Have I spoilt the evening?

[Iknowdino]

So husband and I rarely do anything together just us 2. We went to a concert he booked back in November but he only took me after asking a few mates and not finding anyone that would go, definitely not my kind of thing. Previously can't think of when we last did something just us 2 probably 2024 for my birthday. We do lots together with DDS as a family though. Don't even sit in together and watch a film or anything as DDS are teens and always around.

Got a rare night to night as they are both off on a sleepover. Dh has been asking what I want to do all week. Mostly saying how much sex we are going to have. I said I wanted to go out for tea as we havent in ages. He has made comments twice in the week about staying in and getting a take away and about getting something nice in to cook. Both times I have explained I don't want to do this. He will want a Chinese takeway which is crap for me as I am gluten free and no Chinese takeaways around here cater for gf. I explained I don't want to cook as I want a night off from cooking and cleaning and he doesn't cook so would fall to me to buy and cook the meal even if we share cleaning off.

Tonight is the night of the sleepover. He arranged to go out all day and had called me on the way home to ask what I want to do tonight. I said I thought we were going out. His response was, "we don't have to go out, I'm not bothered". This has really upset me and I was pissed off. I said "well if you're not bothered let's not go out" and now he is in a foul mood and not speaking to me saying I've ruined the night. Have I over reacted?? I'm not raging or in a huff it just upset me that he clearly doesn't want to go out and I was stupidly looking forward to it. I just feel like he is intentionally sabotaging it, trying to upset me then telling me I'm the reason we can't go out! Or maybe he doesn't want to be seen out in public with me??

I understand what you’re trying to say but if he’s that bad - why go out with him at all?

You seem to hate him and want everyone else to hate him too but that doesn’t align with you wanting him to be enthusiastic about going out together.

It’s my mistake.
I thought you were hoping for a nice night out with your partner and to both enjoy yourselves and perhaps reignite a spark.
Which is why I couldn’t understand why you’d overreact to his unenthusiastic answer and try and start an argument/tell him you don’t want to go out anymore.

But that’s fair enough it’s my mistake, if hes as bad as you say then I wouldn’t want to go out with him either.
Hopefully you can find someone else or just go by yourself.

Oh just leave him. This endless expectation that he’ll change, he hasn’t and he won’t. Find someone who wants to spend time with you before you hit retirement and run out of options.

Ugh, another thread half full of desperate excuses for crap male behaviour, twisting themselves inside out to make it just as much OP's fault. Makes me sick

If he's not speaking to you that means sex is off the table. Win win!!!!

Read the updates...she has booked to go out 🇬🇷

So you can't even eat Chinese food...but he will only accept Chinese food and also won't accept ordering different takeaways. He sounds monumentally stupid as well as being a selfish prick.

You need to stop doing all of this. Frankly, it’s part of the problem. You’re tying yourself in knots to please him and not insisting that he put equal effort in for you. Men like him are happy to drain you dry as long as they’re getting what they want. You need to either stand up for yourself or get rid of him. I’d recommend the latter but I admittedly have zero tolerance for shit men.

Yep...this ^

Loads of slimey apologists

I was thinking abusive.

If he is sulking, don’t you dare stay home! You are going out and having fun!

Perhaps you should also book a hotel for the night Op?

@Iknowdino I'm so pleased you've booked somewhere! I hope you're on the way there now, with or without him.

Enjoy your evening. I shall raise an olive to you as a toast!

Enjoy your night out. Leave him home to sulk. Have a lovely meal then maybe go to the cinema. Enjoy yourself

This.

Oh OP it must be grim feeling as though you're pushing water uphill just to get him to take an interest in going out with you.

Hope you have a lovely meal.

The "aligning" is hoping he can shape up...but he can't

Its not hate to have hope about some one who is then abusive

OP has been incredibly considerate and hopefully is on her way now for a great time

OP: I'm really hoping you are out, and on your way to the Greek restaurant - with or without him.

And this will be the start of your putting yourself, and your wants and needs, first.

So his wishes trump yours in every way, every day?

You have called yourself a housemaid he has sex with. That speaks volumes. It's the only reason he doesn't want you to end the relationship.

You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats you with kindness and respect. at the moment, you are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking.

I hope you're on the way to the Greek restaurant now and that you have a lovely meal.

so basically he didn’t want to go out but didn’t want to waste time discussing it with you so he just said ok, ok whatever; but he didn’t mean it actually.
And then he made plans and went out assuming that things would go his way. F* that !!!

I think you should go out just to make a point. Also I would order a different takeaway next time. Don’t argue just order for you and girls, ask him: do you want something? No? ok just these then .
And let him order Chinese or whatever.
Just do it calmly, ignore his huffing and puffing. I’m sure you can do it - remember ignoring unreasonable demands when your DDs were toddlers? Do the same with him.

He is hiding behind the children. As soon as we felt comfortable leaving our children we went out for coffee, it was lovely, just the two of us. The fact that you have teens and he won't go out with you for 30 minutes is very telling. We also had a rule in our house that they had to be out of the lounge at 9pm on at least 3 nights so Dh and I could watch the tv we wanted rather than family tv shows, plus just being together.

I think this may be the moment where you wonder why you are still in this marriage. You just wanted a night off from cooking, to eat a meal out and he just cannot be bothered to go out with you this evening.

Have a wonderful time at the restaurant. I hope the food is delicious.

OP booked a restaurant for 6pm and should be on her way to have some fun 🇬🇷☀️🇬🇷♥️

Where did he go all day? What was he doing?

You told him numerous times that you wanted to go out. He made one last attempt to put you off that idea by saying he 'wasn't bothered'. Very manipulative of him. He doesn't care what you want and won't suddenly start making an effort.

Tell him to go stuff himself, lazy sod.

I guess it’s confusing to me why you’d ‘have hope’ with someone who you say treats you like crap.

And why (even now) OP is hoping that he’ll have an evening out with her and then ‘fuck him all night’ afterwards.

If I wanted a night out I wouldn’t have let anyone spoil it. I definitely wouldn’t have said I didn’t want to go out anymore because someone wasn’t enthusiastic enough.

But then again I would not arrange to go out with someone or have sex with someone who treats me like shit.

Or to put it another way, he's not remotely interested in going anywhere or doing anything with his wife, or paying any attention to what she might like to do. She's just there for sex on tap when he gets home from spending time with the people he actually wants to spend time with, doing what he wants to do.

Sorry OP - he sounds selfish and inconsiderate.