Page 7 | Please help. I need out of this nightmare

LBFseBrom · 19/01/2026 19:44

helpsoworndown · 19/01/2026 18:08

Thank you - this articulates perfectly why I don’t feel safe with any contact, in any form, while I am still a part of the equation.

Show quote history

I was going to suggest your partner reconciles with his son without involving you but I can see that could be difficult, really you don't want the son to know where you are living.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, it must be terrible but - you need to move out. Just do it, you will manage and feel better and safer.

It is a very sad business for you both and your little daughter but you must put yourself and her first.

Get to work on finding a new place soon.

Good luck.

Soomanybitterpeople · 19/01/2026 20:03

helpsoworndown · 19/01/2026 18:07

It’s hard to know where to start with so many replies, sorry I can’t reply to everyone but I do really, really appreciate those who’ve posted helpful advice and support. Thank you.

I think the reason he wants to reconcile is because he believes his son was somehow ‘brainwashed’ by the person responsible and that he basically went along with it because he’s young and suggestible. However there have also been malicious lies spread to various people about me (of the worst kind you can imagine) that his son has openly admitted to DH were initiated and spread by him. When called out by DH for this, he refused point blank to offer any sort of apology for his actions or to clear my name of the disgusting malicious lies he’d spread to others. It was at that point DH said he was washing his hands of him. I don’t believe he’s as suggestible and brainwashed as DH makes out - I believe he was an adult making a choice to to put members of his family at risk, including his little sister. And then adding insult to injury with malicious lies, and when called out refusing to apologise. How could I ever have a person like that in my life, or accept them in my partner’s life? It feels like a huge betrayal that he could forgive and forget his son’s part in something that has destroyed me from the inside out and left me with debilitating trauma. But there we are. If that’s what he needs to do; I won’t stand in his way. But I cannot be a part of it, not even from a distance. I haven’t even begun my healing journey yet, there’s been no processing or closure. He’s not a safe person to me anymore because he has the power to expose me to powerful trauma triggers, whenever he decides to. I don’t believe it’s malicious on DH’s part - I think he genuinely is just completely naive and in denial, and wants it to just be what it was before. But it never can be.

After reading this post, I can understand why you can't countenance having the son in your life in any way.

Is there a way to terminate the tenancy or to remove 1 name from it, either his (& he leaves) or yours (then you leave)?

I'm sorry for what you're both going through. Knowing your dd was witness to it must be traumatic in itself as I'm sure that you felt that you couldn't protect her.

EMDR therapy could be really beneficial in helping you recover, so I'd recommend looking into it.

💐

silverwrath · 19/01/2026 20:04

GentleJadeOP · 19/01/2026 11:43

I love my kids unconditionally but yes those would also be a no

Show quote history

Why do people insert themselves into threads just to be combative with someone who is clearly vulnerable?

It's sick.

silverwrath · 19/01/2026 20:25

Boomer55 · 19/01/2026 16:44

This. I understand the OP doesn’t want to say what happened, but hard to give any advice.

Very little would stop me seeing my adult kids or grandkids. 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Good to know.

How does this information help the OP?

And what more info' do you need?

She's suffered a trauma so severe it requires medication and counselling for PTSD.

She will never heal from same if the son of her partner is in her life as he was partially responsible for the trauma. Partner is no longer on board with NC with son. Which leaves OP in an impossible position.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 19/01/2026 20:38

So glad that dickheads comments have been removed 🙄 who put 50p in her meter this morning??

Tuesdayschild50 · 19/01/2026 20:44

So sorry this has happened to you.
It's not something that could be forgiven or forgotten if you were moved to a safe house.
You need to feel safe to beable to begin to heal plus you have your little girl to think of .
As sad as it is to leave I think your right to do this.
You and your daughter should be coming first not the son being reconciled with he has to accept the consequences of what he got involved in.
Moving forward you don't want your daughter around the son you could never trust him.
So leaving and finding some safe peaceful ground away from the chaos is the only way forward x

Catpuss66 · 19/01/2026 21:12

GentleJadeOP · 19/01/2026 11:37

Apart from murder or child abuse, I can’t think of any scenario where you husband should have to choose not to see his own son. It’s unacceptable to demand him to never see him again

How about Sexual assult?

BitOutOfPractice · 19/01/2026 21:20

Shortshriftandlethal · 19/01/2026 15:38

Relationships can be messy and difficulties are not always easy to resolve.

Show quote history

No shit! I never realised that!

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 19/01/2026 21:21

MeganM3 · 19/01/2026 12:49

It is difficult without knowing the scale of the incident that occurred.
As a parent, there’s virtually nothing my DC could do that would mean I cut off all contact. It would have to be highly criminal and depraved actions. And even then I don’t know if I’d be full NC as there are reasons behind everything.
So if there’s been an argument or a falling out, while it might be awful, he might not be in a place he feels NC forever is what he wants to do and it probably isn’t fair to ask that of him.
It would be best to seek advice from someone who you can explain the full story of what’s gone on. Women’s Aid can be really helpful, especially if you need help with your housing rights and tenancy. If you leave & have nowhere to go do make sure WA advocate on your behalf with the local authority if you apply as homeless and in need of emergency accommodation or temp accommodation.

