCOUPLE · 05/06/2026 23:36

Wow ! This is very eye opening

AnOddOne · 06/06/2026 00:06

@UKLOVINGMARRIEDCOUPLE Maybe you could make a post of your own about this?

Even tho she and her hubby have been together since they met at fifteen years old
Very likely so if this is the case. Women change, women grow up. In my experience the majority of men do not.

OP posts:
exhaustDAD · 06/06/2026 11:28

AnOddOne · 06/06/2026 00:06

@UKLOVINGMARRIEDCOUPLE Maybe you could make a post of your own about this?

Even tho she and her hubby have been together since they met at fifteen years old
Very likely so if this is the case. Women change, women grow up. In my experience the majority of men do not.

I am sorry, not trying to be rude, but this chain of thoughts is fascinating to me, so I have to ask if I understand it correctly.. So, women change and grow up, men don't (in general. Which is very reductive, but ok). In this case, in a relationship where the man and woman are together for ages, the woman can be tempted to start looking online for things because she did the growing up... Is that what you are saying?

Skybluepinky · 06/06/2026 13:51

Get rid of him.

May50 · 06/06/2026 17:28

Hi @AnOddOne - have you resolved this with your DP now, has he stopped pushing you to satisfy his kink!?
I had exactly this with my exP. He wanted me to be a ‘hot wife’. I said no, tried to go along with the talking about it level - so basically he’d fantasise whilst we were doing the deed and he’d talk about me with another bloke (obviously with the bloke being well endowed) so that he could climax. He kept on at me to make it a reality even knowing I didn’t want to. And then he finally ended the relationship with lots of spurious little reasons but I’m sure it was because he couldn’t push me into the hot wife kink.
I still don’t get how he could want to see another man have sex with me.
Anyway I’m better out of it now - that was not for me - if I date again it will be a monogamous relationship for sure.

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