Also consider that your shared child is likely to still have contact with her father, and potentially the son. Only you can know, but is it safer if you are there and able to protect to some extent? Hard to know without knowing the details.

FFS - it was a bad enough incident that OP has PTSD which is being medicated and which she qualifies for therapy for. Do you really think an argument would be enough to cause that? She also has not asked her DP to cut of his son - just asked that he keeps it very separate from her. Her partner now wants to pretend that the event never happened. I can see why he might want that, but in wanting to put things in the past, he is denying and downplaying OPs feelings. Where is your empathy for her?

As for "reasons" - obviously we do not know what happened here. But there are plenty of serious things which may not have led to charges or legal consequences but which are very serious. And no one should be expected to put up with terrible behaviour which has threatened you in a fundamental way just to make someone elses life easier. A friend of mine has a half brother who facilitated some of his druggie friends breaking into the dads home to steal valuables. He was not there himself but he set it up. The dad was killed during the break in. My friend will never forget, forgive or reconcile with that brother. And anyone asking her to be around him would have to be a monumental arsehole. In that case they were charged but as I said, there are plenty of things people could do which would not go that far, but which still need to be taken seriously.

justasking111 · 19/01/2026 21:49

Having read recently of the Hollywood family whose son killed both his parents recently The OP needs to go with her daughter and young child to a new home. All the pills and therapy aren't going to work if you're living in continuous fear.

MeTooOverHere · 19/01/2026 21:51

TightlyLacedCorset · 19/01/2026 14:54

It's up to the parent.

Some parents would cut their children off for any of these offences, or less and some parents will never cut a child off, no matter how heinous and dark their actions are. It's their prerogative.

Show quote history

Tell that to @GentleJadeOP

venus7 · 19/01/2026 22:13

GentleJadeOP · 19/01/2026 11:37

Apart from murder or child abuse, I can’t think of any scenario where you husband should have to choose not to see his own son. It’s unacceptable to demand him to never see him again

She hasn't demanded anything; read her posts.

Obscurity · 19/01/2026 22:23

helpsoworndown · 19/01/2026 18:08

Thank you - this articulates perfectly why I don’t feel safe with any contact, in any form, while I am still a part of the equation.

Show quote history

Why has he such a vendetta against you?

EspressoMachiato · 19/01/2026 22:34

GentleJadeOP · 19/01/2026 11:37

Apart from murder or child abuse, I can’t think of any scenario where you husband should have to choose not to see his own son. It’s unacceptable to demand him to never see him again

There are other things he could have done - use your imagination.
OP's in fight/flight mode for the past year on medication.

Her husband could see his son away from OP and her children.
He's an adult and doesn't live with them anyway.

If he can't agree to that then the only other option is to go their separate ways.
No woman should have to live in fear of her stepson.

Perrylobster · 19/01/2026 22:36

This is terrible - He’s choosing his son over you.
It might seem like a huge task but it’s not impossible, you can leave and make it work and your daughter will be ok. It will take some planning but your lease is only until May.
You deserve to feel safe and protected.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/01/2026 22:54

helpsoworndown · 19/01/2026 13:17

The offence was serious enough that the police relocated me and my children from our home to a temporary place of safety due to credible threat to our lives. So no, not just because he borrowed a car, not even on a par with - this was not just a minor falling out.

thanks to everyone else, again. You’ve been amazingly helpful. going to call women’s aid as soon as I can.

That evidence could result in you being able to secure social housing a very, very long away from the pair of them.

Do you still have contact details for the police involved in moving you to safety? It sounds potentially MARAC-eligible and this could be the key to getting far away (and without being forced to make your DD available to him for contact/putting her and you at risk of further repercussions).

XelaM · 19/01/2026 22:59

So his son was involved in a plot to kill you and your daughter?!? Why?!? 😱

Laura95167 · 19/01/2026 23:02

helpsoworndown · 19/01/2026 18:07

It’s hard to know where to start with so many replies, sorry I can’t reply to everyone but I do really, really appreciate those who’ve posted helpful advice and support. Thank you.

I think the reason he wants to reconcile is because he believes his son was somehow ‘brainwashed’ by the person responsible and that he basically went along with it because he’s young and suggestible. However there have also been malicious lies spread to various people about me (of the worst kind you can imagine) that his son has openly admitted to DH were initiated and spread by him. When called out by DH for this, he refused point blank to offer any sort of apology for his actions or to clear my name of the disgusting malicious lies he’d spread to others. It was at that point DH said he was washing his hands of him. I don’t believe he’s as suggestible and brainwashed as DH makes out - I believe he was an adult making a choice to to put members of his family at risk, including his little sister. And then adding insult to injury with malicious lies, and when called out refusing to apologise. How could I ever have a person like that in my life, or accept them in my partner’s life? It feels like a huge betrayal that he could forgive and forget his son’s part in something that has destroyed me from the inside out and left me with debilitating trauma. But there we are. If that’s what he needs to do; I won’t stand in his way. But I cannot be a part of it, not even from a distance. I haven’t even begun my healing journey yet, there’s been no processing or closure. He’s not a safe person to me anymore because he has the power to expose me to powerful trauma triggers, whenever he decides to. I don’t believe it’s malicious on DH’s part - I think he genuinely is just completely naive and in denial, and wants it to just be what it was before. But it never can be.

I actually feel devastated for you both I totally understand why DH would want to believe the best of his son. And it sounds like this is delayed emotional response from him.

But you have 2 daughters to consider. And atm are too vulnerable to face even this indirect relationship.

As awful as it is DH may need to choose.

In the mean time call women's aid, reach out to your family and get your girls out. If DH backpeddles on this I think you need to make counselling for him a deal breaker, he needs to be well to make good choices for himself and without it I think he will feel guilty and pulled in different directions and you will feel unsafe and volatile. Not much more advice tbh but good luck

RuddyLongCovid · 20/01/2026 00:04

helpsoworndown · 18/01/2026 21:12

I really don’t feel able to go into the ins and outs of everything that has happened over the past 12 months. But I need help and advice and any support at all please. I need to leave my partner of 10 years. Long story short, an event that happened last year has left me with PTSD (my partner’s adult son was involved), and essentially he’s talking about rebuilding a relationship with his son after going NC with him for what he did. Anyway, I’ve been really clear that I cannot cope with this, I’m still awaiting trauma therapy for the event itself and I’ve been trialled on all kinds of different meds over past few months to help, nothing helps. The latest meds I’m on have made me feel like a zombie. He’s started talking about rebuilding the relationship with his son and I just can’t cope, I’m in full panic mode and I need out. Problem is we’re tied into a tenancy agreement til May and also we have a primary age child together too, so the guilt of breaking our child’s family would kill me but I just can’t, I need mental peace and I won’t ever find it with him. I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but just need to reach out to anyone, anywhere, before my head explodes.

As someone who has been on the other side of this, as a child who experienced DV, I really wish my parent had left sooner rather than stay in that relationship for years. Safe is best. You are very brave. Sending hugs xx

AdaDex · 20/01/2026 03:15

GentleJadeOP · 19/01/2026 11:37

Apart from murder or child abuse, I can’t think of any scenario where you husband should have to choose not to see his own son. It’s unacceptable to demand him to never see him again

Really?

Rape, sexual assault, attempted murder, GBH, kidnap, trafficking, fraud, paedophilia, killing or harming family pets........all ok?

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 03:20

recipientofraspberries · 19/01/2026 17:17

'Very little' causes a person to develop PTSD and 'very little' causes the police to move a person and her young daughter to a place of safety because their lives are under threat.

Show quote history

clearly soemthing very tribal happened

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 03:21

Womens Aid were fantastic with me recently

LBFseBrom · 20/01/2026 08:10

GentleJadeOP · Yesterday 11:37
Apart from murder or child abuse, I can’t think of any scenario where you husband should have to choose not to see his own son. It’s unacceptable to demand him to never see him again
............
We don't know what happened but it was obviously something very serious for the family to be moved for their own safety.

The op is not saying her husband should never see or be in contact with his son, she just wants to be well out of the way for the sake of herself and her child and I don't blame her one bit. The poor woman is terrified!

Original poster

helpsoworndown · 20/01/2026 08:53

Thanks again everyone.

did someone say I can request to be legally removed from a tenancy agreement earlier if I have evidence of a conviction for violence against me at this address? I can’t find where someone said this but recall they did. Is it worth me emailing the letting agent with my CPS letter as evidence? Thanks again, what an amazing group of women you are. I don’t feel alone in this anymore, and I can’t tell you how much that means

OP posts:

wrongthinker · 20/01/2026 09:14

helpsoworndown · 20/01/2026 08:53

Thanks again everyone.

did someone say I can request to be legally removed from a tenancy agreement earlier if I have evidence of a conviction for violence against me at this address? I can’t find where someone said this but recall they did. Is it worth me emailing the letting agent with my CPS letter as evidence? Thanks again, what an amazing group of women you are. I don’t feel alone in this anymore, and I can’t tell you how much that means

Yes, I think you can email them, let them know you are moving and ask to have your name removed from the tenancy. If you include the CPS letter and details of why you cannot remain at the address I imagine this will make things easier, should there be any resistance.